Olympics Closing Ceremony

Auld-Yin

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#1
Having seen the Opening ceremony and the comments on same here: what do you think should be in the Closing Ceremony which shows how good and great Britain is?

Closing speech by Shami Chakrabati (sp?) supported by that Lawrence bint or a good old knees up East End stylee?

I am sure that ARRSE can come up with some great suggestions for showing the world how good we is.
 
#3
Seeing as its the Naafi:

Have all the female beach volleyball players doing a mass lap dance.

Have Iron maiden, The Prodigy & Rolling stones playing live sets

Lastly, put Coe in the stocks & catapult him to Paris..
 
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#7
I think going to say something about Doreen Lawrence but im so sick of seeing her i really cant be arsed
 
#8
I believe that Russell Brand, the epitome of London humour, was likely to feature. So Raul Moat at the top of Hill's boil blows his head off whilst Gazza rushes around in circles with a takeaway, fishing kit, and some cans.

Meanwhile, the house and car from the opening are torched, and prettied up rioters, rampage, and breakdance in a humourous yet violent manner through the now derelict factory chimneys. The texting couple are seen going from a Kyle style TV show to a council house, Kenneth Branagh dressed as a top hatted Blair gives them the keys whilst apologising for the potato famine, slavery, and WMDs.

The current coalition are portrayed as evil monsters from 'The Hunger Games' and rampage through a peaceful, clean, and strangely idyllic traveller's camp site, they snatch money and food from the unemployed amd their extensive families; a medley of eastern european tunes are played, with some Corrs songs. When they exit, stage left, the peaceful campsite is a mess of wrecked cars, filled nappies, and empty wallets and handbags, a smell of excrement and burning insulation fills the arena.

For audience participation, members of the IOC roam through the stadium giving out freebies, cash, and 'fact-finding' holidays, as they leave, another team in high-viz vests follow through, taking back the original 'gifts' plus any loose belongings and cash, all the while speaking in French and English.

The closing fireworks start at 22:34, and are shut down at 22:37.

HMQ stays at home and watches 'Mama Mia!' on DVD.

The next day all the papers declare it a triumph of British humour and understatment, they include praise from the many athletic asylum seekers from their various new houses. Mr Brand is singled out for the most amusing use of 'Fuck' , drug abuse and mental instability, since Stephen Fry's deconstructural delopement to Belgium.

The event was costed at £15 million, but came in under budget at £75 million.
 
#9
Just blow the 'candle' out,and piss of back to where you came from!

Take about 10 minutes,and save £millions,pre-record it,then show it on telly,save even more time,and money.

Yup,I thought most of the Opening Ceremony was shite too,Danny Boyle might be considered a good film director(by some),and from what transpired,if I were him,I wouldn't give up my day-job! :yawnstretch:
 
#10
gordon brown walks in to the packed stadium, turns off the flame and the lights, and shouts (no PA you see) "that's it, that's your lot, now fcuk off'.
 
#11
gordon brown walks in to the packed stadium, turns off the flame and the lights, and shouts (no PA you see) "that's it, that's your lot, now fcuk off'.
Accompanied by Jilted John singing their hit 'Gordon is a Moron'.
 
#12
On the morning, all the service bods go around blue tacking up H&S notices saying that because there's been no risk assessment submitted, the ceremony's off.

'Aven't you all got homes to go to?!?!?!?! Fuck off home then!!!!
 
#13
The lads 'encourage' the foreign audience out of the grounds in the traditional manner...

"FFFFIIIIIIIXXXXXXX BBBAAAAAAYYYYYYYYOOOOOOO-NETS.
 
#17
I'd like to see a fox hunting demonstation, a field gun competition, mass lap/pole dancing, the Purple Helmet motorcycle display team and finally I'd like to see Mr Methane blow out the flame as the Queen pulls his finger.
Who do you think is powering it in the first place. It'll go out when they stop feeding him the sprouts.
 
#18
I heard a nasty rumour it will have Cliff Richard on the bill. Don't forget there is the Paralympics to sort out yet. Plenty of scope for has been pop stars (Elton John, Ozzy Osbourne, Madness, Chas n Dave etc) to grab a couple of hundred thousand of publjc money.

What would I choose? A couple of hours of Def Leppard, Iron Maiden and Rick Astley would hit the spot nicely
 
#19
I heard a nasty rumour it will have Cliff Richard on the bill. Don't forget there is the Paralympics to sort out yet. Plenty of scope for has been pop stars (Elton John, Ozzy Osbourne, Madness, Chas n Dave etc) to grab a couple of hundred thousand of publjc money.

What would I choose? A couple of hours of Def Leppard, Iron Maiden and Rick Astley would hit the spot nicely
My bold, more fun if they were Rickrolled
 
#20
I'd like to see the stadium packed to capacity with adoring and happy sports fans, bidding adieu to a fantastic feat of British pomp and ceremony........







.......................seconds before dozens of hellfire missiles impacted.
 

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