Parade Square Indiscretions

#1
Hi guys, parade squares are sacred, or used to be. What have you done, or you know to have been done on one of these sacred areas that has rattled the cage above.
 
#2
Parade... parade shun ... RSM's upper set of false teeth fly out and rattle onto the square. Not one snigger is heard.
 
#4
Razzer prodded me in the chest and sez "There's shit on the end of this stick"

"Not at this end" says I.

But I'd only just woke up so he couldn't jail me for taking a swing at him, and as I was a 22 year sapper I was getting out with a WO1's pension anyway.

Has anyone seen the Christmas poem yet? Always get's me a bit dusty that one.

Merry Christmas everyone.
 
#5
That's why I said used to be. Got Royally fucked at Stensall back in the mid 80's for walking over the square. Big bad man came out shouting (yes himself). He was a little bit pissed off when the three gits he shouted at and stood at attention were ACF. I learned a lesson that day.
 
#6
That's why I said used to be. Got Royally fucked at Stensall back in the mid 80's for walking over the square. Big bad man came out shouting (yes himself). He was a little bit pissed off when the three gits he shouted at and stood at attention were ACF. I learned a lesson that day.
No, gen dit, really?
 
#8
Being a Guardsman it was never sacred.... just another piece of tarmac!
 
#9
1 Matelot's (civvy) wife staggers across the area that shall not be staggered upon on the way home from a mess function. She is promptly arrested, detained and up before the XO next day. Fine is deducted from her husband's pay.

No fekkin human rights in my day.

2. Group of WRNS officers being instructed in the finer points of drill when one starts doing impressions of Monty Python's Ministry of Funny Walks. "It's not my fault Chief." She explains. "My suspender belt has snapped."
 
#10
There was of course the time 3 Nigerian Ossifers on AACC were told to "Fuck orf you Black basterds!!" by 132Tp, at the behest of the DI who had enouraged them with an inspiring speech on the film 'Zulu' while practicing bayonet drill.
But I wouldn't know owt about it. Oh no. :wink:
 
#11
When I was an RP L/Cpl in Iserlohn back in the Jurassic period we had an RAPC bloke in nick who was being investigated for fraud. He was bored shitless and twice a week he was allowed to go home and poke his wife, under escort of course, one RP downstairs in the house listening to the bed springs and one outside in the landy watching the upstairs windows to make sure he didn't fuck off away on his toes.As I said, he was bored shitless so a couple of times a week I would march him off to the square and shout gibberish at him and he would do all kinds of drill movements. We got quite good at it and no one ever twigged.
 

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#12
After a drunken night many moons ago I recall a drill session that ended up with enough Pokey Drill to make the Right Marker throw up on the square.
 

ACAB

On ROPS
On ROPs
#14
In the Forecourt of Buckingham Palace, during the Changing of the Guard, the 'Jap' stood there, to attention, and pissed himself.

And got away with it.
 
#15
When I was an RP L/Cpl in Iserlohn back in the Jurassic period we had an RAPC bloke in nick who was being investigated for fraud. He was bored shitless and twice a week he was allowed to go home and poke his wife, under escort of course, one RP downstairs in the house listening to the bed springs and one outside in the landy watching the upstairs windows to make sure he didn't fuck off away on his toes.As I said, he was bored shitless so a couple of times a week I would march him off to the square and shout gibberish at him and he would do all kinds of drill movements. We got quite good at it and no one ever twigged.
Corunna Kasserne? Sounds like fun. Where the fuck were you when I was fitted up for something I never did (guv) and could've done with some light parade square relief?

Can't get the "Staff"...
 
#16
Apocryphal story, told to me years back, of a Guards barracks, as it might have been the old Cavalry Barracks in Hounslow. Allegedly, in less correct times, when the ethnic balance of the Household Division was less, um, balanced, than it is today, the bass drummer was the only gentleman of colour in the whole battalion. The story goes that he is en route to the NAAFI after band practice, still rocking the leopard skin apron affair and is crossing the square when the Sergeant Major's office window flies open and a stentorian voice enquires, at around 130 db, "Who told you you could wear civvies on my square, CUNT?".
 
#17
Corunna Kasserne? Sounds like fun. Where the fuck were you when I was fitted up for something I never did (guv) and could've done with some light parade square relief?

Can't get the "Staff"...
When were you there? I was there from when 2 AES moved there from Hohne until '73. I only did RP staff for 6 months though, the rest of the time I was a clank commander (E41D). Oh and I shagged the old German NAAFI manageress.
 
#18
In the early hours, after the Christmas dinner/piss up...putting some poor fecker pished out of his heed on his bed in the middle of the square in Bordon....the Razzman wasnt too happy about it next morning....:)
 
#19
Razzer prodded me in the chest and sez "There's shit on the end of this stick"

"Not at this end" says I.

But I'd only just woke up so he couldn't jail me for taking a swing at him, and as I was a 22 year sapper I was getting out with a WO1's pension anyway.

Has anyone seen the Christmas poem yet? Always get's me a bit dusty that one.

Merry Christmas everyone.
You forgot to ask when we get paid this month.

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk 2
 
#20
As heard at Ashford, circa 1987. Us in the platoon classroom, Drill Pig's office window above.

YOU-GET OFF MY FUCKING SQUARE!

(inaudible reply)

IN THAT CASE GET OFF MY FUCKING SQUARE......SIR!

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk 2
 

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