One that made me gag

I thought 'Freckles involved Eartha Kitt and a beer mat and a fist??
 

leeanne

War Hero
I tend to gag when I laugh too much when drunk.......Or when I've got 'The male Cock' shoved down my throat! :p SLLUURRPPP

Why do you guys insist that us women drink a cup of hot tea, or eat sum ice cream b4 we do it?? Weird....is it not uncomfortable? ???
 
Dunno but Ive just knocked one out thinking about that last post..................Good girl
 
Watching two pissed up squaddies on adventure training- helping the german reps at a german holiday resort in mallorca show the kids how to do the Music man.  100's of arrogant Germans laughing at their kids with arms stretched wide running around humming to the Dambusters - I gagged on beer that was choking me from laughter just to think the arrogant mams and dads didn't have a scoobies.
 
Could Leeaane please ask some more graphic questions......i,m nearly there ::)
 
Shes a 6'2 Brickie from stockport with hairy palms.................. that help ;D
 

Don_Beeay

Swinger
Never had a Section Omelette

Per Person

4 raw eggs
pint of milk
2 tsp salt
2 tsp pepper
large knob of butter
dash of lea and perrins
4 ozs chopped pork
2 ozs cheese

Each person eats the lot raw.  Quick BFT [or assault course if preferred].  Throw in a couple of gambols [any direction].

Barf ingredients into hot wok over a hexy stove.  Cook until golden brown and eat the fucking lot.

Pukka!!!!!!!
 

Undertaker

Old-Salt
Sounds remarkably like something I saw on Jackass!!

Coincidence?

Many years ago in a Regiment with no name, two rival troops were having a grot competition.  After everyone had passed the bucket of p**s, p**e and fag butts we were at a loss of how to break the deadlock.

Some bright spark has an idea and decides a rep from each troop have to step forward.  The same bright spark goes outside and comes back 5 minutes later with a steaming turd on a paper plate.

The first rep to eat the turd would have their team win........yep good old Smudge grabbed it and ate it like a knobbly snickers bar.  Cue multiple barfing and people throwing themselves out of windows.

True I swear!!!

He brushed his teeth for at least an hour that night!!

 
Watching Pte xxxxxx Shag some munter up the chocky starfish in the block whilst throwing up his Jonny Gurka's Ruby in the metal room bin. every time he threw up she screamed more, I almost sh!t myself with Laughter, but instead I blew chucks everywhere ;D
 
I thought chunks was your dog

Wouldn't be blowing him ;D
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
when i cam e out the mob i could drink like a fish, as long as it were pints of brandy and coke or pernod and lemmonade. Pints or beer used to bloat me and make me sick pdq. especially if i was trying to drink as fast as other folks.

Anyhoo sittingtin the pub once lunchtime with the lads they were all bragging about silly civy things and we taking the p1ss outa of me coz i was drinking my beeres slowly.
So i had the urge for a snack but the pub did not do food, it seemed like a great idead to nip to the butcher next door and buy a pound of rump steak which i proceed to eat au nateraul so to speak. ( it's was nicer with pepper on and this was before bsc)
I enjoyed me meal and order another pint and carried on wiv the lads... after about five pints i declined to drink any more because i was very very full up and bloated... they all took the p1ss and inssited i continue.
Not one to be a party pooper i continued for about another three pints when i had the urge to puke.
They got me a bowl from behind the bar at the speed of a thousand gazells and i promptly puked untill my golden doughnut came into view.

Ye said civvies were laffing fit to burst at the ex squaddie who could not hold his ae untill....


as the governer took the bowl away from me i called him back, he though i was going to chuck up again .
.
but no, i just fished in to the bowl and hooked out some of the steak that i had eaten before and got stcuk in to it again.. luvverly.

After that if i said that i had enough they all knew I meant it... they were pleased to see me on the brandy as well. ho ho ho. 8O
 

joobs

Old-Salt
Some years ago whilst on leave I was sitting in a local pub with my mates when some other guys we knew came in and sat with us. With them it transpires was another squaddie who my mates and I had never met before. After a short time this lad decides to ask what mob I'm with. After informing him it was REME he proceeds to tell us all how he is in the Paras (yawn) and what wankers, wimps, etc. my Corps were. I sit through this harangue of insult with naught but a smile on my face and I can see that my friends are bewildered as to my apparant unconcern.

At this point a barmaid was doing the rounds cleaning tables and emptying ashtrays and as she approached our table I took my opportunity. Using my quarter full pint of lager as a starter I emptied our ashtray into it and then squeezed out the beer and dirt sodden rag the barmaid had been cleaning the tables with to top it up. I then challenged the "Big Hard" Para to drink with me. I drank the first half of the pint and on offering the remainder to him he suddenly had the urge to visit the toilet.

