One that made me gag

During training one of the psych patients in the ward used to pick his nose constantly and wipe it on the wall next to his bed. What's wrong with that you might well ask? He was constipated to the point when he coughed he coughed up sh1t. Picking his nose was no different. I used to end up crying laughing when others would see him do this, spot the black brown colour of the "snot" stripe on the wall and on his finger and then run off to puke.
 
mizkrissi said:
During training one of the psych patients in the ward used to pick his nose constantly and wipe it on the wall next to his bed. What's wrong with that you might well ask? He was constipated to the point when he coughed he coughed up sh1t. Picking his nose was no different. I used to end up crying laughing when others would see him do this, spot the black brown colour of the "snot" stripe on the wall and on his finger and then run off to puke.
Constipated to the point that he was coughing up sh1t 8O 8O 8O 8O

I had no idea that was possible, if i'm ever going to be ill, please god dont let that be a symptom!!!

Boney
 
boney_m said:
mizkrissi said:
During training one of the psych patients in the ward used to pick his nose constantly and wipe it on the wall next to his bed. What's wrong with that you might well ask? He was constipated to the point when he coughed he coughed up sh1t. Picking his nose was no different. I used to end up crying laughing when others would see him do this, spot the black brown colour of the "snot" stripe on the wall and on his finger and then run off to puke.
Constipated to the point that he was coughing up sh1t 8O 8O 8O 8O

I had no idea that was possible, if i'm ever going to be ill, please god dont let that be a symptom!!!

Boney
Yes very common with treatment resistant schizophrenia sufferers. Poorly managed bowel care results in them either vomiting, coughing or in this case nose mining the resultant backlog. ECT usually works a treat in these cases :wink:
 
I almost forgot the 'nam veteran who, nightly, would crap on his bed and pee in a glass. He would eat the resulting richard and "rinse" his mouth with the pee.
 
mizkrissi said:
I almost forgot the 'nam veteran who, nightly, would crap on his bed and pee in a glass. He would eat the resulting richard and "rinse" his mouth with the pee.
Krissi, you know some fcuked up people - or have a scat fettish :wink:

So, just for clarity, someone can be unlucky enough to have treatment resistant schizophrenia, and as a result your plumming backs up until it comes out of your nose??? If you find yourself in this situation, nature has really dealt you a sh1tty card.

Boney
 
boney_m said:
mizkrissi said:
I almost forgot the 'nam veteran who, nightly, would crap on his bed and pee in a glass. He would eat the resulting richard and "rinse" his mouth with the pee.
Krissi, you know some fcuked up people - or have a scat fettish :wink:

So, just for clarity, someone can be unlucky enough to have treatment resistant schizophrenia, and as a result your plumming backs up until it comes out of your nose??? If you find yourself in this situation, nature has really dealt you a sh1tty card.

Boney

Yes it is due to the antipsychotic medications. They disrupt a lot more than the voices in the head :D
 
In Germany a quite a few years ago, one of the lads from the CLT in Herford had been having a contest with one of the SPAM's that were going on exercise with us. When it came to the ultimate man test, the lad from the CLT decided that he'd microwave his sh** butty between 2 slices of bread and proceed to eat it. Well this put the pigs bar in uproar, and quite a few of them in the sh**ter throwing up. This wasn't the end of it however as the poor wedge head copped for 28 days pokey for bringing the Army into disrepute!!!
 
Well I coughed very hard once and blew off
 

borainne

Swinger
On a class 1 cse many years ago in darkest hampshire, two p1ssed up herberts decided they had such desperate munchies that anything would do. One of these flickering wits raided the sheila's dump bin for something fresh, microwaved it, then shared it with his mate....they woke up the following morning thinking they'd been fighting, until an irate instructor showed them the baked claret in the microwave and the left over strings..
 

cannonpig

Clanker
Sniper_Bird said:
The same man, in the bar one night, got another lad to barf in a glass, which he then drank! This caused not only me to be sick, but two other GROWN men!  ;D  
Let me set the the scene...
NAAFI Bar, round table, four chaps seated. Someone vomits on table, they eat, last person eating collects cash donated by all & sundry, what's the problem..?
 

joobs

Old-Salt
I recall lots of "games" which were played in the good old days. A couple which come to mind are:

Gobbing on a window - First contestant gobs on a window pane and next has to lick it up and then gob it back. This continues with the gob getting bigger and bigger until eventually someone spews or the spit reaches the bottom of the pane. Loser buys the round of course.

