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The prison wedding to your Hulk Hogan lookalike cellmate in Tijuana doesn't count.
Is there any chance Rincewind can throw his hat into the ring? Maybe send her the photos from his sponsored walk? She's bound to start dripping like a George Foreman Grill.
Is that really the best you have? This display of yours is even more childish than I ever expected even of you. Big man likes to talk trash about another man's woman or marriage. Here's a hint --- It's neither big nor many. It's simply immature and petty. You've made my point quite well. Quit embarrassing yourself as it is almost painful to witness.