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Our Boys blitz Taliban bash!

#1
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/h...634231.ece
By JEROME STARKEY
with Our Boys in Helmand

BRITISH commandos launched a devastating blitz on the Taliban – as the evil terrorists held a party to celebrate Benazir Bhutto’s murder.

The dawn raid was staged after messages were intercepted about the sick knees-up in Afghanistan’s Helmand province.

Royal Marines crept into position as the fanatics partied the night away just hours after Ms Bhutto was killed in Pakistan.

The bash was being held in ruined compounds a few hundred yards from Our Boys’ remote base in Kajaki.

Ragtag Taliban sentries tried to hit back with machine gun fire – but stood no chance against the heroes of 40 Commando’s Charlie Company.
MORE on the link
 
#3
Rumours that the Royal Marines only started the fire fight when they were rumbled as gate crashers at the party are being quashed by the MoD.

Apparently they got a little carried away, got naked and then roll mats started coming out!!!! :p
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#5
Well done the Royals, hope you went in to minesweep the bar afterwards.

But why does every Scum hack have to write like it's a synopsis from a Commando comic?
 
#6
cloudbuster said:
Well done the Royals, hope you went in to minesweep the bar afterwards.

But why does every Scum hack have to write like it's a synopsis from a Commando comic?
It was a Taliban bar, probably dryer than a camels nut sack.

Shhhh, you'll give away the Defence writers secret. A wall to wall stack of 30p Training manuals in the office.
 
#7
chocolate_frog said:
Rumours that the Royal Marines only started the fire fight when they were rumbled as gate crashers at the party are being quashed by the MoD.

Apparently they got a little carried away, got naked and then roll mats started coming out!!!! :p
And the Taleban also got upset that the Royals in their cocktail dresses were showing far too much cleavage.

Litotes
 
#8
cloudbuster said:
But why does every Scum hack have to write like it's a synopsis from a Commando comic?
Hahaha! I actually thought that this journo had decided to write in the style of Team America: "evil terrorists" - they're different from the fluffy cuddly type of terrorist, right? :roll:
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#9
chocolate_frog said:
It was a Taliban bar, probably dryer than a camels nut sack.
From what I've heard, there are degrees of 'observance'. :D

Shhhh, you'll give away the Defence writers secret. A wall to wall stack of 30p Training manuals in the office.
The Scum have defence writers?
 
#10
DozyBint said:
cloudbuster said:
But why does every Scum hack have to write like it's a synopsis from a Commando comic?
Hahaha! I actually thought that this journo had decided to write in the style of Team America: "evil terrorists" - they're different from the fluffy cuddly type of terrorist, right? :roll:
He has probably never heard of a tawt, tau, taut... one of those difficult words with an -ology on the end. :D :D

Litotes
 
#13
Litotes said:
And the Taleban also got upset that the Royals in their cocktail dresses were showing far too much cleavage.
Surely, being the professionals that they are, the cocktail dresses that they normally carry would be replaced by burkhas?
 
#14
God no - far too much skin covered up. It is the ability to crack on in a lovely skimpy little number regardless of location/any local customs that may be grossly offended that makes them the professionals they are.

Hope all the lads (Royal or not) and lasses out there have a safe new year.
 
#15
Were the Royals wearing their Santa bonnets? Mark you it is taking the pi$$ for Terry Taliban to be doing this a few hundred metres from the base. Good work by the guys. Right in amongst them.
 
#16
The good ol' Sun - a critic.

BRITISH commandos launched a devastating blitz on the Taliban – as the evil terrorists held a party to celebrate Benazir Bhutto’s murder.
All blitzes are devastating. No one ever survives a blitz whether it be Londoners circa 1940 or the quarter back at Soldier Field, Chicago. What's more terrorists are defined as evil and the two words should always be linked. Did Rio Ferdinand arrange this party? Were there 100 individually picked, burkha clad ladies?

The dawn raid was staged after messages were intercepted about the sick knees-up in Afghanistan’s Helmand province.
All raids are at dawn. There simply is no other time of day to stage a raid. Knees up mother Talib,. Any celebration which goes against what we say is automatically "sick" "deranged" - add your Sun adjective here " ".

