One for the ARRSE maidens...........


Female Version...........
>At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
>By the ugly wa*nker that was lying by my side.
>I would've drunk a little less, I would've
>Tried to keep my head,
>If I'd know for just one second I'd be in
>Your crusty bed...
>I tried to go, walk out the door.
>But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
>I've fallen on the floor.
>Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out
>But I'd rather look at that, than at your
>Fucken ugly face...!
>I want to go, I've got to leave.
>Your talk of chicks and football really makes
>Me want to heave.
>I only know I've got to stop my drinking
>Spirits and the beer
>Coz when I looked at you last night, you
>Looked just like Richard Gere !
>I can't believe, that we both shagged.
>You should be wearing concrete shoes or
>Simply bound and gagged.
>I'm fuckeng off right now, I'm jumping on the
>Flippin' train
>And I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed
>Your greebies down the drain.
>Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
>We had the worst se*x in the world and you're
>An ugly prick
>I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at
>least he's got a lovely flat >
>But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
>Stuck with you, you twat.
>It's time to go, run out the door.
>You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
>I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going
>To have no stupid fun
>Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me
>Want to be a nun !
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
13:00 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg.
15:00 Nap
16:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer.
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
20:00 Hot shower (alone)
20:50 Carried to bed.....(freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen)
21:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
21:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

tcha right :twisted: :lol:
Sorry Whistleblower - I thought you were a woman.

And I have never met a fcukin para commando pilot! For a start theres no such thing! For fucks sake - what is this?? 8O
Geez.... what happened there??

There was supposed to be 14 post under this topic, then suddenly.... only 2 ??

The mods are at it again!!! :evil:
yep, and my pm wont work to send a msg to whistleblower - so how the feck can i find out who the weirdo is..

Censorship gone a tad too far this time
Found It!!!

Funnily enough, it was posted under "Utter Drivel" which it was.

Moodybitch, don't bother with that numpty! Para Commando Nobber would describe him better methinks! :lol:
Many thanks for looking after us CC!

No, honestly!! You were was drivel!!
Moodybitch said:
I wouldn't mind....but if I pulled in Cheeks then why did no-one tell me about it!

Especially a PARA COMMANDO PILOT - feckin lucky me! :lol: :wink:
Maybe you never noticed!! 8O
Not noticed a para commando pilot! But surely he would have helicoptered in, parachuted down into cheeks and then i would have found out he 'went commando' later - not something a gal would forget!
Yes, but with his training he could have got in and out without you even knowing!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: 8O
Moodybitch said:
Not noticed a para commando pilot! But surely he would have helicoptered in, parachuted down into cheeks and then i would have found out he 'went commando' later - not something a gal would forget!
Moody you just described the "Milk Tray Man" without the chocs :lol:
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