This is the thread where you bare to the world your (and others) culinary cock ups. ....And perhaps where others can suggest a rescue for the next person who falls into the same trap.

I'll start.

For years, the sum total of my son's culinary expertise has been the ability to judge the correct amount of boiling water to put into Pot Noodles. For the last eighteen months, he has been delighting in making his own mayonnaise/yoghurt/Tabasco dips to accompany Pringles during his 3am internet sessions.

Out of the blue, he expressed an interest in making bread. Not the packet stuff that you add water to and leave it to the breadmaker, but real bread using the basic ingredients and involving physical effort. (I'm wondering if he's pregnant).

Wifey offered to play a supporting role. Leave him to it, but be on hand to explain the technical terms like knead, rest and rise and to keep an eye on the timing.

He chose a recipe out of one of our older cookery books, followed the instructions to the letter and produced a very nice looking crispy-crust round loaf.

Sampling it, Wifey decided that it was a bit yeasty. I thought that it was quite nice in general, but could have benefited from the oven being 20 degrees cooler and baked for an extra 10 minutes or so - it seemed a bit doughy in the middle.

During the evening, Wifey mulled over the baking process and interrogated Son, gradually identifying the error.

The recipe had called for 30g of yeast. To those in the know, this quantity obviously refers to fresh yeast. But Son was not in the know. Instead, he diligently opened sachets of dried yeast, weighed them and continued adding more sachets (7g each) until he had 30g. Why he chose to ignore the big words on the box of 8 sachets saying "MAKES UP TO 13 LOAVES", I don't know.

So we now have a loaf that has the yeast content of eight loaves. Do we bin it? Or eat it, washed down with fruit juice and sugar, and look forward to being quite merry on Tuesday?
Very good, Puttees!

I test my fire alarm at regular intervals... does that count? And last week I swamped the kitchen because I started filling the sink for the washing up, became distracted and forgot what I was doing.

I blame my landlord because he hasn't fixed the overflow!

Puttees this is the bread recipe for yer lad.

3 3/4 lb strong flour.
4oz marg
4oz milk powder
2 pints of Luke warm water........
3 oz yeast (dried)..

Put all dry ingredients in the bowl.

Mix thoroughly

Add water.

Mix to a slightly sticky consistency.

When done, put in floured bowl.....and place in a warm place.......This is prove number one.

20 min or so later....Or when the mix has doubled in size.......Smack the shit out of the mix and put back in floured bowl..............This is prove number 2.

When mix has doubled again.............Knock the shit out of it and then shape what bread you want.

Place on whatever tray you are cooking on ..............Then let double again.

When the mix has raised...............Bang in the oven.

Bread heaven.

Cheers N_W.
northern_warrior said:
..3 oz yeast (dried)..
Do you like yeasty bread too?

That's enough for - let me see - 3oz = 75g = 11 sachets = 17 loaves.

Fresh yeast?
I thought I'd made a balls up by knocking a bottle over once but it turned out to be a major culinary discovery.

Next time your about to put some tuna-mayo on your jacket spud, mix a bit of tabasco into it first.

Benny687 said:
I thought I'd made a balls up by knocking a bottle over once but it turned out to be a major culinary discovery.

Next time your about to put some tuna-mayo on your jacket spud, mix a bit of tabasco into it first.

Cookery forum for that nugget of info mate

Has feck all to do with yeast products :D

Cheers N_W.
A friends wife was in hospital having the baby so as I'd made a batch of curry I told him to get some beer & come round for a curry.Problem was I'd overdone the chili's & it was too hot to eat! It gave me a serious case of ring burn & made him ill!
when did this become a pile problem? thought it was a yeast one!

Hovis all the way for me!!!

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