Paddy Joke

#1
Paddy thinks his new girlfriend is the one for him.
However, after a quick look through her knicker drawer, he reconsiders.
"What made you change your mind?" asks Murphy
"Well" says Paddy "when I looked in her knicker drawer, I found a nurses outfit, a French maids outfit and a police woman's outfit and to be honest, if she can't hold a job down, she ain't the one for me......"
 

Auld-Yin

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#3
Jeez youse are really digging them up now. There can't be much left on the bones of this joke!
 
#7
Two heavily pregnant paddys knitting, one says "I hope I have a boy I only have this blue wool." The other says I hope I have a spastic, I just fucked the arms up!!"
 
#10
So you remember "Love Thy Neighbour" as well then :)
Sadly I do...along with the other so called "comedy" shows like On the Buses and the saturday night variety shows.

Thank heavens for Dad's Army, Monty Python and the Goodies. They kept me going until the Young Ones, Red Dwarf and Roseanne tipped up on the telly.

:)

Rodney2q
 
L

lumpy2

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#11
Paddy is looking for a job and thinks he'll try his luck at the local Blacksmiths.

"Tell me Paddy", says the blacksmith, "have you ever shoed a horse?"

"No sor," replies Paddy, "but I once told a donkey to feck off".
 
#12
Sadly I do...along with the other so called "comedy" shows like On the Buses and the saturday night variety shows.

Rodney2q

Come on.. don't get all sandals and lentils. On the Buses was bloody funny.

Years after the series had finished my school dragged me off to see The Mechant of Venice. Stephen Lewis (Blakey) was playing a part of someone or other. Whenever he came on stage his lines were drowned out by rows of kids muttering 'I'll get you Butler..uhuhuh....'
 
#13
Paddy walks into a bar and says to the barman he would like ten whiskeys.

"Must be a special occasion Paddy!" the barman replies as he lines up the shots.

"Aye" says paddy as he starts knocking the tots down his neck. "I've just had my first blow job".

"Wow Paddy, that is cause for celebration, let me buy you one too."

"Nay" says Paddy, "If ten won't get the taste out of my mouth, eleven won't do much good either!"
 
#14
Two Irishmen are looking through a mail-order catalogue. Paddy says, Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too.

Mick agrees, I'm ordering one right now.

Three weeks later, Paddy says to Mick, Has your woman turned up yet?

No,says Mick,but it shouldn't be long now.

Her clothes arrived yesterday.
 
#15
Paddy called the RSPCA today and said "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox with four cubs"
"That's terrible" said the lady RSPCA officer, "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure to be honest", said Paddy " but that would explain the suitcase!!"
 
#16
Paddy has a nasty industrial accident and severs all of his fingers off in a band saw. His mate sees this and quickly wraps his shirt around the bloody hands and races him to hospital. The Doc takes off the blood soaked shirt, inspects the damage and says to Paddy, "Where's your fingers Paddy, if you had brought them with you we may have been able to stitch them back on." Paddy replies, "Don't be fecking daft Doc, I couldn't pick the cunts up!"
 
#17
Mick's not been to confession in a number of years and decides to make the effort. Summining up the courage he heads into the confessional box and gets his bearings.

In front of him there's a marble top shelf with a Guinness pump designed into it and the barrel connected up. Alongside that, is a selection of single malt whiskeys with a ine of the finest Waterford chrystal tumblers. As he looks about further, he notices a box of Cuban Romeo y Juliatas beside a box of Belgium chocolates.

He pushes across the confessional slat and says to the priest - " Jaaasus, Father, things have certainly changes since I was last here".
" Get the feck out of there! You're on my side" shouts the priest.
 
#18
Mick's not been to confession in a number of years and decides to make the effort. Summining up the courage he heads into the confessional box and gets his bearings.

In front of him there's a marble top shelf with a Guinness pump designed into it and the barrel connected up. Alongside that, is a selection of single malt whiskeys with a ine of the finest Waterford chrystal tumblers. As he looks about further, he notices a box of Cuban Romeo y Juliatas beside a box of Belgium chocolates.

He pushes across the confessional slat and says to the priest - " Jaaasus, Father, things have certainly changes since I was last here".
" Get the feck out of there! You're on my side" shouts the priest.

Done here http://www.arrse.co.uk/miscellaneous-jokes/198006-confessional-dave-allen-style.html
 

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