One of those days again

#1
It's about -10 outside, sky's grey. What to do? I don't feel like building a snowman. The local shop has just provided me with 10 tinnies, shoit all but repeats on the telly, too damned cold to go down the centre and raise Hell, girlie I am after is busy today, it's implosion. Any suggestions?
 
#4
Wipe the spunk out of your eye and have another wank, then.

Or sit back and relax with a few of those fabled DVDs which don't show shagging.
 
#6
Ps, I've just let the iguana out for a roam. This starts with some form of amusement ( for me, not lizard!) as I chase it around yelling "Deep-fry, deep-fry!". The tables are usually turned after about 8 pints and I realsie I need to catch it before lights out or it will crap all over my clothes and computer during the night. Ah, the fun of Central Europe never stops!!!!
 
#7
The biggest fun I've had today is learning that the iguana eats crisps. Given a little time, I'll have it on lager as well. When it gets truly big, it'll probably invite me down the local!
 
#8
I few year ago I went to Jesmond Dene with my other half at the time and I fed the peacock there spicy doritos crisps.....greedy swine eat entire packet, was going great till it starting making a choking like noise and bobbing it's head quite fast....I took that as my hint to move!!
 
#9
If your near the autobahn why not take a 'spin' there, that should keep any man happy 8)
 
#10
Suggest creating your own porn - arm yourself with pencil and paper and start writing, with suitbale intervals for liquid refreshment - you get the fun of writing it and then you can test drive it (one handed reading only mode) to see if it works properly - should take a good couple of hours - and when thats done you can start over again with a different story so hours of endless fun.
And don't forget to share the results with the rest of us.
 
#11
The best one today! The doorbell just went dingy dong. Who the feck could that be? I thought as I went to answer. The Czech Jehovahs Witnesses. One could speak English. I think she was visibly scared by my answer of " No thanks, I'm a professional Satanist." Wild hair and a can in the hand, I didn't even need to slam the door!
 
#12
Fcuk it. if they're still in the block, I'm going to ask for absolution, then get some Arial from the bog and ask them if they've ever tried Crack.
 
#13
Hmmm, the porn one.....

Melissa was a hockey player and she was concerned that her skirt didnt show her best attributes. Tossing and turning in bed at night, she couldn't quite decide whether the Spice Girls or Amy Winesomething should be her idol. She met a Guardsman and then..... please continue....
 
#14
scrofula said:
Fcuk it. if they're still in the block, I'm going to ask for absolution, then get some Arial from the bog and ask them if they've ever tried Crack.
:D :D :D

Now that is just simply brilliant. What you're doing asking us for advice when you're capable of thinking this sort of stuff up for yourself, I don't know...
 
#16
Never mind all of this sh1t scrof - have you got any heating on yet after those Russian barstewards cut us all off. I had to buy an an electric fire - gas now back on but the boilers has gone t1ts up. Feck it I am already well into the Bowmore 15 year old and if I play with myself much more it'll drop off!
 
#18
Scrotula, what's your beef with the jeHOvah's witnesses? What you may not understand is we need to encourage these arseholes because the more brain-dead weak-minded people who sign up with that lot or similar god-bothering jesus-freaks, the less will be left over to join the dark side and bang their heads on the floor.

Next time they cum by, invite them in... offer them an ale and ask them a few questions like why didn't god see it all coming. Disprove the existence of god and convert them to your religion of beer and wanking.

By the way, Satanists do not actually believe in Satan.
 
#19
rustygun said:
Scrotula, what's your beef with the jeHOvah's witnesses? What you may not understand is we need to encourage these arseholes because the more brain-dead weak-minded people who sign up with that lot or similar god-bothering jesus-freaks, the less will be left over to join the dark side and bang their heads on the floor.

Next time they cum by, invite them in... offer them an ale and ask them a few questions like why didn't god see it all coming. Disprove the existence of god and convert them to your religion of beer and wanking.

By the way, Satanists do not actually believe in Satan.
Must be C of E Satanists then :twisted:
 
#20
I do my best not to frighten others. If they could see me now, the iguana has just decided to clamber on my head, if I could have taken that to the door, Hi I do Kaballlah and black magic, I can also reload when I'm pissed, what, honestly, is the evangelical answer to that, with a lizard on your head?
 
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