Outing a Walt - Advice Please

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by teabag, Jul 12, 2006.

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  1. I'm pretty new to Arrse; joined the TA a year ago and loving every minute of my training. The problem I have is that there's a nob down my local who always wears a Parachute Regiment tie and pin badge who's found out that I'm in the TA and has taken offence. Apparently he's done everything - 27 years in and rose through the ranks to RSM in 2 PARA; as far as he's concerned I'm a remf tosser and he likes making a big deal about it. The second he walks in to the pub he starts taking the piss. He's said a few things that have made me highly suspicious (schoolboy errors about units and ranks), boasts about how many people he killed on ops and he's lied about things like speaking 7 foreign languages which he clearly cannot (this has been proved). Basically there's lots of bullshit that I can't really prove or disprove, and it's pretty irritating.

    So in short, there's a tosser down my local who's taking the piss and making some pretty outlandish claims to a decorated military past which seems doubtful. I think he's a Walt and want to know how to go about debagging him. Is there anyone I can contact who can check out his past without breaking any privacy laws? And are there any questions you could pin him on, assuming he was in from 42-69 and in 2 PARA?

    Thanks for your help. T.
  2. He was in from 1942 - 1969? That makes him what, 82?
  3. Correction - 52-79; so he's probably in his early 70s. Claimed tours in Aden and Malaya which would make it that period.
  4. Ask him what colour the boat house is in the Shot or the truth behind 3 Para mortars. ;)

    Seriously, ask him what the Regt slow march is. Being an ex RSM, he should know it off the tip of his tongue. If he's a genned up walt on Para history, he may well know.

    I'm sure there are some crusty old paras on here who could verify.
  5. Ride of the Valkyries....or is that the Quick March.

    If he's an ex-RSM of 2 Para (Supposedly), then it should be very easy to check out. There must be some 2 Para lads on here who would be able to give you some information.
  6. Sounds like a senile old tosser. Kill him. Its the only way.
  7. There are masses of memoirs on the web of blokes who were in 2 para in the 1970s. All you need is for one of them to mention the name of the RSM in 1979.

    Alternatively just post Walter's surname here and see if those that know can say yay or nay.
  8. Thats probably the easiest to trace - anyone in 2 para care to look on the boards in the mess?
  9. just me or is there also an abundance of white sas beret come rememberance sunday of gentlemen would would be far too young to have served when it was white, and by my last parade ratio would have made it one of the largest regiments of all time? 8s
  10. You're going about this the wrong way. This is a golden opportunity. You know he's a bullsh*tter, because from what he's told you, it's obvious - 7 languages ect.

    Get boned up on some aspect of his "career". And then start talking about it. Don't go in with "oh yeah? so if you were at such-and-such in '65, then how come you didn't know....ect" People like him will just waffle 'round you.

    You've got to lead him; "..hey, I was reading Max Hastings about xyz, you know, where you were in '62? And I thought it was amazing how B Coy managed to get through four ambushes in three hours and still have the nerve to go TRFP2 one hour before SPIDERS". All the time shaking your head expressing incredulity (and admiration - Walts love that) at the fictitious feat you've just described. Throw in bogus acronyms and like TRFP2 and SPIDERS. Be ready with bogus longhand for your bogus acronyms - if he challenges you, trot them out with that "you don't know that" look.

    Are you a regular at the pub? Make sure others know you're leading him and then when the time comes, lance him. Or not, if you're enjoying it tooooo much.

    Some people get all het up about Walts. They shouldn't, they're excellent sport.
  11. Theres not much you can do. It is a little known fact that every licensed premises in England and Wales must have by law at least one walt per evening session from the hours of 1800-2330. Walts must wear regimental apparel (supplied by e-bay) of at least one or all of the following formations. SAS, SBS, Parachute Regiment, Royal Marines. In more cosmopolitan city centre bars dispensation also allows them to claim association to French foreign Legion, Rhodesian Light Infantry or US Navy seals. A detailed knowledge of these formations is not required, but an up to date subscription to Combat & Survival will give the walt all the intelligence he needs in his vital operational role of boring the arsse off anyone in earshot! :x

    Walts are renumerated by a secret system code named 'invalidity benefit' or 'income support' but they prefer to call it 'me war pension' (after being injured and invalided out after jumping into Goose Green in '82 from a Vulcan bomber from 50ft!)

    Walts are of course masters of camouflage. Who would think that that 23 stone pie guzzling chain smoking alcoholic wreck with a consumptives cough and skin looking like the side of a pork pie could kill you with just his eyelid? :roll:
  12. It takes a big man to make Para RSM!, if he's petty enough to wind you up about being a STAB, he's probably a walt.
    Sneak up on him from behind with a 36oz claw hammer. If he's the real deal, he'll ping you, if not, splatter his walting grey matter across the walls of the pub.
  13. Lol,

    "If you can't spot the walt in your local, its probably you"