On Divorce...

I have been looking through the Forums to see if there was something similar to my question - alas there was none so does anyone out there have any thoughts or advice please based around the following facts:

I am a serving WO2, will serve 22 years, married 13 years (all in the Army) awaiting divorce. If i calculate her portion of the CETV to be 13/22 x 50% is that a fair split that a judge would make? ie could he award a larger portion, say 60%? Our other capital assets i am aware are likely to be split 60/40 her way (or 65/35) as she has custody of our two children.

I appreciate that it's the case for my lawyer :evil: to discuss but if anyone has had recent experience of this I would be grateful for your input.

Get yourself a good lawyer, and be prepared to****ed over big time anyway.

Be prepared to realise that absolutely anything you have now, or might have in the future is fair game for her to demand and the courts to give her.

There is nothing about fairness in divorce, all 50% your pension could be taken by her if you are unlucky. If you are married for 1 day, she is entitled to try and claim 50% of everything. This might sound alarmist, but just think of all he other poor blighters who have been****ed over by our wonderful legal system.


Of course they will not tell it like that, but that is what is likely to happen.

Bet you never guessed that I am divorced, and I still hate the bitch after nearly 13 years.
Couldn't agree more with Inf/mp every word is true. BTW did he forget to say that the legal theives (lawyers) will also sting you for every penny your ex doesn't get, while telling you that you have a good case. From my experience settle out of court and keep the lawyers out of it or use them as little as possible. Dont' forget they are running a business not a marriage guidance office. You will be screwed for every letter/ phone call/ time thinking about your case. I was even charged £1000 for a court appearance which was cancelled because the judge was required elsewhere at the last minute !!


The worst part is still to come... See the attached letter this is the reality for most fathers who do not get a fair deal on residence orders. BTW there are more interesting articles on the f4j website.

Dear Son,
In your message to me, you said I'm not the DAD you used to know.
Your right, I won't deny that, the DAD you used to know is gone. That DAD was created by God, taught by his parents, recognized by his government, respected by his community. He was expected to make the right choices for you and took pride in his efforts. He used to kiss you good-bye as he left for work and you were still sleeping. That DAD could absorb a bad day at work, just from one of your hugs. That DAD gained his desire to succeed from glancing at you, as you slept. That DAD slept better after he got a kiss goodnight from you. That DAD knew the aches and pains were worth it, for he knew he was meant to be a DAD. That DAD knew what you were doing every minute of the day and was proud of everything you accomplished and was proud even when you failed. He was always there when you needed him, even when you didn't. Teachers, coaches, doctors and neighbours would seek him out to tell of your progress, setbacks, accomplishments or just to talk about parent things. That DAD was there for you, because we were together. That DAD had the freedom to pack UP you and your brother and go fishing, camping, swimming, whenever we felt like it. That DAD didn't have to wonder, he knew. He could help you with your homework, any night, and it showed in your success.
That DAD is no more.
Yes, I'm still your Father, but no longer your DAD. Now I'm just a cheque, a visitor, a Non-Custodial dad. Created by the state law, separated by court orders, not free to make choices for your childhood. No longer contacted by those who teach you, who fix your wounds or view your accomplishments. Until you told me, I didn't even know you had surgery. This NC dad no longer has his source of strength, no longer can comfort in your presence, for you are not here. This NCdad cannot chose how to support you, cannot make the decisions of what you may need and cannot even make suggestions. Your goodnight kisses were worth a million dollars [and still are] and the loss of those are equally devastating. This NCdad can't steal precious moments with you, cannot share quick insights with you and cannot give you the answers you seek every day.
Inside I'm still the same, but like a chameleon who changes his colour when faced with danger, I too had to adapt. We all have to adapt to our environment. The DAD you used to know could not survive the changes forced upon him, he had to change to survive. He's gone. But, your Father still, and always, loves you, and will always take pride in your successes and try to be there for you when you stumble. I do the best I can, but even my best cannot revive the DAD you used to know, for I didn't bury him.
Love, Dad
Thanks for comments altho i knew that was the 'trend' ie screwed. (was secretly hoping for some good news!!). Was after some facts and percentages really (ie examples from other depressed Arrse-ites) so i can at least formulate a plan to buy her out so of the pension at least. Any other comments/thoughts/offers of a hit man (joke) welcome.
Check this out with the RAO or preferably a financial expert.

When you give your Pension figure don't include any commutation. You can't be made to commute. After you have agreed a figure and have divorced or got a court order then commute at least that will be all yours. However as I said get some professional advice as to whether this is best.
I had endowment policies that were not in ex's name which she / her lawyer wanted and the court decided that she should have half of their surrender value. So if you have anything like that surrender them now.
If you can, stay on good terms, a lawyer on each side burns up your money at an alarming rate.
Make a fair offer outside of the courts even if it is heavilly in her favour and convince her that the final pot of money to share will be much bigger if you work it out between you.

However if she already has a lawyer you are probably stitched.
at_ease said:
Check this out with the RAO or preferably a financial expert.

When you give your Pension figure don't include any commutation. You can't be made to commute.
That isn't actually true as the Court can order someone to commute to raise the maximum sum possible. This includes instructing anyone with an entitlement to Life Commutation to apply, although whether it is accepted is down to the normal rules of the AFPS.

Divorce is a complex business and you really should consult someone who is qualified to advise you.
Most decent solicitors offer a free consultation, usually half an hour or so. I found mine really helpfull, they did advise to try and sort it out ammicably and I even had good news, she didnt have as much claim to my wealth/debt as she thought she had.

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