Olympics

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by phil245, Aug 1, 2012.

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  1. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    Olympic Update ....the Romanians have taken Gold,Silver,Bronze,Copper,Steel,Brass and Lead from the Olympic Stadium in London !!
     
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  2. The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised to officials on behalf of their team after realising that shooting and sailing were two f*****g separate events.....!!
     
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  3. I see the Chinese swimmer is hoping to break the world record today, Chee Ting Twat says she is "optimistic"
     
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  4. Chinese swimmers seem to have improved their standards since Morecambe Bay 2004
     
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  5. Running Nude:

    A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
    Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

    'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

    'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

    So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

    Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

    Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

    'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

    Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

    'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

    Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
    'Nope, just when it's raining.

     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived... I think I'll wear
    Gold tonight."

    Wife says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change?"



    [​IMG]


     
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  7. In the Sailing Britain have taken Gold, the Danes took Silver and the Somalians have taken a middle aged couple from Weymouth
     
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  8. It is reported that the team from Yorkshire are not doing too well in the medal stakes. But they still have their star player Peter Sutcliffe with the hammer
     
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  9. I hope the Brazilian hurdlers realise the last Brazilian to leap over a barrier in London. ended up getting shot 9 times.
     
  10. I spent all day yesterday watching the heptathlon
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    .
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    Unfortunately, I now have a bad case of Ennis Elbow.
     
  11. The Queen and Phil the Greek and the rest of the royal family are all sitting down for a post Olympic banquet when she notices that all the places are set with plastic knives and forks. She calls for the head of the household and demands an explanation. He replies " The Australians have taken all the silver.
     
  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    This bint was complaining to her best friend that the last time she'd had sex it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final.

    "I know just what you mean," sighed the pal, "Over in 9.5 seconds."

    "No," she replied, "Eight black men and a pistol."
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2014