Opening Olympic ceromony

#1
Who do u think should open the London Olympics in 2012 bearing in mind they have to have a reasonable chance of being still alive.
 
G

Goku

Guest
#2
I would like to see the Queen open the Olympics. An event like that deserves the Royal treatment.
 
#3
As a token of solidarity and friendship I think we should invite good old Jackie Chiracky. I'm sure he would enjot the occasion :):):)
 
#4
I think this kind of event is crying out for the professionalism, panache and sheer all-round entertainment ability of Bruce Forsythe. If he ain't in it, I ain't watching.
 
#5
What about Peter Kay in a brian potter style.....he may have problems negotiating the steps in his wheelchair to light the olympic flame though.
 
#6
happyhammer said:
Who do u think should open the London Olympics in 2012 bearing in mind they have to have a reasonable chance of being still alive.
IdleAdjt said:
...Bruce Forsythe....
'Brucie' is 503 if he's a day! Do you think he's going to be alive in another 7 years? :?
 
#7
perhaps to light the torch they could set alight to Brucies syrup and fire it up into the whatsit as he pulls his now famous pose and pronounces
"Good games ..... good games"
 
#8
DozyBint said:
happyhammer said:
Who do u think should open the London Olympics in 2012 bearing in mind they have to have a reasonable chance of being still alive.
IdleAdjt said:
...Bruce Forsythe....
'Brucie' is 503 if he's a day! Do you think he's going to be alive in another 7 years? :?
Yep. He`ll live till he`s 1006

S
k
 
#9
DozyBint said:
happyhammer said:
Who do u think should open the London Olympics in 2012 bearing in mind they have to have a reasonable chance of being still alive.
IdleAdjt said:
...Bruce Forsythe....
'Brucie' is 503 if he's a day! Do you think he's going to be alive in another 7 years? :?
Brucie is actually immortal. Most people dont realise that the film "Highlander" was actually a bio-pic of his earlier life, and that he personally chose Christoper Lambert to portray him.

No really!
 
#11
thenaughtyintsprite said:
now i know this is off thread but someone told me luther vandross died the other day is that true??
Yes, he had his head cut off with a fecking great claymore.
 
#12
Yup, he has shuffled off this mortal coil.
 
#13
well, that's him off the f*cking list then eh, the big fat Kentucky fried chicken eating motherf*cker.


how about a big dancing moon headed grinning troop of mongs ... just to show we care obviously and not for any entertainment value whatsoever.

when they're finished they could all be bayonetted on the touch line and torched and kept burning for the duration of the games.
 
#14
shortfuse said:
well, that's him off the f*cking list then eh, the big fat Kentucky fried chicken eating motherf*cker.


how about a big dancing moon headed grinning troop of mongs ... just to show we care obviously and not for any entertainment value whatsoever.

when they're finished they could all be bayonetted on the touch line and torched and kept burning for the duration of the games.
I wouldnt be surprised if a similar with a less violent ending style of show is put on. After all the games are for all. With the current govt, it will be run by Bliars youth army, supported by Red Ken's mob and our new sport will be, who has the youngest single mothers, Gold, Silver and Bronze to us I think.
 
#15
shortfuse said:
well, that's him off the f*cking list then eh, the big fat Kentucky fried chicken eating motherf*cker.


how about a big dancing moon headed grinning troop of mongs ... just to show we care obviously and not for any entertainment value whatsoever.

when they're finished they could all be bayonetted on the touch line and torched and kept burning for the duration of the games.
Cracking idea, if we start them on a diet of nutella and ghee butties now, we should be able to get them up to about 45 stone in 7 years. Anything less than that, and they wont last the course. Where do you suggest we insert the wick? we could surgically implant it into their heads, or the easier option would be to ram it up their hula with a broom handle.
 
#16
feed the fuse through the lot of them, like a big grinning clappy daisy chain, just their own ammonia soaked p1ssy pants should be enough to see them smoulder for the full 17 days.

and the opening song should be performed by someone with real class

how about girls aloud, i'd get them to freefall in to perform .... on each other.

i wouldn't tell the Ginger one there weren't enough chutes to go around though.... she could join the flaming retards on the touchline.

then i'd get all the contestants from big brother 13 (??) pulled onto the pitch in a big glass box so they could wave to the crowd..... then i'd fill it with readymix and wasps.
 
#17
..... then i'd fill it with readymix and wasps


You fcuk! My monitor is soaked in Stella!
 
#18
how about blind people on motorbikes .... with their dogs in the sidecars steering them with "woofs"

we haven't seen a spectacle like this for years, lets show our commitment to nature by capturing the top 75 endangered species in the world, dragging them out of the wild and teaching them how to dance by using electrodes and sticks with nails through the end.... this could be a winner.
 
#19
I wouldn't mind seeing Dame Kelly leading the procession...............on a dog leash whilst being dry bummed off the male competitors, the spectators chanting " That's the way to do it you lezzer".

Fresh boxer shorts please......
 
#20
I like the way you're thinking Shortfuse :) I'm going to take that a little further. Okay, we have 7 years left, lets use them wisely. There are around 1,600 pandas left. They clearly hate fücking, so all we need to do are two things:
1. Around 6 months before the opening ceremony, the british embassy in Beijing spreads the rumour that eating the supple tips of panda ears makes your knob grow. A month later, after the chinese have found all of the worlds pandas and nipped their ears off, they are then told that treated knobs will be big but useless unless a poultice consisting of oregano and panda heart is applied twice a week.

2. A panda is moved to a secret bank vault somewhere in UK before contacting Beijing.

The chinese, koreans and japs will massacre the world panda population within months leaving the only living panda safe in our vault leaving us with the most original and hugely impressive way to open OUR games, by sacrificing the world's only living panda. For the purposes of political correctness, a disabled child could clumsily set fire to the panda before pushing it into the gas cloud for the olympic flame. Its a definite goer! :twisted:)
 

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