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Parable of the cunning git

#1
Ladies & gentlemen,

I have hitherto neglected to inform you of an ingenious scheme, I had returned to my parents house at the weekend, but spent most of my time catching up with old school mates. Saturday evening I was around my friends house, working my way through a bottle of Malibu, when a wonderful thought entered my head!

I moved swiftly over to my friends computer & did a Google image search for humungous willies. Naturally my friend who was observing, became quite concerned about my new artistic taste, :? but I informed him of my cunning plan. I sincerely hoped that his mother, a fine old fashioned woman, would not walk in at that precise moment to find her son & his best friend, slightly pissed & browsing over pictures of immense dongs. 8O

I then stumbled across a particular monstrosity which was a perfect specimen & most suitable for my devious work. I whipped out my mobile phone, held it up to the screen & took a photograph of the said willy pee-pee. I then sent this wonderful image to a large number of young ladies on my contact list. :p

I was rewarded by my endeavours with a number of delightful comments, one young lady was so taken by the whole affair that she become quite brisk & replied with a number of her own real images. :lol:

However, one slight problem remains; I am more of your average chap & am not, contrary to the latest popular belief, blessed with the package of a raging donkey. Ergo, if I should take the liberty of seeing a little more of the willing ladies than is consistent with Christian purity, then I fear they may appear confused by the sudden reduction in girth. Though if I take them on a massive bender & get them in a state where they do not recall the more intimate details, they may forget that I’m actually meant to be hung like a grand national winner. :twisted:

A splendid plan, is it not gents? Has anyone else been struck by a moment of divine inspiration?

~D.C.
 
#2
You really need professional help. All your posts revolve around your sexual fantasies. Who on Earth are you trying to fool or impress ?
 
#3
No searching for c0cks on the internet isnt my bag thanks - however if you meet diffduke you come across a one without having to google it on here
 
#4
rockpile said:
You really need professional help. All your posts revolve around your sexual fantasies. Who on Earth are you trying to fool or impress ?
Do you have anything better to ponder about on a Monday morning whilst at work?

~D.C.
 
#6
On a previous one of your purile threads you admitted to being a student. Work would seem incompatible with that status. Or was that another fantasy?
 
#8
Dashing_Chap said:
working my way through a bottle of Malibu,
:?

Why FFS?

Tell me, how did you explain to the girlies that you had a big black cock, despite being a gwar and whiter than a corps with its blood sucked out?
 
#9
smudge67 said:
TheIronDuke said:
Dashing_Chap said:
working my way through a bottle of Malibu,
I stopped reading at that point.
Me too! Just to ridicule you on your drinking habits.

There's nothing wrong with drinking Malibu. As long as you are an uphill gardener.
 
#10
rockpile said:
On a previous one of your purile threads you admitted to being a student. Work would seem incompatible with that status. Or was that another fantasy?
'Was' a student, now I have a career type job thingy, Malibu was there so I drank it. Beggars can't be choosers when there's lack of alcohol about.

I've the choice of listening to radio1 & Edith Bowman or whoever going on about how someones dog died, or I can daydream about my weekend. I'd rather do the latter.

~D.C.
 
#11
If, as a student, you need to use stuff like this to get laid, you arer in proper trouble. As I recall, the only chatup line you needed to get laid was "hi, would you like a pint of cider and blackcurrant/vodka and coke etc etc
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
Dashing_Chap said:
Malibu was there so I drank it. Beggars can't be choosers when there's lack of alcohol about.
Your friends old Mum run out of Baileys did she? All the boozers and offies shut were they? Shame. I'd still have stayed sober rather than be seen drinking Malibu. But then, I am still a heterosexual male.

I've the choice of listening to radio1 & Edith Bowman or whoever going on about how someones dog died, or I can daydream about my weekend. I'd rather do the latter.

~D.C.
Some "career type job thingy" you've got going there. Did you have to write your own name on the bucket, or did your supervisor do it for you?
 
#14
Dashing Chap. You were a student only a few weeks ago. Were you thrown out of a learning establishment or released into the community? And what type of employment are you in? What luck employer has you on his staff? Perhaps you have one of the new McDonalds degrees in burger fliping? Please tell us. It will be more interesting that your sexual problems.
 
#15
As aforesaid I am not a student, I graduated in 05, travelled the world getting pi$$ed up & shagging etc, I've nothing to prove on that front, absinthe, ibiza, val disere, been there & done that. The entire purpose of this post is to state a cunning little ploy I had at the weekend.

I am quite satisfied with my career aspirations, it appears you are quite bitter about something though :? Your daughter doesn't have a camera phone does she? :wink: :p

~D.C.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#16
Dashing_Chap said:
I graduated in 05, travelled the world getting pi$$ed up & shagging etc, I've nothing to prove on that front, absinthe, ibiza, val disere, been there & done that.
~D.C.
Then you returned to dear old Blighty to spend your Saturday evenings Googling mens dicks with your chum, whilst sipping Malibu?

Travel broadens the mind in some strange ways nowadays.
 
#17
Your last post confirms my first observation. You need professional help. Ihave to go now as after checking the Stock market I have found that Monday afternoon is usually good for a threesome at the Darby & Joan. Not with the old girls but with the ladies who make the tea and sandwiches.
You have alot to learn before they lock you up again.
 
#18
TheIronDuke said:
Dashing_Chap said:
I graduated in 05, travelled the world getting pi$$ed up & shagging etc, I've nothing to prove on that front, absinthe, ibiza, val disere, been there & done that.
~D.C.
Then you returned to dear old Blighty to spend your Saturday evenings Googling mens dicks with your chum, whilst sipping Malibu?

Travel broadens the mind in some strange ways nowadays.
I never made it as far as Bangkok or Singers, I saw some Gurkhas in the French Alps though which was rather unusual.

My felicitations to the tea ladies on their fabulous catch sir, hopefully you won't have invested your life savings in that French Bank. :D

~D.C.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Dashing_Chap said:
I saw some Gurkhas in the French Alps though which was rather unusual.


~D.C.
I'll lay money they werent peering at mens dicks whilst sipping Malibu? Just a guess.
 
#20
Looking at cocks while drinking malibu is bad.
Admitting it on here is beyond foolish
Re your plan. How much notice do you think any girl is going to pay to size of your cock,if she knows you spend your weekends with a "chum" who lives with his parents,looking at cocks.
you have to face somethings about your lifestyle. Maybe girls do not feature heavily in future
 

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