Our Birds (gawd luv em)

shiny

Old-Salt
#1
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the piss out of everyone she meets.

So what else could a man want, what does your Doris do for you. For her continued training and education what could make her even better at her job ???
 
#2
shiny said:
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the urine out of everyone she meets.

So what else could a man want, what does your Doris do for you. For her continued training and education what could make her even better at her job ???
Top Bird mate, Good drills, for continuation training, does she recieve stinking farts in good humour
 

shiny

Old-Salt
#3
sebcoe said:
shiny said:
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the urine out of everyone she meets.

So what else could a man want, what does your Doris do for you. For her continued training and education what could make her even better at her job ???
Top Bird mate, Good drills, for continuation training, does she recieve stinking farts in good humour
Still working on that, usually get something thrown at me bless her.
 
#5
My dream woman.

When you do get fed up with her - we all know squaddies have a low boredom threshold - let us know when you're posting her on e-bay so I can get in with the 'Buy It Know' bid.
 

shiny

Old-Salt
#6
Skiff completed, boy that hurt - but worth it.
 
#9
I hate to take the shine off mate, but you appear to be shagging a bloke.

Sorry.
 
B

Bottleosmoke

Guest
#10
So tell us about when she earned HER brown wings...................Did it hurt?

Did she lube you up or was it just a finger up the arrse as she blew you off?
 
#12
bigbird67 said:
Is Shiny shagging DALE??? 8O
Not this time, he mentioned DIET coke..... Do I look like I drink Diet Coke?
 
#15
shiny said:
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the urine out of everyone she meets.

So what else could a man want, what does your Doris do for you. For her continued training and education what could make her even better at her job ???
Oi, that sounds like MY girlfriend!! I'll kill the cheating beatch! Oh no, apart from number 7. I'm still working on that one! Sounds like we're both lucky men!
 
#16
CarpeDiem said:
shiny said:
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the urine out of everyone she meets.

So what else could a man want, what does your Doris do for you. For her continued training and education what could make her even better at her job ???
Oi, that sounds like MY girlfriend!! I'll kill the cheating beatch! Oh no, apart from number 7. I'm still working on that one! Sounds like we're both lucky men!
Miss Devil,
Pretty much ticks all of the above too!.. :wink:
Bless em!
 
#17
My last bird was almost the same, she...

1. Sat on her fat arrse all day watching TV.
2. erm.
3. Wait a min, I'll come up with something.
4. Oh, she fed her fat face.

Thinking about it, she is nothing like shinys bird, although she was a great shag (at least that's what half the Bn told me when I get back from Telic).
 
#18
Dale the snail said:
bigbird67 said:
Is Shiny shagging DALE??? 8O
Not this time, he mentioned DIET coke..... Do I look like I drink Diet Coke?
Emm yes and Lambrusco!!!!!!!!

Other than that shiney sounds a top lass wheres the Photos though???
 
#19
shiny said:
I have recently been seeing a top Doris. I have awarded her the status of honorary squaddie bird. Reasons are as follows:

1. She does a mean egg banjo on request.
2. She puts out often.
3. She has earned her brown wings.
4. There is always beer in the fridge.
5. She prefers driving to the pub as there are not as many calories in diet coke as beer.
6. She has a true squaddie sense of humour including pointing out and laughing at mongs and chavs (same thing).
7. She has more porn than I do.
8. She farts louder than I ever could.
9. She is happy to snog her girlfriends while I watch.
10. She actively takes the urine out of everyone she meets.
You have met my twin sister then, but I can add loving all sport and gambling to the list too!!
 
#20
No photos, well not for you lot anyway. I sent her a link to this thread, told her it was a romantic treat for her (I know I'm a big softy really). She is interviewing me tonight about it (gulp).
 

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