One of those email list things ...

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by General_Layabout, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    Probably VERY ancient, but WTF ...

    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. What's a mixed feeling?

    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q What's the height of conceit?

    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q. What's the definition of macho?

    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

    A. Because it's worth it!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. What is a Yankee?

    A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

    A. They both like a tight seal.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

    A. Their balls are just for decoration.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

    A. About three inches.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

    A. The grip.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

    A. It's not hard.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

    A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

    A: 45 pounds.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

    A: 45 minutes.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    A: Breasts don't have eyes.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

    A. The swallow.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

    A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

    A .. They don't have balls to scratch!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
  2. You were right, they are old, very old. :D :)