Oldies at war

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Chinese_Racing_Snake, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Just got this in an e-mail from a (non-service) mate.

    Not just funny but may have some valid points IMHO

    Drafting Guys Over 50

    This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier...

    New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 50!

    I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

    For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

    Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns... We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

    These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

    HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
    Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
  2. Why don't you kill yourself rather than bothering us with such shite?
  3. Because some people on here might have a sense of humour.
    If you think its shite, don't read it. Simples
  4. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    One tends to loose their sense of humour about things things that have been posted dozens of times, this is so old I fell out my pram the first time I heard it, and that was well before I joined that illustrious body of over 50s The HSF
  5. Mong tigers! Snigger!
  6. Didn't know it had been posted lots of times. Nice to be told in a reasonable manner than be invited to top myself.
  7. I didn't think they were being unreasonable - they didn't invite you to die of a wasting disease or to kill your loved ones as well after all?
  8. Nobody's mentioned self-immolation, either/yet. Jarrod's hurt your feelings, hasn't he?
  9. Jarrod the "Snake harmer" never come across that particular accusation!
  10. True. No hideous methods were suggested. Fair point ......... more a love tap than a killer blow?!??!
  11. Yeah you did. You've just forgotten ...again.

    How many times do you think I will have to tell you this?