Paralympic

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by Padrat, Sep 4, 2012.

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  1. Paralympic update: 4 dead in the epileptic clay pigeon shooting competition
     
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  2. That is so bad !!!! I love it, lol
     
  3. Ditto, double ditto!!!!!!!!
     
  4. Apparently Ellie Simmonds sent one of her dwarf swimming mates to ask about buying a horse from a colleague at the Eventing. The Eventer asked "How will I recognise him?" Ellie says, "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment"

    The midget shows up, and the Eventer asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. The midget says, "A female horth." The Eventer shows him a prized filly. The midget says, "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

    Despite his cerebral palsy the Eventer picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. The midget says, "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earrth"?

    At some pain the Eventer picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. The midget says, "Nith earrth. can I thee her mouf"?

    The Eventer is getting pretty pissed off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. The midget says, "Nith mouf, can I thee her twat"?

    Totally threaders the Eventer grabs him under the arms and jams the midget's head into the horse's you-know-what, pulls him back and exhausted drops him to the ground.

    The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing and says, "Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit"?
     
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  5. I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised."What happened to your face?" I asked.
    "I'm a Paralympian." He replied.
    "Boxing?" I enquired.
    'No..." He said, "...Hurdles."
     
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  6. Looking forward to watching the Tourettes 100 meters sprint final tomorrow! On your marks. get set. Fuck off...
     
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  7. [TABLE="width: 100%"]
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    [TD]What's better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympics?

    Not being disabled.


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    [TD]I wonder why they don't do golf at the Paralympics.

    I'm sure they would all have an excellent handicap.

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  8. Oscar Pistorius got legless last night to celebrate his Gold. Ellie was on the shorts...

    No, that's not my coat.
     
  9. So their faster,swim better and are stronger than me, why the fuck do they get to park so close to Asda????????
     
  10. As an abled bodied person would I get a concessions ticket to the Paralymics
     
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  11. Had a row with a disabled driver in the Asda car park, he was trying to park in one of our spaces,it's the thin end of the wedge next they'll be in our toilets.
     
  12. I know this isn't strictly Paralympic, but still.

    Sara has no arms.

    Knock knock....

    Whose there?

    Not Sara...
     
  13. Not strictly funny either
     
  14. David Weir has had his Gold medals taken from him
    he tested positive for WD40