one liners around the workplace

#1
hi currently looking for one liner's to use around the workplace.
can anyone help me in this matter.
your help is much appreciated.
 
#4
Perhaps you should use your wit instead of memorising one-liners?
 
#5
Depends where you work,

If you are working in a restaruant, telling gossips to fetch a saucer of milk might not work.
Equally if you work in a home for the senile and demented telling someone to stick it up their arrse might be more work than its worth.

If all else fails just nod slowly at whatever they have said, and say "yeah" with your most unimpressed sigh.
 
#6
Does your mother like guessing games? She can start by guessing where I'll bury you, if you dont shut up....
 
#7
This confused me this post, I thought 'Fuck Off' covered everything so why the need for more?
 
#8
"Pardon"
...
"Pardon"
...
(hold your hand across your chest and to your opposite ear using the back of your hand to cup your ear)

wait for them to lean in to speak to you then tw@t them with a backhanded slap.
accompanied by, "I heard you the first time you Plick"

- Learnt that from a forklift driver at my last job........ He got fired
 
#9
Well... One time, just after the Twelfth, some disgruntled people tried to cut down a tree in the garden of the place I was working to block a road.

They must have gotten bored because they only got halfway through, the tree however was in a dangerous state and was quite likely to fall on someone.

In order for tree surgeons to safely fell it, we needed the road shut.

For which we required the rozzers.

They duly arrived and this plod came in and introduced himself "We're here about the tree" he said...

"Ah right" says I "You must be Special Branch then".

He didn't get it.

Now admittedly you'll need a dangerous tree in order to make use of it, but it's a work related one liner. :roll:
 
#10
RAID. I have a horrible suspicion that you are not above having a little plaque with "You don't hav to be mad to work here, but it helps" on your desk, and a taste for polyester "Simpsons" ties.
 
#13
bernoulli said:
RAID. I have a horrible suspicion that you are not above having a little plaque with "You don't hav to be mad to work here, but it helps" on your desk, and a taste for polyester "Simpsons" ties.
Don't forget the Desree quote on the wall.
 
#14
Pillager said:
"Pardon"
...
"Pardon"
...
(hold your hand across your chest and to your opposite ear using the back of your hand to cup your ear)

wait for them to lean in to speak to you then tw@t them with a backhanded slap.
accompanied by, "I heard you the first time you Plick"
Quality, never heard that one before but I like it.
 

TheIronDuke

On ROPS
On ROPs
Book Reviewer
#15
"Lets let the Llama look down the liftshaft" usually gets people steaming.
 
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