Outing a kit tart

#1
OK We all know one. They buy anything that makes them look ally and it doesn't really do anything spectacular.
What are your prefered methods of outage and examples are welcome too.
 
#2
Guilty as charged course report once read "has lots of nice kit but dosent know how to use it" :oops: have improved a bit since then.

Favorite outing soldier head to foot in gucci kit arktis smock sass trousers lowa boots chest rig all ready for fibua .Killed off on outskirts of
copehill down :twisted: . Oh how we laughed .

Though being called a kit tart ."And having can i borrow your leatherman?
can you stick my boily in your cooker ? get your gps out and get us a grid :roll: .
 
#4
Why is always chefs/store men who do it?
 
#6
People who aren't Para Reg, but still still wear Para smocks and carft their berets to look like Para berets.
 
#7
once had a lad who, for some reason, had a FOGB 'SOF-Tanto-whatever' knife taped to the back yoke straps of his uber-ally webbing. Why he, as an engineer, would need that knife is beyond me.

anyways, he was thereafter christened Rambo.

His reputation was not further helped by going down on exercise, on Thetford trg area, in september, in a light drizzly rain, with HYPOTHERMIA. (Apparently!!!)
 
#8
I did an exercise with a Medical unit which should remain unamed (3CSMR) a few years back.

Alot of good characters floating about and I got matey with a few lance jacks and Full screws who took great pleasure in introducing me to their rambo's. I swear I've never seen that many knives in the cookhouse never mind on one persons webbing. They also had other such populars as Mr 9 utility pouches on my webbing man. Mr UGL round pouches on his Daysacks (Interesting that is). Miss £120 cop vest that looks like it fits her dad. Mr Sniper Smock. Oh and Mr Scrim wrapped around helmet!

Twas a lovely time where I learned how to abuse my powers of Skiving and sense of humour. Would definately do it again.
 
#9
Guilty as charged. I'm often seen wearing tropical shirts that stopped being issued years before I joined. Plus, the closest I've been to the jungle is fighting through my girlfriends snatch hair. :D

Also got the issue survival knife and 25m of paracord on my webbing. Never used them, they just look nice. 8)

My come-uppance was when I tried to put a Minimi sling on my rifle (foolishly thinking that would look uber ally) ...the clips didn't quite clip onto the sling loops. Cue almighty crash as Subbis slings his weapon onto his shoulder, rifle flies off into the Ulu and cue much mirth from the Platoon. :oops:

Never again. If it's not G1098, I'm not carrying it.
 
#10
TheCheerfulSubbie said:
Guilty as charged. I'm often seen wearing tropical shirts that stopped being issued years before I joined. Plus, the closest I've been to the jungle is fighting through my girlfriends snatch hair. :D

Also got the issue survival knife and 25m of paracord on my webbing. Never used them, they just look nice. 8)

My come-uppance was when I tried to put a Minimi sling on my rifle (foolishly thinking that would look uber ally) ...the clips didn't quite clip onto the sling loops. Cue almighty crash as Subbis slings his weapon onto his shoulder, rifle flies off into the Ulu and cue much mirth from the Platoon. :oops:

Never again. If it's not G1098, I'm not carrying it.
Did the same thing just before taking a CIA guy out on a fam patrol. Using the carrying shoulder strap thingy off a Clansman ancils bag as I had lost my sling. Que weapon dropping barrel first into wet mud and que me then taking an extra 10 minutes pulling through, slating myself and finding a utility strap and some black nasty!
 
#11
It's usually quite funny when the cadets are performing their annual WHT. I was observing one at RAF Lyneham ranges, as they were supposed to be attaching the sling. At which point he pulls a shiny new Blackhawk one point sling out of his pocket and clips it the rear sling swivel and announces "done".
Needless to say he had to run to the runway and back. :twisted:
 
#12
Had a clerk in Afghanistan, never left the office, had a pouch on his stable belt with emergency essentials in it or attached. Mini maglite, notepad, pen, pencil, whistle. I was so jealous, all I had was a damn leatherman! :)
 
#13
A favourite OTC way of outing a kit tart was to wait until the said kit tart enters TAC, wearing his brand new Assault Vest, Bergan and fully packed SAS smock. At the given signal, the whole Platoon would then very slowly approach them, muttering “What’s in here? What’s in here?” while surrounding him, holding him down and slowly emptying the contents of every single pouch and pocket onto the floor.

Bonus points were added if you managed to strip his rifle and magazines down as well, and if you got him 2 minutes before you were about to get on the coach for the weekend, so much the better. :twisted:
 
#14
Hi I'm FFBox and I'm a kit tart.................it started in the early 80's when I was fed up with the '58 patt schlaf sac.......................
 
#15
Make a habit of quietly unzipping/undoing one of the multiple pockets on their customised smock when they're not looking. DS will run them ragged and they will develop paranoia into the bargain. :D

Once knew a L/Cpl who was head to toe in Gucci kit - he replaced everything the army gave him with his own property- had even bought additional C95 clothing instead of the store issue.

Also memorable for using his own M-16 magazines with the SA80 - did not go down well with range staff 8O
 
#16
We had a clerk attached to us in Kosovo (1999) anyway the Inf lads had started attaching Maglight clips to their Rifles to look uber ally. Well fcuk me what did the clerk walk in with? yes you guessed it the very same Maglight clip with the biggest Maglight strapped to the underside of his wpn.

Strangely though his nickname was the General.
 
#17
I remember a lecture about how to iron kit and being told never to put anything in the cargo pockets of the C95 trousers under pain of beasting. So what are they for?

And it's a bad idea to say "thanks, mate" to the QM when collecting the ridiculous amount of kit they make you unpack, try on and then squeeze into a very small bag.

"I am not your fecking mate!!!", etc , etc as you stand in your pants wearing a jacket with sleeves six inches too long. So rude.
 
#18
Gone through the two week 'basic-lite' and repeatedly told only to use issued kit. I was traumatised and am still thinking about taking legal action.

Now well into Gunner trade-training and each weekend manage to sneak another bit of Gucci kit in. Started with a spork, progressed through hip-pad and Thermarest to gas-cooker.

As excellent as the issued kit is, I honestly think that there are better / lighter / quicker ways of doing things.

My name is Freedomman and I'm developing a habit!
 
#19
Phew. I thought this thread was about me!

I buy a lot of kit because I get issued two fifths of fcuk-all, being a CFAV, but this is my hobby, not my profession. The pay I get subsidises my addiction. Everything I buy has to work well and will be tested before it becomes a permanent part of my kit. It must be simple, reliable and lightweight. I dont care If I look a cünt using/wearing it. I didnt get it as a fashion statement or to look ally. I got it to use it. I got it to make my life easier, comfortable and me more effective.

But being a kit freak has disadvantages for the kit freak and advantages for the freeloading basturds who are always 'borrowing' my kit.

I've lost count of the times I have been asked 'Can I borrow your leatherman/maglite/jetboil' only to be returned a blunt leatherman with snapped blades, a maglite with flat batteries and a dirty jetboil with an empty gas cartridge. A case of 'Not my kit, so I'm not looking after it'

Fück off and buy your own gucci gear :evil:

I'll enjoy the banter, by all means, but if you are that freeloading basturd, you are beneath contempt!
 
#20
:oops:

Guilty on all counts yer honour!!!!
 

Latest Threads

Top