Pants jokes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by looney, Oct 16, 2009.

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  1. What was John Lennon's last hit?
    The pavement.

    Why did Princess Diana drive in a Mercedes?
    She wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.

    What's red and blue and doesn't like sex very much?
    A rape victim.

    What's 18 inches long and makes women scream in the night?
    Cot death.
  2. My bet.
    Gone before 17:30.
  3. Yes, where it belongs too...
  4. Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
    A: A Doberman in a playground
  5. Whats got one ball and properly fcuks women. Levi Bellfields hammer.

  6. You lose I'm afraid, its 1818hrs now. :D
  7. A feminist visits Helmand just just after the rise of the taliban and is not pleased to find that women must walk 5 paces behind the men.

    She returns in 2009 and is delighted to find that the men must now walk 5 paces behind the women.

    She asks the interpreter "What brought about the change?".

    He replied.

  8. What's blue and fcuks old people..................

    me in my lucky blue suit ;)
  9. John Lennon's greatest hits? 3 in the body, 1 in the head.

    A traffic plod sees a car jump a red light, so he follows and pulls the guy over. The man argues that since there was no traffic coming the other way there wasn't any need to stop. Being a lawyer, he tries to argue the toss "If you can show me the difference between slowing down and stopping, I'll pay up here and now. Otherwise, see you in court." The Plod invites him to step out the car and then starts whanging him around the head with his baton. "Dae ye want me tae stop or jist slow doon!"
  10. Metaphorically, the 'Midas touch' is defined as someone of good fortune, for whom everything they touch "turns to gold".

    Gordon Brown is said to have the 'Andrex touch.'
  11. Paddy goes into a library and asks for a book called Psycho The Rapist..

    The librarian came back and said Its called Psychotherapist you fecking idiot!!

    I got sacked as wines and spirits manager today. A polish bloke came in a asked for a good port... I told him Dover, want directions?!!
  12. One gay sperm to another gay sperm...

    How the fcuk are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh1t?

    Many edits for a variety of reasons
  13. What was Marc Bolan's last hit?

    Tie a yellow Mini round the old oak tree.
  14. Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    The interupting sheep.

    The interup...

  15. I didn't mention a date did I?