Painfull Marriage BreakUp.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by B_AND_T, Dec 4, 2009.

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Dear Connie,

    I know the Counsellor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our “cooling off” period, but I couldn’t wait anymore.

    The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore. I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it’s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.

    This is what my heart says: “There’s no one like you, Connie. I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not even close.”

    Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don’t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn’t believe and an arse that just wouldn’t quit. Every mans dream, right?

    As I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives, it’s all superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I’m getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I’d never really thought of that before. I don’t know, maybe I’ve grown up a little.

    Later, as I’d tossed her about half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking, “Why do you feel so drained and empty?” it wasn’t just her flawless technique or her sluttish, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn’t feel the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I’m just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around. I didn’t know what she meant until later, but that’s not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we’re banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart’s a total monster in the sack. She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother’s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad too, because I can’t help thinking, “why didn’t Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We’ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy.”

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean Vicki’s just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She’s given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together. Connie, she really is.

    So we’re doing Jelly shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here’s this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicki’s really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I’m thrusting inside your baby sisters cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It’s true Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don’t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

    Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?

    Love, Dan
  2. Fucking 'throat yoghurt' indeed! :D
  3. thats beautiful
    i hope they get back together

    can i have vickis number then?
  4. Can I have Connies? She'll be looking for a bit of revenge shagging following your confession. Oh, and the remote is in the dog.....
  5. Some nice turns of phrase in there, especially "baby sisters cinnamon ring". I'm going to try and slip that into conversation somehow this weekend.
  6. B and T, that is wonderful. So moving. Are you related to Eminem by any chance?
  7. I've got a spare remote you can have if it doesn't work out.
  8. Takes about twelve hours to work its way out of the dog. Will it be useable? Doubt it. So I would stick it the post to B and T now auscam .

    Still waiting for Connie's number.....
  9. Have seen that before, but it's a timeless classic!! wet myself laughing yet again!!

    makes a change as i normally just wet myself with no good excuse!!!
  10. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Good advice for auscam and well done for thinking about B&T and all his problems, offering to help out.

    If you phone the following number and ask for Bob (keeping it quiet and does not want B&T to know it is her number you see) that should set you up:

    0207 218 2111

    Good luck mate.
  11. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I'm touched at all you kind words, hopefully I will be even more touched when Vicki pops round later.
  12. only EM answering that phone
    mwah hah ha ha!
  13. I do like that.Shame I don't know anyone that would really appreciate it.
  14. The batteries are held in by black nasty. Does that matter? It's askew and everything.