On-duty misdemeanors.......

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Surrey_Trog, Oct 23, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Whilst on duty one morning at an MRS I boffed the civvy nurse in the RMO's consulting room and boldly did the deed on his examination couch. Methinks the risk of getting caught made it even better.

    The nurse in question I still fondly remember :wink:

  2. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    I once spent a BONCO duty circa 80s in Paris Rue Saint-Denis, twas fun :lol:
  3. I was on Ord Sgt once and heard a commotion in one of the rooms whilst patrolling the block.
    Anyway I go in and the guys are taking it turns to chuck one up some scutter they have brought back from down town.

    Anyway I thought fuck it, why not...............................................................................................................................Oh you've heard it? No its true, honest it really happened.
  4. Is this the one when you then realised it was your daughter? Yes heard it... :D
  5. Plodding around 16 tank at Fally with pick axe handle ready to fend off hordes of IRA terroristas, Picket #1 came across a 10 tonner valiantly guarding the access to another compound.

    Upon finding a 5 gallon oil drum he craftily wrote "BOMB" on it and stuck it under the knocker (10 tonner) (which being 50 years old deserved a direct hit from an artillery shell anyway).

    Anywhooo...Along comes picket #2, and before #1 could stop snickering he fcuks off and reports the "BOMB" to the guardhouse.

    Next thing he sees is a full guard turnout, Kraut fire engines, and a general alarm for a mass troop muster.

    SSM puts in a hero appearance and looking directly at me (err I mean him) yells "CAM EAR YOU SHITWAD" Shitting his kex #1 doubled over to him "Go direct the fire engines" he sez. Phew...

    Let me tell you - he crapped his pants for days expecting to be called up before the man. Turns out they suspected the twots from next door.

    Not really a misdemeanor but deserves an honourable mention anyway.
  6. While skiving in the block during "roving" patrol on my stag, I set a guy on fire. My O.C. couldn't figure out how something like this could happen by "accident". He referred me to the C.O. who put me away for a fortnight. The guy I set on fire was the only one who had a sense of humour about the incident. Didn't even fall out with me. Quite decent of him I thought.
  7. Kabul, Camp Whore... Ehh Wharehouse.

    While stagging on with a mate in one of those big towers, he notices a nurse from some foreign army passing by. So he climbs down has a chat and proceeds to take her from behind below the tower.

    I'm standing there with a hard on so stiff it hurts. :x

    A few days later, she comes back, so my buddy goes down and does the deed. However, she brought a friend with her (YES! a female one and pretty to) and when that one climbed up and went down on her knees. Well, afterwards I was very gratefull and returned the favour by diving in headfirst! :p

    After that one I saw the British army in a very different light. A floodlight! :)
  8. I was Guard Commander in Colchester on Christmas Eve and crashed the guys out so they could sing Christmas carols. Very nice. Phoned the RMP duty room afterwards to wish them all a Merry Christmas. Not well received. Some people have no sense of humour.
  9. Stagging on at Deepcut in '93, roving patrol, so as we were so much more mature, (we had completed trade training and were waiting for posting), we thought it would be a laugh to sneak up on the back gate and scare the crap out of them. When the piccie came out it showed one of them running for cover and the other cocking his gat. Didn't seem so funny then.