Pardon my toenails!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Corporal, Aug 10, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Just got read the riot act by Mrs. Corporal for leaving a glass on the computer table full of my toenail clippings. I thought I was being considerate for not clipping them and letting them fly. Some women are NEVER happy....
     
  2. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    She is absolutley correct- the glass should have been refilled appropriately!!

    The ashtray is the right place for said clippings
     
  3. A whole glass full? What's ya going for...
    a 'DNA cloning' or a 'pagan ritural'?

    (maybe you oughta clip'em more often...)


    Or tell Mrs. Corporal to be an advocate of that old adage -- when you get a lemon, make lemonade. So when you get an glass full of toenail clippings make them into a casserole.
     
  4. hide them under the sofa cushion next time:D
     
  5. You should have picked one out, chewed on it & said that you'd gone through half of them already as you thought that they were some savoury snacks that she'd put out for you. By the time she'd finished gagging she'd have forgotten about having a go at you.
     
  6. only good if he clipped them after 2 weeks of wearing boots and not washing his feet...toemails without toecheese does not make for a tastey snack.
     
  7. J_D

    J_D LE

    Only good if they are a green/brown colour. Most taste when chewing them!
     
  8. The correcct way to dispose of a toenail clipping is to bury it in a jar of tea or coffee. The shrieks of feminine disgust and fury are truly exceptional, especially when it bobs to the suface of their brew. :D
     
  9. Ok I have to stick up for Mrs Corporal! The one thing I cannot stand is toenail clippings left anywhere else but the bin!! 8O 8O

    Just clip the toenails over the loo, and flush them away! Please?

    Note to self not to go round Bern's for coffee!!!!! :lol:


    P.S How big was the glass?? You must have been like one of those RSPCA horses that gets rescued because there hooves have grown all long and curled to fill it! 8O
     
  10. Toe nails are useful as toothpicks, always keep a few in my wallet as most restaurants do not supply them. Air the toenail for about 1 week (once it is off your toe) and there you have it, a quality toothpick that will last longer than any you can buy. Though it is not recommended to use them on a first date. :lol:
     
  11. ^ Mrs. Duke is a lucky laydee! :D
     
  12. She would shoot me if she knew the truth :roll:
     
  13. It wasn't quite a full glass, just a little over half full. I only trim my nails once every other year.

    She really yells loud when I yank a nose hair out and leave it on her toothbrush.
     
  14. i bet you only cut them twice a year because that's when the fire department can get out to your trailer to help you out ... there's no way you'd be able to reach over your fat f*cking septic belly to get anywhere NEAR your toes .... w@nker.


    how've you been mate long time no speak :D
     
  15. What you need Corps is a good ole bag of english "Pork Scratchings" which look uncannily like the trotter clippings of a hobbit with a bad case of trench foot and don't taste much better. Next time you clip your claws put a good handful of the tasty delicacy into the glass and when she starts whining start popping them in your mouth.

    Hope this helps keep us posted