Organising a stag do…

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Goku, Sep 12, 2005.

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  1. I’m involved in organising a stag do in Edinburgh.
    I’ve never had to plan a stag before and I want this to be as depraved and perverse as the collective minds of ARRSE can muster.

    I’m particularly looking for true stories of depravity that I can copy, and if any of you from Edinburgh know of any filthy strippers who will violate my friend Nick without complaining then PM their details to me.

    So far I’m thinking of getting Nick so drunk that he passes out (I’m not above slipping him a sleeping pill if need be).
    In this inebriated state I plan to get his arrse tattooed (with what I haven’t decided yet), he will have ALL his body hair from the waist down removed, and a condom (the outside covered in tabasco sauce and the inside filled with moisturiser) will be inserted halfway up his hoop by means of a pencil.
    He WILL be left to fend for himself, naked, in the middle of the city for at least an hour (this will be in December).

    Any further twisted suggestions would be most welcome.
  2. The merriment of a weekend long stag do can be assisted by confiscating the grooms clothes early on, leaving him only with a fancy dress costume at least three sizes too small for him. We forced one chap to spend 2 1/2 days wandering round in a Superman costume. The legs only reached to the mid-calf, the arms to a point midway between the wrist and the elbow and his beer gut and arrse crack were hanging out of the back.

    Funny in the pubs and clubs of Newcastle on a Friday night. Even funnier when he had to walk down to breakfast at the restaurant of a 4 Star hotel the next morning.

    Did another that involved a trip to Shagaluf. Left the goom asleep with a tart while the rest of us took his clothes, money and passport. He eventually got back for the wedding with 3 days to spare and his missus didn't even speak to the best man for the better part of 2 years. She only relented when she was allowed to become involved with the planning of HIS stag do.
  3. Some of the strippers in the Western bar will do a special for him. We did this to a mate a few years back on his stag night. She got him naked and put a lit fag up his arse, covered him in whipped cream, whipped his arse with a riding crop and gave him lovebites. The beauty of it is that it's all recorded on the security camera, the tape has to be kept for 3 months afterwards, quality for blackmail.

    The Western is in the pubic triangle, if you're not familiar with it.
  4. Visit to find the ladies you are looking for.

    And a bicycle wheel is an incredibly inconvenient thing to be hand-cuffed to.

    You may want to check the local tattoo artists to see if they'll tattoo a paralytic individual.

    I have a book on duties of a best man, lots of good info in it for all aspects of the role not just the stag night. PM me and you can have it

    Powerpoint and handouts for the best man's speech. It's what I used!
  5. I stopped in on my last visit to Edinburgh :D
  6. Then you'll know how grotty and seedy the place is, perfect in my eyes for a ritual humiliation of a paraletic individual. The bird that did it was well up for it, i think we fed her coke habit for the week with the amount of money we gave her to do it!
  7. Was that you at Darth Doctrinus' wedding?