OMYGOD - must-have Crab bikinis

My jaw dropped when I read of this monument to ostentatious bad taste*:

RAF Bikini sales expected to lift off
The Royal Air Force is celebrating its 90th anniversary on April 1 with the launch of a diamante-encrusted bikini. The swimwear, which leaves little room for hanging medals, is part of the RAF Collection’s Spring range. Some of the cash raised will support the RAF free museums, helping to preserve the organisation’s history. In RAF colours, the top is priced at £20 and the bottoms at £15 on the website. The site describes it as a “show stopping bikini which is tasteful and flattering to the figure”. The RAF branched out by launching a fashion range a year ago.

What fashion item should the Army put on the shelves of your local high street stores, to compete with this, and which historical dates should it/they commemorate?[hr]Stonkernote" I'd like to see a photo posted online of the first confirmed sighting (or even a photoshopped one, for that matter) of one of these bikinis - especially if it is adorning the salad-dodging, stretchmarked figure of some Crab JNCOs go-ugly-early missus/girlfriend :twisted:
The Army version would have a lot of pouches ...

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