Sh*t on a plate - Contestants sit round a table and someone shits (the more watery the better) onto a plate which is then covered by another. After placing your face in parallel with the level of the table the top plate is smacked down and the one who has the most spots of cack on his face loses and has to buy the round.

Ahhh, hours of enjoyment for everyone.

Then of course there is the ceremony which you can undertake (voluntary) if you are part of MT Wksp in the FI, The Sprocket. Stripped to your underpants and smeared in a mixture of various liquids such as tyre lube you squeeze your body through a sprocket (various sizes avail - all quite small) a couple of times. Just so it isn't made too easy there are a couple of "helpers" on hand to make sure that the sprocket is rotated at strategic points on your anatomy; groin, nips, etc. - No point without a bit of pain, eh lads. Heck, even an RAF lass done it while I was there. A Navy lad who asked to take part did start to cry and pulled out halfway through though. What a wimp. If you're a fat lad you don't need to worry about the sprocket getting stuck on your layers of excess flab (as it sometimes does) as there is always a welder on hand to cut the sprocket off.
 

TWAM_Man

Clanker
A mate of mine tells a good story of when he was in Brunei with his lot.
Being so very hammered and having exhausted all the other usual eating games they decided to catch small, non-poisonous, tree frogs and see who could eat the most .... live (perhaps this is where they got the idea for 'Bush Tucker Challenge'!!).
Anyhoos - the game was won by one of the mad fekkers eating 8 ... yes 8 .. of these little frogs.
And they all went off to bed.
At 0730hrs they had a 'jungle run' in full kit.
One of the lead guys who'd been involved in the previous nights shennanigans puked ... bits of frog'n'all ... over the track and nearly every man who came upon that scene did the same when they saw the freshly displayed stomach contents and smelt the stench of decomposing frogs!!!
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I don't seem to recall much of this sort of goings on in the Officers' Mess!
 

pompey

War Hero
I once watched a guy recreate the pottery scene from Ghost by placing a fresh turd onto an upturned can of Stella and as someone slowy made the can turn round, he put his thumbs into the jobby and attempted to make something...

As everything gathered around him and cheered him on, the Padre at the bar asked what was going on over there...
"Poo pottery" was the reply! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

pegasus797

War Hero
Pulled duty pti one night, turned into another pretty uneventful evening so sat reading paper in boss's office while new bod carried out his cleaning tasks. reg wives had the squash courts and after they'd finnished in the changing rooms, had the bod cleaning them as i started my lock up. Found an unused tampon in the ladies as i checked the fire exits, so took it, made way back to boss's office and retrieved fruit corner from bin, openned tampon and dipped into the last of the jam. Took it with me as i went to check his progress in the changing rooms. Started doing my checks, went into one of the cubicles and came out carrying the tampon by the string, then started giving him a bollocking about attention to detail and "if the boss saw this...., etc............so we'd better get rid of this" I then started licking the jam rag...."mmmm, fresh" and was then rewarded by the new bod emptying the contents of his stomach across the floor.

Needless to say, the cleaning and lock up took a bit longer that night!!!
 

fatcakes

War Hero
Sh*t on a plate - Contestants sit round a table and someone shits (the more watery the better) onto a plate which is then covered by another. After placing your face in parallel with the level of the table the top plate is smacked down and the one who has the most spots of cack on his face loses and has to buy the round.
Good old freckles..... saw a mod to this once..

DANGER freckles...

Rule is that all playing had to keep mouths open!
 

Ernie

Old-Salt
joobs said:
Sh*t on a plate - Contestants sit round a table and someone shits (the more watery the better) onto a plate which is then covered by another. After placing your face in parallel with the level of the table the top plate is smacked down and the one who has the most spots of cack on his face loses and has to buy the round.

quote]

Its called freckles
 

armykitbag

Swinger
ow!

I for one wouldn't drink me own puke, let alone someone elses. 8O
 

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