Paddy and Murphy's night out

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by bobthebrit, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. It's St. patricks day and a good night on the town is to be had by all!!!
    All except for paddy and murphy. After emptying their pockets they realise they've not enough money for even one drink!!!
    "Not to worry" says paddy, "I've got an idea"
    so murphy is optimistic (not to mention needs a few pints) and decides to go along with paddy.
    they're walking down the street when paddy goes into O'Neil's butcher shop.
    Murphy stands outside, a bit confused until paddy returns with a rather large sausage.
    "here's the plan" says paddy.
    "we go to the pub, drink to our hearts content, then we're asked to pay the tab, i'll put the sausage through my trouser zipper, you get on yer knees and suck the sausage. the bartender will be soo disgusted he'll kick us out without having to pay!!!"
    murphy is skeptical at first but thinks what the hey! it's St. Paddy's day and I need to drink.
    so they first go to Quinn's tavern.
    after going through three pints each, the bartender asks for some money.
    sure enough, paddy pulls the sausage out of his trouser zipper and murphy gets on his knees and starts sucking on it.
    "you filthy bastards" the bartender screams and kicks them out of the pub without making them pay.
    "well that wasn't so bad" says murphy "but i'm not quite drunk enough yet"
    so paddy and murphy go to the next pub down the street.
    after four drinks each and a bottle of scotch, the bartender asks them for some money.
    once again paddy gets the sausage out his trouser zipper and murphy gets on his knees and starts sucking the sausage.
    "you disgusting arseholes" the bartender yells and again they are kicked out without having to pay for the drinks
    paddy and murphy continue trying their luck to the early hours of the morning each time being sucessful in not having to pay.
    they come to the thirteenth pub of the night and murphy stops paddy at the door and says "paddy i can't keep going on like this, my back hurts, my knees are sore and and my lips are dry and cracked from all the sucking"
    paddy turns to murphy and says
    "you think you've had it bad??? I lost the fucking sausage after the third pub!!!"
     
  2. :cry: Aw, come on. Did they have to be Irish?