Parcel couriers - the message that we all dread

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Don't. I won't be here. I'll be back at camp, but I'll find the ******.....
Chill, he'll put a nice "We called but there was nobody home" card somewhere near your postcode.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
They're good, you'll not notice when they pitch.


Two days after you've driven 40 miles to fetch it from the depot yourself he'll put another "We called but..." card on your font door seconds after you've shut it behind you.
 
so two boxes of wine left behind bin with note on mat, not for us but twats round corner who in past could not even say thanks when we took past wrong delivered parcels round,can i legally just drink the stuff ?
They take photo's of where they leave stuff these days, so make sure nobody's CCTV covers it, then enjoy the fruits of your labourneighbour.

PS Boxes & bottles in the local supermarket recycling ASAP.
 
Work ? what is that ? some of us have lived long enough for retirement
I remember people talking about that "work thing" when I were a lad. :?

Old Timer Dog with flat cap crop.jpg
 
Not a courier company but Royal Snail
I had something posted to me First Class on 15/02 & it landed yesterday, looking like it had been savaged by a rabid bulldog with an excessive drool problem.
I presume the plastic packaging was to keep the drool from contaminating the postie...
 
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Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
For once it's a glad tidings dit. I ordered a printer from Currys PC World last Saturday on eBay. It arrived Monday at 14.00 exactly when they said it would.
The carrier, DPD, have the best tracking system I've ever seen.
 
the dozen or so times i lugged stuff down to them they were not even thankful
Then don’t bother “delivering” it to them. Stick it in your garage/under the stairs for a month and, if theybother coming to track it down, insist that they pay £10 p/w storage fees for your inconvenience. If they baulk at this, tell them in no uncertain terms that the fee reflects their lack of gratitude on previous encounters and invite them to seek a refund from the cretins that were supposed to deliver it to them in the first place. If they haven’t collected it in a month, open the boxes and hope that they have more taste than manners.
 
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Fugging Hermes, we have a new courier for the area *
Amazon order for a fitting for the firepump , a text arrives 15:00h " delivery attempted 11:50 h " I bimble off to the gate just to check and get the delivery attempted card and interrogate the man at the gate, nope nothing , so we check cctv an hour either side , nothing. So I ring the number I have for the lass that delivers for Hermes to be told she's given it up and someone else is doing it.
Try contacting Hermes, can you f%ck , text chat with a bot that wants to assist me "this fine day " ( its fugging raining ffs) it cant help me , can I get hold of a "friendly " customer services person, can I f%ck. Go on to Amazon and get into the contact seller, who is Amazon get contact courier link , rinse and repeat.

sold the chuffing lathe could have made one by now !
 
Fugging Hermes, we have a new courier for the area *
Amazon order for a fitting for the firepump , a text arrives 15:00h " delivery attempted 11:50 h " I bimble off to the gate just to check and get the delivery attempted card and interrogate the man at the gate, nope nothing , so we check cctv an hour either side , nothing. So I ring the number I have for the lass that delivers for Hermes to be told she's given it up and someone else is doing it.
Try contacting Hermes, can you f%ck , text chat with a bot that wants to assist me "this fine day " ( its fugging raining ffs) it cant help me , can I get hold of a "friendly " customer services person, can I f%ck. Go on to Amazon and get into the contact seller, who is Amazon get contact courier link , rinse and repeat.

sold the chuffing lathe could have made one by now !
If I find out a purchase or an item I've ordered is being delivered (destroyed or diverted) by Hermes I cancel it on the spot - absolute shower of shite.
 
If I find out a purchase or an item I've ordered is being delivered (destroyed or diverted) by Hermes I cancel it on the spot - absolute shower of shite.
I think much of the problems are with the local drivers, as I've never had an issue with Hermes here & the drivers will go out of their way (sometimes literally) to ensure stuff's delivered.
 
I think much of the problems are with the local drivers, as I've never had an issue with Hermes here & the drivers will go out of their way (sometimes literally) to ensure stuff's delivered.
Wow,
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
I think much of the problems are with the local drivers, as I've never had an issue with Hermes here & the drivers will go out of their way (sometimes literally) to ensure stuff's delivered.
Yep.

Hermes - Never had an issue

DPD - Gibbering mongfucks who can't open my gate to get up the garden path. I don't mean won't, I mean physically can't, the flids.

Royal Mail - Too busy dropping elastic bands everywhere to care

UPS - Look like jobbies but at least are professional

There's another mob.... Sure they start with an A... I've actually mind blocked them because they send me into a frothing rage after they abandoned £800 worth if gear in my garden in the pissing rain.
 
Amazon meant to leave box in black post bin by front door, our safe place.
Instead put it next to the grey wheelie bin and on bin day today, saved just in time.

Amazon drivers delivering are quicker than the SAS in getting in/out and off to next drop!
 
Have you ever looked at the Amazon tracking map for your delivery and see it is 2 or 3 deliveries away from you, then on the next update is says the driver has a few more deliveries to make ? Then for the next couple of hours the driver appears to be making stops all around the place... Is he on his dinner break and going round to see his mates ? No, Amazon appear to have 'milch cow' vans that top-up the normal delivery vans mid round with extra deliveries together with the associated updated delivery planning information..
 
Ha ha went to local herpies parcel shop asked when courier comes in. I returned at the appointed hour and politely asked if he had my parcel . He did .I got it and pointed out he had told porkies as no-one haspd seen him .cnut
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Yep.

Hermes - Never had an issue

DPD - Gibbering mongfucks who can't open my gate to get up the garden path. I don't mean won't, I mean physically can't, the flids.

Royal Mail - Too busy dropping elastic bands everywhere to care

UPS - Look like jobbies but at least are professional

There's another mob.... Sure they start with an A... I've actually mind blocked them because they send me into a frothing rage after they abandoned £800 worth if gear in my garden in the pissing rain.
Given your track record the one starting with A? Is it ACME?
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Ha ha went to local herpies parcel shop asked when courier comes in. I returned at the appointed hour and politely asked if he had my parcel . He did .I got it and pointed out he had told porkies as no-one haspd seen him .cnut
Give him a prosthetic slap ?
 

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