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Paranoid or doormat?

#1
I need some guys advice on my dilemma, I apologise to those of you who feel this site is only for military or ex military. I might qualify if I said my family is army, my boyfriend is army and even I went to OTC at uni? I hope so.

My fella is away, we met when he was back on R&R. Here in lies the dilemma, we've been emailing for a while and over the last few months I've only actually seen him 7 days.
Internet dating is still sneered at I know, but believe me I'm no monster and definitely NOT high maintenance. The few men that are good are hard to find, so much crap to filter out!!

Anyway, my problem.... I have a feeling he's not telling me something. And (as you probably already suspect) I don't think I'm the only girl he's chatting up.

Should I ignore my 'feeling'?
 
#2
Where to begin?

You say "my fella is away" but follow it with "we've been emailing for a while and over the last few months I've only actually seen him 7 days" So question one is, what do you mean by "my fella"? Is it an established relationship, or are you still building a relationship? Had there been times before the "last few months" that you saw more of each other?

"We met when he was back on R&R" - do you mean "we met for the first time" when he was back on R&R?

If the answer to the last question is "yes - we only met for the first time when he was back on R&R" then you must understand that it may well be that he does not view this as an established relationship. Is that a tactful enough way to put it? It may be that he wanted to meet up with you, following internet chat, because he thought he might get his leg over. It may be that all he was interested in was a shag.

However he may just be being a typical bloke and not being very good at communication..... although I guess the first option is the more likely one.

If it turns out that he took advantage of you and only wanted to get a shag out of it, you can at least comfort yourself with the thought that you clearly have physical qualities that are attractive enough to attract a squaddie to you in a physical way. That should boost your self esteem no end!
 
#3
Hi PC,

Firstly, don't worry about using the site - the site owners clearly state on the FAQs and elsewhere that service family members are very welcome.

Secondly, be prepared to get quite a bit of stick for your post - this forum is often treated as an annex to the Naafi Bar in terms of post content.

I tend to agree with Schweik - you and your chap may well see your interaction in very different lights. Has he said that he considers the two of you to be in a monogamous relationship? Unless he's said something like this explicitly, he's got no reason not to chat to other women if the opportunity comes along. Ultimately the only way to find out is to ask him directly.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
schweik said:
Where to begin?

You say "my fella is away" but follow it with "we've been emailing for a while and over the last few months I've only actually seen him 7 days" So question one is, what do you mean by "my fella"? Is it an established relationship, or are you still building a relationship? Had there been times before the "last few months" that you saw more of each other?

"We met when he was back on R&R" - do you mean "we met for the first time" when he was back on R&R?

If the answer to the last question is "yes - we only met for the first time when he was back on R&R" then you must understand that it may well be that he does not view this as an established relationship. Is that a tactful enough way to put it? It may be that he wanted to meet up with you, following internet chat, because he thought he might get his leg over. It may be that all he was interested in was a shag.

However he may just be being a typical bloke and not being very good at communication..... although I guess the first option is the more likely one.

If it turns out that he took advantage of you and only wanted to get a shag out of it, you can at least comfort yourself with the thought that you clearly have physical qualities that are attractive enough to attract a squaddie to you in a physical way. That should boost your self esteem no end!
Yoy mean a pulse, breathing and alive ?
 
#6
Joker62 said:
schweik said:
If it turns out that he took advantage of you and only wanted to get a shag out of it, you can at least comfort yourself with the thought that you clearly have physical qualities that are attractive enough to attract a squaddie to you in a physical way. That should boost your self esteem no end!
Yoy mean a pulse, breathing and alive ?
Well done - you must have been identified as suitable for special forces with perception like that! The last sentence, that you did not highlight, would have been sarcasm. Had you been swift enough to notice!
 
#7
yep i would say hes balls deep in the next bit of skirt hes seen if he likes u and wants u he would of made that obviouse but all he wants is something to poke there some thing to poke when he comes back to you have a good day
 
#8
anglianmad said:
yep i would say hes balls deep in the next bit of skirt hes seen if he likes u and wants u he would of made that obviouse but all he wants is something to poke there some thing to poke when he comes back to you have a good day
Whereas I would say that you need to return to skool and finish your education you little prick. Try waiting until you have joined up before you gob off.

God, reading shite like this makes my eyes bleed!
 
#10
Gremlin said:
anglianmad said:
yep i would say hes balls deep in the next bit of skirt hes seen if he likes u and wants u he would of made that obviouse but all he wants is something to poke there some thing to poke when he comes back to you have a good day
Whereas I would say that you need to return to skool and finish your education you little prick. Try waiting until you have joined up before you gob off.

God, reading shite like this makes my eyes bleed!
I have no idea what he said...

Maybe it's one of those depth of perception affairs, like if I was to try & understand academics talking about their opinions on string theory; just nonsensical.
 
#16
Ok maybe this'll help. I asked him before he left if we were definitely a couple and he said yes. So assuming if asked outright if he considers me his gf and he says yes, I should stop fretting and relax?

And yes he did get his leg over, quite a bit, but the fact he went away and came back for more during R&R is a good sign right?
 
#17
Well its a sign that he's on to a good thing. I think you must gave a fair grasp of whats what now, so may I gently suggest a frank discussion with him next time you see him?

Marge.
 
#18
Hmmm, yes think I will take your advice, assume all is good until he gets back in March/April and see how things are then. No point stressing about it now I guess lol.

Hope I'm wrong about this 'feeling', cause I really like him!!
 

CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#19
Even if you are a couple, youve still to establish bounderies and things, as the relationshop is still new - is it so bad that he talks to other girls? Its not like he can follow through on anything and it may just be a way to get through his tour, he may just be a natural flirt or similar.

continue on with how you are and try and when he gets home in April you can both sit down and have a chat about where you are and where youre going if you want too.

As to being paranoid or a doormat, youre neither, its just that its new and like most men I suspect its hard to talk about it without scaring him off a mile!!!

Good luck ;o)
 
#20
eodmatt said:
Well its a sign that he's on to a good thing. I think you must gave a fair grasp of whats what now, so may I gently suggest a frank discussion with him next time you see him?

Marge.

Patient_cow take this advice like eodmatt stated u need to set boundries and rules in a relationship aswell as trust and freedom for both sides loves a weird and wonderful drug but dont get to hooked on it and become delusional about it hope it helps also sorry about past comments
 

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