One for the boffins of Arrse!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bigbird67, Oct 22, 2011.

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  1. I have a question which has puzzled me for a long time! I've been pondering it for...oooh...a good 10 minutes now. You'se lot are meant to be dead clever and know important shit so I'll ask you.

    My neighbour, an ageing porridge wog, grows his own veg and has recently given myself and my housemate a huge pumpkin or two, so we've had pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie, curried pumpkin, bacon and pumpkin rissotto etc etc. Now, given that I'm a heifer and she has IBS, you can imagine we have made a fairly significant input to global warming of late. And by FUCK, they're rancid! Even the cat gave us a look of horrified disdain and left the room last night!

    But what I want to know is this...

    Why does the presence of water cause such a dramatic change in the smell of farts? Bathtime farts have a smell all of their own, but this morning I noticed that even letting rip in the shower smells different!

    Can one of you boffs explain to me what happens to a botty-guff as it passes through water to cause this? Muchly grassy-arse
    • Like Like x 1
  2. It's the hydrogen sulfide in your fart reacting with the chlorine in the water.
  3. There is even a website on the subject. (well there would be wouldnt there..)

    Facts on Farts

    This is my favourite.

    • Like Like x 2
  4. farts no shit, simple really.
  5. You have explained one thing though BB, theres been an increase of Tsunami warnings since you started eating the pumpkins.
  6. Great bit of research Arte et Marte. This is what I miss, the squaddie sense of humour.

  7. WTF!

    Does that mean that by breaching her own emission control policy, Big Bird now farts hydrochloric acid?

    Dear god! This isn't a thread. It's the script for the next film in the Alien franchise.

    Do you think Sigourney Weaver will pork up to play Big Bird?
    • Like Like x 1
  8. They need a chance to pile the pounds on to get up to BBs standard so someone like Dawn French has the initial foundations.
  9. Yes we used to have Fart Lighting contests in our mess, especially if we had curry the night before with lots of Castle! It was interesting to see the size & colour of the different flames, the good thing was, once ignited the smell dissapeared!

    As My grandad used to say:-
    "I likes to Fart, it gives the belly ease, warms the bed on frosty nights and suffocates the fleas"
    • Like Like x 1
  10. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    As I have just necked a Leg of Lamb five bean Casoulet. I'm expecting a similar problem in the near future, but I foolishly let the dogs do the washing up so it looks like a day out tomorrow or complaints from the neighbours about the stench, or a visit from theWMD inspectorate
  11. Heat and humidity have their part to play in the fart fragrance, also your nasal passage will dilate with steam.
  12. I havent really got a clue other than to say that my bathtime farts smell of urine as I piss in the bath. Lovely warm sensation. However I did emit a rancid silent little number earlier when exiting my car (my wife and my daughter were still inside) and I shut the door and went to a cashpoint. Upon opening the door to get back into the car my nostrils were assaulted by afore-mentioned odour I had emitted just a minute earlier. The draft caused by the door opening pushed some of the fart around in the car causing 'er indoors to pass comment that the drains stank. I held my head high.
  13. I just like the way the water in the bath bubbles.
  14. Farting in the bath is the flatulence equivilent of smoking a hookah pipe. With a bit of trial and error, utilising various bathtime product - some truly awsome flavours can be gotten!

    My favourite was the Vosene infused urine filtered Sunday night bath before school in morning fart.

    Happy days!
  15. if you have a glass jar full of water in the bath with you, it would be possible to catch the bubbles as they are produced. then you could screw the
    lid on and have your own bottled gas. I saw a guy collecting marsh gas to test some theory or other on the will o the wisp phenomenon.

    the gas is meant to be explosive though !! as well as rank.. so handle with care.

    I take no responsibility for the use, or misuse of this knowledge.