Ladies & gentlemen, I have hitherto neglected to inform you of an ingenious scheme, I had returned to my parents house at the weekend, but spent most of my time catching up with old school mates. Saturday evening I was around my friends house, working my way through a bottle of Malibu, when a wonderful thought entered my head! I moved swiftly over to my friends computer & did a Google image search for humungous willies. Naturally my friend who was observing, became quite concerned about my new artistic taste, but I informed him of my cunning plan. I sincerely hoped that his mother, a fine old fashioned woman, would not walk in at that precise moment to find her son & his best friend, slightly pissed & browsing over pictures of immense dongs. I then stumbled across a particular monstrosity which was a perfect specimen & most suitable for my devious work. I whipped out my mobile phone, held it up to the screen & took a photograph of the said willy pee-pee. I then sent this wonderful image to a large number of young ladies on my contact list. I was rewarded by my endeavours with a number of delightful comments, one young lady was so taken by the whole affair that she become quite brisk & replied with a number of her own real images. However, one slight problem remains; I am more of your average chap & am not, contrary to the latest popular belief, blessed with the package of a raging donkey. Ergo, if I should take the liberty of seeing a little more of the willing ladies than is consistent with Christian purity, then I fear they may appear confused by the sudden reduction in girth. Though if I take them on a massive bender & get them in a state where they do not recall the more intimate details, they may forget that Im actually meant to be hung like a grand national winner. A splendid plan, is it not gents? Has anyone else been struck by a moment of divine inspiration? ~D.C.