I had a phone call from a nice Indian chap today called "James"; he wanted to speak to the main user of the household's windows based computer. Now my better half had told me off in the past for my usual IA drills of screaming abuse and hanging up so I let James speak. He tried to tell me that he worked for a small company based in Halifax, West Yorkshire that offered support to windows customers and that my computer had downloaded malicious files without my knowledge. I was curious to see where he was going so I played along for a bit. He had me bring up event viewer by pressing windows + r and typing in "eventvwr" then pressing "applications". I'd never seen this programme before (did a quick google of "eventvwr" before I did anything just in case I was about to knock out a system file or something) but it basically brought up a list of what applications had been run and when. He then asked me to look for yellow warnings and red errors; I did as much and read the descriptions of the errors and saw, not too surprisingly, that they were the error messages that have popped up on my screen and had messages like "setup.exe quit as there is another installation in progress". This was where he tried his pitch. He asked how many there were and I said 4 or 5. He says "Oh my God! There shouldn't be any! I will arrange our extended software warranty for you". When pressed he then explained that the software warranty was a programme on my computer that would stop these nasty red and yellow things. He passed me to his boss "Mike" (whose English was a little better) who asked some of the same questions; I told him I had 10 or 11 red and yellows and he said "Oh my God! You shouldn't have more than 4 or 5!" I was then offered the warranty for £67 for a year, £127 for two years and £187 for three years. "Mike" asked me to bring up internet explorer (he didn't understand me when I asked if it would be ok if I used a different browser) and type in some address for a remote access site so an engineer could fix my computer for me. I called him on his bullshit at this point and he still tried to defend himself by saying I wasn't a computer expert. When I told him that he wasn't either he hung up. I tried getting a contact number or address out of them but they weren't for it. Still managed to waste half an hour of their time that they might have spent conning some poor old biddy out of her pension though. *******.