One liners

I have been thinking back about the things they said and the things we've said and things that used to appear on CRs - thought i might start a list. Please add.

"This man will go far - if transport is arranged"

"This man will go through life pushing on pull doors"

"I was in uniform when you were in liquid form!"
Good Idea mate, these are not stricktly CR material but come in handy when crows start gobbing off in the garages.

"I was in Bagdad when you were in your dads bag"

"I Was changing arms while you were growing arms"

"I was on gate while you were on cow and gate"
I heard a cracker today - "his pin is a bit too highly greased" (referring to an NCO who is a bit volatile and has a penchant for old-style gripping of sprogs by the neck).

The OC decided not to use that quote for the lad's CR, but it was highly illustrative all the same!!


Employee Performance Reports

The follow are actual excerpts taken from "employee performance reports" of the British Royal Navy and Marine officers.

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."

"I would not allow this officer to breed."

"This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't- be."

"He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction"

"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar"

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This officer should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better."

"He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age"

"This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
Hey what a brilliant and totally original collection of quotes. What's needed is for someone to take all those one-liners and put them into a piss-poor powerpoint presentation with loads of "shit-clipart" (tm) and crap sound effects.

Next, he can deliver it to a bunch of SNCOs, while laughing to himself at just how witty it all is, while they snigger in bemusement at such a David Brent moment.

Sound familar anyone? :wink:

I Suppose there not as bad as PTI one liners, all the old classics that must get taught on there cse.

1. My Tea's a salad
2. Work for me and Ill work for you
3. Dont kick the volleyball
4. No chitty no pity
5. No Pain no Gain
6. etc etc etc

The same as the Trg Wing dittos :D
I have just had a spooky flash back. Are we talking of the kind of man who would announce he is renowned for giving shit confidentials and smiling at the careers he has ruined (including his own).
I personaly think the typewriter effect was a gem of a moment.
Ha...BOTN indeed. He shoots he scores. :D
I heard a classic from an Infantry Sgt to one of the young lads in his section. They were comming back from the ranges at Bally K, soaking wet, freezing cold, we were told that the bus would be an hour late. The young sprog starts moaning like a bitch (which he had been doing for most of the day).
Q the Sgt " Jones, if you dont stop f#@*ing moaning im gonna punch your f#@*ing lights out, and when your out cold on the deck im gonna kick your f#@*ing head off your f#@*ing shoulders, now shut the f#@k up.

Quality, what happened to that sort of honesty in the signals?

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