Pair of Cupid Stunts

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by theiftaker, Sep 14, 2008.

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  1. They are also obviously unaware of one of the oldest i.d. tricks in the book - ears. They're like fingerprints, totally individual.
  2. Thick as a whale ommlette :roll:
  3. is this a conceptual question ? Perhaps they are very bright and it is their intention to be caught in their thongdoing activity ?

    A small market town in mid Suffolk in the 60s. Police called on a local GP. They wanted to interview his 15 year old educationally challenged son about graffiti sray painted about the town. The doctor asks indignantly why plod suspect his son.

    How is his education progressing sir.

    Very well he has recently mastered writing his own name.

    Oddly enough sir that is what we are here to talk to him about ......
  4. Something similar happened at work back in March, 2 Mongs on CCTV spraying their FULL names across some fire doors, Stopped still in the act of spraying on cars parked on the carpark all on camera. Both going not guilty, so court case and waste of everyone time and money pending. 23 cars damaged, They've not been in trouble before (Well never been caught) so I'm expecting Non custodial sentences.
    These are not council estate chavs either, both in private school and treated the whole thing as a bit of a laugh. :x
    Both 16 and would'nt make 17 if given my way.
  5. They're just taking(in) the pi$$!! :)
  6. Thongs as masks, stuffed procedes in to a pink back pack.....
  7. Theiftaker

    Confession about the time an experienced constable monged me.

    I was owed a few hundred pounds by an Irish family who had settled in the resort and who operated an ice cream franchise.

    Eventually I decided to recover the debt in ice cream to the value. So I raided their builder's yard/ice cream depot. I pushed out an ice cream van and got into their freezer room and loaded the van with ice cream to the said amount.

    The Irish, returning from rounds, saw the yard lights on and me waiting. They drove off. Then returned full of themselves.

    Reason being they had dialled 999 and knew police were on way.

    I asked them politely for the keys to the van and they refused.

    Police arrived. Four of them. Decide to try to arrest me. Flip flop military aijido with street cred and all four on their arses.

    I explain that they have been misled and this is a matter of civil dispute.

    Paddy senior then goes into a rant about wishing he had never moved from London to the coast. Been burgled three times he said

    "He means four officer, the reason I stayed here guarding the yard as I walked up and found the yard gates forced open and the freezer room forced open by persons unknown" says I

    Paddy junior "Wll don't let him get away with that what about him grabbing me by the throat and offering me a tonsillectomy with his crow bar ?"

    "Officer arrest him for wasting police time, admittedly there is a crow bar in my toolkit but that is here because I was carrying out works in the yard. A disgravceful opportunbist fabricating a story around the presence of a crow bar amongst the tools of my trade" says I

    Then the phone goes and an officer says "It is your wife for you sir" (Now I am scared)

    So I take the call and explain that her role is merely to keep the freezer at home empty to await my return with the ice cream currency.

    Then arrives the older PC.

    "Right" he says "Convoy ... you get in my car sir and you sir drive the ice cream van and follow me to his home end of story"

    So I got in the back of the police car and the clever barsteward locked me in.

    However good as his word the ice cream was brought to my home. Offloaded into cardboard boxes whilst he refused to unlock his police car. Then when the Irish were clear he let me out and asked for a five lollies for him and the lads.

    Some months later this same Pc was (got a commendation) involved in the inquiries following discovery of a luftwaffe body from WW2. With the help of my redoubtable mate the musem curator (who does a lot of research free for USAAF and RAF Bomber Command l;osses WW2. They identified the German and he got a military funeral.

    My mate asked the Pc if he was the clver sod who duped KK into the car and locked him in.

    "You should have seen what he had just done to my colleagues", he said "I determined on one of my more cerebral moments. And those effing Irish have been turning people over all over the place since moving down here."

    I suspect that this same Pc broadcast the news to the neighbourhood kids about free ice cream from our place. My two then young daughters gained instant popularity until ice cream to the value was consumed gratis.

    Point made but pounds recovered equals nil.

    Bet constable is his promotiopn ceiling. Respect.
  8. PS Don't tell Seagull ... I sense a tendency to triumphalism in that lad.
  9. Got any cornettos left?
  10. Or Welly Bobs size 10? :eek:
  11. White Magnum for the Bird and I'll have a Feast. 8)
  12. Spray paint their names on "daddies" car and then see how they laugh, or ensure the name and address is placed some where prominent, like the local rag.

    I would also hope that the money required for respray of the 23 cars and fire doors is in some way recouped from these prats, so that the insurance premiums don´t go up again.

  13. Totally agree. These fcukers are the worst type of vandal. They swan around not giving a fcuk knowing that Daddy can pay for their misdemeanours while they get away scott free. Should get a good shoeing the little sh*ts.
  14. Many years ago, I worked as a chef, and was at a place not too far away from Lympstone - a lot of the local Plod were ex-RM instructors who'd settled there, and not to be fecked with. One dark night, four Hooray Henry medical students went through the local town throwing shop and pub signs into the river, oh har-har-har. They kept one banner from my place of work as a trophy.

    Duly nicked later on, they returned about a month after the thefts in company of Very Large Copper, Glasgow accent, moustache etc. He told me that they were going to be let off as daddy was paying for the damage etc, but they had to apologise nicely. Steam was coming out of Plod's ears by now. They said 'sorry' but spoiled it by giggling and Plod went a bit more purple, was struck by an idea.

    "Hey! that car park looks a bit mucky!" The car park was huge and needed a sweep. "And them bushes have got all shite in 'em!" Big thorny bushes by the roadside with bits of litter stuck on the thorns. "Brooms!" said Plod. "Gi' 'em brooms! And some black bags for a' tha' litter!"

    An hour later four dusty, scratched ("Ye're doctors! Fix yer wee grazes yourself and get on wi' it!") little scrotes passed the car park and hedge inspection and moved on to the next place, an Italian restaurant with, I heard later, a large and very dirty deep-fat fryer which needed a good deep clean.