One for the Girls...

Discussion in 'Lonely Hearts' started by Officers_bird, Oct 4, 2005.

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  1. The World of Romance

    In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

    Make the woman happy.

    Do something she likes and you get points.

    Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

    You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

    Sorry, but that's the way the game is played..

    Here is a guide to the point system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES

    You make the bed (+1)

    You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

    You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)

    In the rain (+8)

    But return with Beer (-5)

    You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

    You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

    It's her pet (-10)


    SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

    You stay by her side the entire party (0)

    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college/work
    buddy(-2)

    Named Tina (-4)

    Tina is a dancer (-6)

    Tina has silicon implants (-80)


    HER BIRTHDAY:

    You take her out to dinner (0)

    You take her out to dinner and it's NOT a sports bar (+1)

    Okay, it IS a sports bar (-2)

    And it's 'all-you-can-eat' night(-3)

    It's a sports bar, it's 'all-you-can-eat night', and your face is
    painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

    A NIGHT OUT:

    You take her to a movie (+2)

    You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

    You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

    You take her to a movie you like (-2)

    It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


    YOUR PHYSIQUE:

    You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
    Hawaiian shirts (-30)

    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

    ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION:

    She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

    You hesitate in responding (-10)

    You reply, "Where?" (-35)

    Any other response (-20)


    COMMUNICATION:

    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
    looks like a concerned expression (0)

    You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)




    Now what chance do you have???
     
  2. this is why men ignore you :p
     
  3. :lol: i never said i agreed with it!
     
  4. I have a theory......
     

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  5. ......you missed off 'Get-Out-Of-My-Fcking-House' Dwarf
     
  6. its a pretty good theory, i'll give you that!
     
  7. None of those Dwarves are suitably armed with big fuff off sharp kitchen knives to be a true representation of PMT dwarves.......

    Beebs ;)
     
  8. LOL wouldn't we need to add a few more Dwarves then such as evil, crazy, and If you come any closer i'll....





    P.s. Anywhere near to pushing her out yet? x
     
  9. Damn....i presume that by your presence, I lost the sweepsteaks.....
     
  10. :( I'm tempted to post a picture just so you all know how miserable I am the little witch is still hiding....... She's HUGE!

    Beebs :(
     
  11. ahh chick, i feel for you, apart from the shagging which you posted earlier have you tried baths, walking, curry? all meant to help...

    cheer up it'll be worth... i think x ;)
     
  12. You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.

    Two hopes!! Bob Hope and no hope.

    Unless it's porn in which case we'd be both watching it and Id be listening to you talking proper dirty in my ear.
     
  13. You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.

    Two hopes!! Bob Hope and no hope.

    Unless it's porn in which case we'd be both watching it and Id be listening to you talking proper dirty in my ear.
     
  14. I said what's going on? I said what's going on? Im repeating myself.
     
  15. officers Bird. You know I could behave in as dispicable way as possible and you would still be grateful. Now go and do something constructive.