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One for sorrow, two for joy

Now as it happens, whilst not some RSPB bird ogler, I am particularly delighted by small birds of the garden/hedgerow variety. Finches, tits and above them all the mighty (well you understand my drift) robin redbreast - all are welcome chez Cuddles. not only do I enjoy their antics, make nesting facilities available to them and feed them if the conditions become inclement. The RSPB book of British Birds sits in the kitchen by the picture window in case something uncommon appears...all good.

Yesterday however things took an unpleasant turn. TFB and I had just been admiring a lovely buzzard sat on the dry-stone wall. He was stoically waiting for some deep frozen roadkill to thaw and fluffing his feathers appropriately. We moved into the kitchen and aas I gazed out of the window I saw my favourite robin being beasted away from the bacon rinds and seeds i had put out for him by two magpies.

I immediately reached me down my trusty BSA - breaking the gun slip zip in the process ****-****-**** - and loaded up a pellet. The top of the stable door at the back of the house was cracked already for TFB's smoke-break. Stealthily i popped the BSa round and saw magpie 1 chowing down on the feed. "BLUMPH!" Scratch one magpie. I looked for number two, expecting of course she would have scarpered. However she was still there batting her wings at some small birds.

The kids in the house over the way had been revving their Moto-X bikes and I think that had disoriented or distracted her. Reloading, i watched her alight on the apex of next door's house. Thankfully they are away and so I exercised my right to get away with something if unobserved and dropped her too. The dog was off, over the end-wall and back with the corpse in seconds. He may not have been out yet all season but he is a pro!

Well I say a pro - gifted amateur...he sat forlornly by the bins all night wandering why I hadn't shared the excitement of the dead 'uns with him for longer...

I ******* hate magpies, the thieving pikey bastards of the avian world. As I type the blue-tits are having a belated second breakfast. BSA Lightning and Cuddles - making the world safe for little birds.


Book Reviewer
Come and sort the Magpies in my garden. Oh, and the evil bastard crows that attack everything they see - including my Guinea Pigs.
With you on this one Cuddles.

I hates them too. Dropped one the other day but unlike you it's mate took to it's wings. But it's time will come.

Happy to slot their black cousins too but what makes my day is when you get maggies and tree rats on the same day. Very satisfying.

If you are local to me Legs, it would be a pleasure to off your vermin. The death of magpies and squirrels is the icing on the cake of day for me...I still get a warm glow from the memory of dropping the bastard tree rat as it was coming out of my bird box, yolk still dripping from its jaws...and then killing it's family at the "squirrel funeral".
Towards the end of my twenty-eight years “internal exile”, up in Scotland, I had - like yourself - done everything to encourage the little birds. Although not frequent visitors amongst the Robin, coal/blue/great tits, chaffinches and greenfinches, we did occasionally see bullfinch and once a . . . (can‘t find name - pink breast/size of a thrush?).

Similarly, we were harassed by crows and rooks. The trees along a nearby road, served as their “rookery”. I too got fed-up with them harassing of the little birds, and stealing all the peanuts - which I used to buy in the “industrial” quantities of 20kg sacks!

I put a paper target on the bird-table, and from the bedroom window “zero-ed in” my son’s air rifle. (Took account of windage, climatic conditions, elevation, etc. :) ).

The next time the little birds were forced out, by the big black buggers, I eased open the bedroom window, and hit one with a headshot. Sad, but I did take some satisfaction that it was a bloody good shot, and therefore would have been quick for the crow.

The sky went black! I wouldn’t like to guess how many, but I repeat - the sky went black. Mother crow, father crow, brother, sister, cousins and all the neighbour crows, cawing and circling above.

They were probably protesting at me hanging the corpse from a branch of the tree adjacent to the little birds’ bird-table. However, the corpse served its purpose. The little birds were not “phased” and safely returned in quantity; and, after their initial indignant protestations, we did not have another visit from the crows or rooks.

I did have one of my neighbours complain about a dead bird hanging in a tree, but he didn’t understand, and didn’t want to understand, the reasoning!


They are really uncommon round these parts. If any are spotted then everyone knows to call my mate John. He's the one with the Larsen Trap plus a paranoia about the things on a par with cuddles.
:evil: It's just part of nature's cycle and poor old Magpies' have got as much right to be Magpies as yer cheekie Cockernee sparrer has to be a sparrow.

I've long been fond of Magpies as they have the most Archaeopteryx looking tail of any Brit bird + they're intelligent and survivors (except those two you and your BSA took care of).

Honestly, if we can't think of better ways to deal with Nature's predators than to kill them, I think we should drop the term 'sapiens' as our species name.

Magpies and Martens, Crows and Fox,
The Homos who shoot them are a bunch of cox :razz:

(Yep, I'm the kind of person you can hear cheering on the wolves as they descend upon the herd)
Thank you for your input. I have considered your opinion and concluded that like *********, we all have one but would not necessarily wish to share it with everyone. I have therefore decided to ignore your cogent, well orchestrated and pithy argument and will be open for magpie shooting tomorrow, once my Sabbath day observations concludeth.

I shall obviously drop the "sapiens" from my species title and henceforth I and my descendents shall be known as Homo cuddlescoxus.
Oh and while i do not dispute the magpie's right to be pica pica, I merely deny it the right to **** about with the artificial habitat i am building chez moi. The choice is the magpies' - if they think they are hard enough then they can come round anytime...otherwise steer clear. Squirrels likewise.
Oh and while i do not dispute the magpie's right to be pica pica, I merely deny it the right to **** about with the artificial habitat i am building chez moi. The choice is the magpies' - if they think they are hard enough then they can come round anytime...otherwise steer clear. Squirrels likewise.
Just so long as you're aware that all that silver the Magpies have been squirrelling away has been converted to hard cash and that hard cash exchanged for one of these

And I'm looking at the contract right now ... :twisted:

As I know you're good Catholic, I shall stamp each round with a portrait of St Francis and get Ian Paisley to bless the rifle.


I have a Larrsen trap and it gets used a lot in spring! Its currently hiding under bushes on the shoot! Oddly enough I dont trap the shoot, the magpies and Jays there get hammered enough by the guns and anyone walking round topping feeders. Now Badgers I wouldnt mind seeing reduced but as we dont have cattle that wont happen!
I tend to concentrate on Magpies and crows in the domestic garden, that and the urban fox trapping gives me pleasure!
Mate and myself had 13 using a crow on a flapper and our 12g's. Nothing better than seeing them attract more to be shot once down. I hate them and would kill more but the misses has a 'no kill' rule on the back garden.
Excognito - if you shoot like you debate, then perhaps the magpies would be as well pulling the trigger themselves?? :biggrin:
That's true. For being on the right side of The Big Debate, I feel you deserve you a sporting chance and the Maggies deserve their fun.

.... Hmm.

Perhaps it would be more fitting to arrange your demise via Magpie itself - a Mega Ampere Generated Plasma Implosion Experiment would be cool :twisted:

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