Olympics Closing Ceremony

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Auld-Yin, Jul 29, 2012.

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  1. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Having seen the Opening ceremony and the comments on same here: what do you think should be in the Closing Ceremony which shows how good and great Britain is?

    Closing speech by Shami Chakrabati (sp?) supported by that Lawrence bint or a good old knees up East End stylee?

    I am sure that ARRSE can come up with some great suggestions for showing the world how good we is.
  2. Jesus...I saw this and thought I had flaked out for 2 weeks!
  3. Seeing as its the Naafi:

    Have all the female beach volleyball players doing a mass lap dance.

    Have Iron maiden, The Prodigy & Rolling stones playing live sets

    Lastly, put Coe in the stocks & catapult him to Paris..
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  4. As long as it doesn't include Paul McCartney I don't really care !
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  5. Could be worse...Gary Barlow ;-)
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  6. At least he sings the notes in the right order , unless he brings Biffa Tweedy along then it would be painful listening ;-)
  7. I think going to say something about Doreen Lawrence but im so sick of seeing her i really cant be arsed
  8. I believe that Russell Brand, the epitome of London humour, was likely to feature. So Raul Moat at the top of Hill's boil blows his head off whilst Gazza rushes around in circles with a takeaway, fishing kit, and some cans.

    Meanwhile, the house and car from the opening are torched, and prettied up rioters, rampage, and breakdance in a humourous yet violent manner through the now derelict factory chimneys. The texting couple are seen going from a Kyle style TV show to a council house, Kenneth Branagh dressed as a top hatted Blair gives them the keys whilst apologising for the potato famine, slavery, and WMDs.

    The current coalition are portrayed as evil monsters from 'The Hunger Games' and rampage through a peaceful, clean, and strangely idyllic traveller's camp site, they snatch money and food from the unemployed amd their extensive families; a medley of eastern european tunes are played, with some Corrs songs. When they exit, stage left, the peaceful campsite is a mess of wrecked cars, filled nappies, and empty wallets and handbags, a smell of excrement and burning insulation fills the arena.

    For audience participation, members of the IOC roam through the stadium giving out freebies, cash, and 'fact-finding' holidays, as they leave, another team in high-viz vests follow through, taking back the original 'gifts' plus any loose belongings and cash, all the while speaking in French and English.

    The closing fireworks start at 22:34, and are shut down at 22:37.

    HMQ stays at home and watches 'Mama Mia!' on DVD.

    The next day all the papers declare it a triumph of British humour and understatment, they include praise from the many athletic asylum seekers from their various new houses. Mr Brand is singled out for the most amusing use of 'Fuck' , drug abuse and mental instability, since Stephen Fry's deconstructural delopement to Belgium.

    The event was costed at £15 million, but came in under budget at £75 million.
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  9. Just blow the 'candle' out,and piss of back to where you came from!

    Take about 10 minutes,and save £millions,pre-record it,then show it on telly,save even more time,and money.

    Yup,I thought most of the Opening Ceremony was shite too,Danny Boyle might be considered a good film director(by some),and from what transpired,if I were him,I wouldn't give up my day-job! :yawnstretch:
  10. gordon brown walks in to the packed stadium, turns off the flame and the lights, and shouts (no PA you see) "that's it, that's your lot, now fcuk off'.
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  11. Accompanied by Jilted John singing their hit 'Gordon is a Moron'.
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  12. On the morning, all the service bods go around blue tacking up H&S notices saying that because there's been no risk assessment submitted, the ceremony's off.

    'Aven't you all got homes to go to?!?!?!?! Fuck off home then!!!!
  13. The lads 'encourage' the foreign audience out of the grounds in the traditional manner...

  14. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    Julie Walters doing a striptease accompanied by the Welsh Guards band.
  15. A parade of our medal winners............that should take all of 2 minutes!