Royal Marines crept into position as the fanatics partied the night away just hours after Ms Bhutto was killed in Pakistan.
You can't move into position let alone drive, waltz or do the fandango. Nope only creeping will do. Fanatics are anyone whom the Sun has deemed to be. And of course all fanatics are accustomed to partying the night away as long as it's to Islamic drum and bass.

The bash was being held in ruined compounds a few hundred yards from Our Boys’ remote base in Kajaki.
All parties are raucous affairs and only the word "Bash" will do as described in the Sun dictionary. Understandably our boys would have been a bit miffed that Al Terry Talib was having a bit of a knees up and hadn't invited them bearing in mind that their base was only a few hundred yards away and therefore the only decent thing to do was to invite the neighbours? Surely this a Pashtun custom, doubly so if the location was so remote. I don't blame the squaddies as I'd have thought it would have been a moth to a flame if there had been a chance of copping of with a bhurka clad "fill you own blank in here"

Ragtag Taliban sentries tried to hit back with machine gun fire – but stood no chance against the heroes of 40 Commando’s Charlie Company.
All enemies are rag tag, clumsy, illiterate, undisciplined, funny johnny foreigners etc and stand no chance.

Bloodthirsty
Put that tag line out there, yeehaw, lap it up mmmn bloodthirsty, has a nice after-taste doesn't it.

The terrorists were pounded with mortars, rockets and heavy machine guns.
As opposed to dildos, large black men and Timmy Mallet's rubber mallet. I'm sure that the effect would be more humanitarian. Just.

Anyone whom opposes us are terrorists. Forget any notion of Afghani tribal systems or politics and history, we need to pound them. However, I don't think that the improvisational sound of rocket, mortar and machine gun fire was accompanying the all ready pounding rhythms of the Islamic drum and bass party that the Taliban had in full swing. I'd be pissed if a DJ tried to intervene in my celebrations and so I'd send forth the might of my two finest...

Two bloodthirsty revellers trying to creep towards Our Boys in a trench were spotted by thermal-imaging equipment – and targeted with a Javelin heat-seeking missile.
Notice they didn't drive, waltz or fandango, all though I must say that from personal experience it is a tad difficult to do them there fox trot manoeuvres whilst strutting about a) in a sequinned dress and black turban, and b) high heels. After this report of high tech thermal imaging equipment it's the last time I might fancy a bit of a fiddle with a confused squaddy because I'm sure all his mates will be watching on their high tech thermal-imaging equipment, javelins in hand.

All revellers are bloodthirsty, no more so than those whom have endured a large amount of Islamic drum and bass without alcohol or narcotics. These people really ought to mellow out a bit and realise that OBL could have ordered that German nose bleed inducing techno could have been the order of the day. No need to don the old winged costume and go looking for virgins in order to suck their blood. You can get 72 of them in heaven.

The £65,000 rocket – designed to stop Soviet tanks – locked on to their body heat and tore more than a kilometer across the desert in seconds.
FFS lads have you not thought about the British taxpayer? How much does a couple of bits of Lead cost compared with the use of a high-tech gizmo like that?

Troop Sergeant Dominic Conway, 32 – who directed mortar rounds – grinned: “It must have had quite a detrimental effect on their morale.”

Sgt Conway, from Whitley Bay, Tyneside, said of the Taliban lair: “It used to be their backyard and now we’ve made it ours.”
I wish you a merry christmas and a safe new year.

7.07: Plus anyone else who's gotta do it whilst I sit here as apissd twat.
 
#17
cloudbuster said:
Well done the Royals, hope you went in to minesweep the bar afterwards.

But why does every Scum hack have to write like it's a synopsis from a Commando comic?
The Sun has always had a policy of writing all articles for an audience with a reading age of 12
 
#20
I also wonder how the terries would go about "partying the night away".No booze,no ciggies,no music ect,what were they doing?Playing non-musical chairs in the dark?Or just the usual round of kick the paperboy's back doors in?

Anyway good effort Royal's.
 

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