One of those days again

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by scrofula, Jan 11, 2009.

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  1. It's about -10 outside, sky's grey. What to do? I don't feel like building a snowman. The local shop has just provided me with 10 tinnies, shoit all but repeats on the telly, too damned cold to go down the centre and raise Hell, girlie I am after is busy today, it's implosion. Any suggestions?
  2. have a really slow w@nk - that should waste 5 mins
  3. Done that already. Lasted nearer 25 minutes, though, and now I've got a tic in my right eye.
  4. Wipe the spunk out of your eye and have another wank, then.

    Or sit back and relax with a few of those fabled DVDs which don't show shagging.
  5. Hang on Carrots, which ones do you mean? I can w@nk over almost everything, still doesn't dispell the wintertime blues!
  6. Ps, I've just let the iguana out for a roam. This starts with some form of amusement ( for me, not lizard!) as I chase it around yelling "Deep-fry, deep-fry!". The tables are usually turned after about 8 pints and I realsie I need to catch it before lights out or it will crap all over my clothes and computer during the night. Ah, the fun of Central Europe never stops!!!!
  7. The biggest fun I've had today is learning that the iguana eats crisps. Given a little time, I'll have it on lager as well. When it gets truly big, it'll probably invite me down the local!
  8. I few year ago I went to Jesmond Dene with my other half at the time and I fed the peacock there spicy doritos crisps.....greedy swine eat entire packet, was going great till it starting making a choking like noise and bobbing it's head quite fast....I took that as my hint to move!!
  9. If your near the autobahn why not take a 'spin' there, that should keep any man happy 8)
  10. Suggest creating your own porn - arm yourself with pencil and paper and start writing, with suitbale intervals for liquid refreshment - you get the fun of writing it and then you can test drive it (one handed reading only mode) to see if it works properly - should take a good couple of hours - and when thats done you can start over again with a different story so hours of endless fun.
    And don't forget to share the results with the rest of us.
  11. The best one today! The doorbell just went dingy dong. Who the feck could that be? I thought as I went to answer. The Czech Jehovahs Witnesses. One could speak English. I think she was visibly scared by my answer of " No thanks, I'm a professional Satanist." Wild hair and a can in the hand, I didn't even need to slam the door!
  12. Fcuk it. if they're still in the block, I'm going to ask for absolution, then get some Arial from the bog and ask them if they've ever tried Crack.
  13. Hmmm, the porn one.....

    Melissa was a hockey player and she was concerned that her skirt didnt show her best attributes. Tossing and turning in bed at night, she couldn't quite decide whether the Spice Girls or Amy Winesomething should be her idol. She met a Guardsman and then..... please continue....
  14. :D :D :D

    Now that is just simply brilliant. What you're doing asking us for advice when you're capable of thinking this sort of stuff up for yourself, I don't know...
  15. Carrots, few people have heroes. Mine is Joey Deacon. I aspire. ( I can evn do courses in Prague if anyone is interested)