I patiently waited until he had returned and after noting his somewhat palid complexion commented that if he didn't want his half of the pint then I'd take it - and quaffed it down (had to chew the fag buts a bit). Our Para ran from the Pub with what what I assume were bits of his stomach lining exiting his mouth.

Needless to say neither my mates nor the lads who the gobby Para had come in with think that REME are wimps. In fact, they seem to feel that the Paras ain't all they like to boast they are.
 
joobs said:
Some years ago whilst on leave I was sitting in a local pub with my mates when some other guys we knew came in and sat with us. With them it transpires was another squaddie who my mates and I had never met before. After a short time this lad decides to ask what mob I'm with. After informing him it was REME he proceeds to tell us all how he is in the Paras (yawn) and what wankers, wimps, etc. my Corps were. I sit through this harangue of insult with naught but a smile on my face and I can see that my friends are bewildered as to my apparant unconcern.

At this point a barmaid was doing the rounds cleaning tables and emptying ashtrays and as she approached our table I took my opportunity. Using my quarter full pint of lager as a starter I emptied our ashtray into it and then squeezed out the beer and dirt sodden rag the barmaid had been cleaning the tables with to top it up. I then challenged the "Big Hard" Para to drink with me. I drank the first half of the pint and on offering the remainder to him he suddenly had the urge to visit the toilet.

I patiently waited until he had returned and after noting his somewhat palid complexion commented that if he didn't want his half of the pint then I'd take it - and quaffed it down (had to chew the fag buts a bit). Our Para ran from the Pub with what what I assume were bits of his stomach lining exiting his mouth.

Needless to say neither my mates nor the lads who the gobby Para had come in with think that REME are wimps. In fact, they seem to feel that the Paras ain't all they like to boast they are.
Of course you did the above mate, I'm not doubting any of it.
This time next week it will not be a para but SAS trooper you fucked over.

You lying cnut.
 

joobs

Old-Salt
Geordie_Blerk said:
Of course you did the above mate, I'm not doubting any of it.
This time next week it will not be a para but SAS trooper you fucked over.

You lying cnut.
I think not but if you don't want to believe what I said I don't care. Those who knew me in the Army
well know what I was capable of doing and have done.
 

Eggbanjo

War Hero
joobs said:
Some years ago whilst on leave I was sitting in a local pub with my mates when some other guys we knew came in and sat with us. With them it transpires was another squaddie who my mates and I had never met before. After a short time this lad decides to ask what mob I'm with. After informing him it was REME he proceeds to tell us all how he is in the Paras (yawn) and what wankers, wimps, etc. my Corps were. I sit through this harangue of insult with naught but a smile on my face and I can see that my friends are bewildered as to my apparant unconcern.

At this point a barmaid was doing the rounds cleaning tables and emptying ashtrays and as she approached our table I took my opportunity. Using my quarter full pint of lager as a starter I emptied our ashtray into it and then squeezed out the beer and dirt sodden rag the barmaid had been cleaning the tables with to top it up. I then challenged the "Big Hard" Para to drink with me. I drank the first half of the pint and on offering the remainder to him he suddenly had the urge to visit the toilet.

I patiently waited until he had returned and after noting his somewhat palid complexion commented that if he didn't want his half of the pint then I'd take it - and quaffed it down (had to chew the fag buts a bit). Our Para ran from the Pub with what what I assume were bits of his stomach lining exiting his mouth.

Needless to say neither my mates nor the lads who the gobby Para had come in with think that REME are wimps. In fact, they seem to feel that the Paras ain't all they like to boast they are.
Feck me your nails you are............can I have your autograph.
 

sarnian

War Hero
From what I've heard, Paras dont tend to be that grot-shy. Still, stylish way to expose a walt.
 

joobs

Old-Salt
sarnian said:
From what I've heard, Paras dont tend to be that grot-shy. Still, stylish way to expose a walt.
To be honest from what others told me later I don't think he had been in that long, he may well just have finished his basic training at the time. Over the years I've met loads of guys from other Regts/Corps (incl other Paras) whilst on leave and almost without fail had no problem with them - yeah a bit of slagging each other off, but not in a nasty way like that tit tried. Who knows maybe the guy didn't like us REME because he'd fcuked up some kit and been NM&D'd.
 
on my class 1 course we did 'pass the pickled egg', which wasn't too bad as i was sat between two girlies (ok one did look exactly like resusi anne) when the contents of an ash tray went into the mixture, i had to retire to a safe distance and drink lots more beer.
 

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