Own up whoever it was

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by OldRedCap, Apr 6, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Who has been misleading vulnerable young persons?
     
  2. If only birds were like that here... lol.... rather take one up the wrong-un here rather than give you a good blow-job
     
  3. Yank trouts mean 2 things. An*l and blow jobs.
     
  4. Would you?
     
  5. I have read and re-read that article, at no stage does it mention septics taking it up the trump-tube

    I know scousers arses spout similar to thier mouths but surely even a shoplifter can determine the difference between oral and anal sex.

    Dale can, she likes both full of c0ck............
     
  6. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    Can I just say, before I get accused of sex-tourism, that I was planning to go to california for my summer hols BEFORE i read that nearly 1/3 of american teenagers wish to engage in oral sex. I am going for the marine life and possibly a bit of skydiving, I will NOT be hanging around school yards offering sweets for tricks. Whatever MDN says to the contrary is wrong. On many levels.
     
  7. Be careful, all the septic chicks have braces on until they are 40...... get yer purple-peeley-back stuck in there and your sure to wince.
     
  8. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    It's ok, ever since the "bet you can't fit it in there" game I played with monkey dave after a bottle of tequila, I've had to have a surgical scaffold brace inserted along the length of my old fella and 2/3 of my penile flesh has been grafted from my arrse. I also have one prosthetic knacker as a result. Anyone chow-ing down on my old fella will experience something not unlike sucking on the Forth Road Bridge
     

  9. does that mean when you come its like drinkin irn bru?
     
  10. Did you manage to fit it in Monkey Dave?

    anything you feel you want to confess to?
     
  11. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    no, but I did fit it into monkey dave's sister, which he didn't take kindly too, hence the incident with the angle grinder.

    And no beanz, it's not like Irn Bru, more like a well shaken bottle of dandelion and burdoch (like you don't know already! :roll: )
     
  12. Ever since Clinton said it wasn't "sex"
     
  13. Pals sisters are always good, bit of a danger element in there........

    Sisters pals are a good one too... just standby for earache off little sister as you systematically pick them off one by one and tell each of them a different fib to get them in the sack.

    true story
    The night the Bizness nightclub opened in Blackpool was a couple of days before my 21st.... I ended up gettting bottled by a cnut who saw me latching on to his bird (who hadn't told me she hadn't binned him)

    I ended up with my shirt soaked in claret and ended up back at my mates house.... his mum was still up and his twelve year old sister was in bed (so I didn't do her :D )

    His mum said get that shirt off it needs soaking in salt water or that blood will stain...... So I did and she managed to save my £130 Chippie shirt..

    God knows how but my champ fell into her gob and she ended up giving me one of the worst, toothy, slobbery painful noshes I ever had.... Jesus it was dire.

    Two weeks later her estranged husband murdered her, her boyfriend and topped himself....

    I shat myself until I heard that there was nothing left of her but her teeth after the fire as he torched the house before doign himself in..... So there was no trace of any DNA around and my pal never found out his mum gave me a bad nosh.

    I was sat at the funeral and kept looking over at the boyfriends family feling slightly guilty but at the same time a bit of a boner :D
     
  14. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    See, people (ie women) say there's no such thing as a bad nosh - what rubbish, look at MDN's MILF, a few bad noshes and she gets murdered in her sleep.

    PM me women and I'll give you a few tips from the blokes perspective. Learn to breathe cyclically first though or you'll do yourself a mischief
     
  15. I would have told my mate, that his mum gave bad head, and that she needs to get it sorted, or you wont go round again!!

    Then left sharpish!