Old Songs that would never had been allowed today!

#21
An old favourite from one of my Unit RFC "Third Halves" (& highly apprpriate to this site):

MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
HAPPIER THAN YOU AND ME
MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
AND IT DETERMINED WHAT HE COULD SEE
MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
ONE CHROMOSOME TOO MANY
MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
AND IT DETERMINED WHAT HE COULD SEE
AND HE WORE A HAT
AND HE HAD A JOB
AND HE BROUGHT HOME THE BACON
SO THAT NO ONE KNEW
MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
HIS FRIENDS WERE UNAWARE
MONGOLOID HE WAS A MONGOLOID
NOBODY EVEN CARED

"Mongoloid" by Devo...
 
#23
Nellie the Cripple
Had only one nipple
to feed the baby on

Poor little bugger
He could'nt play rugger
He had to lie in the sun

He'll never Go Swimming
He'll never Chase Women
he'll never be Fit to Fight

He's fed by a cripple
with only one nipple
because what happened one night

 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
#24
See wiki:

Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The fourth verse was removed circa 1960, because of its use of the word Abo, an offensive slang term for Aboriginal Australians. The lyrics of this verse (not found on Rolf Harris' official website) are as follows:

Let me Abos go loose, Lou
Let me Abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lou
So let me Abos go loose.

The stockman thus emancipates his Aboriginal captives only at his death, when they were "of no further use" to him.[citation needed] The offending verse did not feature in later versions of the song. In 2006 Harris expressed his regret about the original lyrics.[5]
 
#25
Nellie the Cripple
Had only one nipple
to feed the baby on


Poor little bugger
He could'nt play rugger
He had to lie in the sun


He'll never Go Swimming
He'll never Chase Women
he'll never be Fit to Fight


He's fed by a cripple
with only one nipple
because what happened one night
The REAL lyrics to this old chestnut are.... (References in old money)

Nellie the cripple
Had only one nipple
To feed the bastard on.

The poor little ******
Had only one sucker
To gnash his teeth upon.

When all of a sudden
A rollicking bollock
Came flying through the air
Would she duck?
Would she ****!
It caught her fair and square.

So Nellie's in
The family way again
And some poor bugger
Has got to pay
£7, 7 and 6 a day,

£7, 7 and 6 a day?
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a rollicking bollocking shame!

Repeat ad infinitum......
 
#27
Little Girls - Extreme

It's not fair what they put me through
Please tell me what am I supposed to do
Why do I get myself in this situation

There must be some logical
Answers why I rob the cradle
Can this be love or just infatuation

Little girl come out and play
I got some candy for my baby
It's your sweet sixteenth birthday celebration

Thank heaven for little girls who
Grow up in a most peculiar way

You might think she's too young for me
(Little girls)
You know I always say you're as young as you feel
(As you feel)
Yeah, I might be crazy 'cause I like them so young
(Little girls)
But with little girls the best is yet to come come
(Yet to come)

Some they say I'm too old for her
Old enough to be her father
Incestual blood is thicker than water
Do what's right not morally wrong
Flesh and blood can only be so strong
And it's my god not yours I'll have to answer
 
#28
Sweaty Betty - The Macc Lads

She wore big knickers and she worked at the sewage farm
Got my hands down her jeans and I nearly lost half my arm
But after ten pints, she looked quite fit
Couldn't wait to get my hands on her flabby tits
So I said, Slap that and ride the ripples
I just got to get my gob round her greasy nipples
Flabby arse, sweaty breasts, thirty eight chins
She was a mound of flesh
Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of pies
Sweaty Betty, she's got enormous thighs
Sweaty Betty, have you smelled her breath?
Sweaty Betty, she'd crush a man to death

I knew that she wanted me to shag her
So I stabbed her **** with my mutton dagger
I couldn't believe the size of her bum
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum
I've seen nowt like it since the day I was born
But you know me, I'll shag owt that's warm

Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of chips
Sweaty Betty, she's got massive tits
Sweaty Betty, she's got a huge vagina
Sweaty Betty, you'd fit a bus inside her
She's so obscene, three tons of margarine
She's like a lump of lard
But Sweaty Betty makes my willy hard
 
#29
Not sure Mungo Jerry would be topping the charts if 'In the Summertime' was released today.

'In the summertime when the weather is hot
You can stretch right up and touch the sky
When the weather's fine
You got women, you got women on your mind
Have a drink, have a drive
Go out and see what you can find
If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal
If her daddy's poor just do what you feel

Speed along the lane
Do a turn or return the twenty-five
When the sun goes down
You can make it, make it good and really fine
We're not bad people
We're not dirty, we're not mean
We love everybody but we do as we please
When the weather's fine
We go fishin' or go swimmin' in the sea
We're always happy
Life's for livin' yeah, that's our philosophy'
 
#30
Sweaty Betty - The Macc Lads

She wore big knickers and she worked at the sewage farm
Got my hands down her jeans and I nearly lost half my arm
But after ten pints, she looked quite fit
Couldn't wait to get my hands on her flabby tits
So I said, Slap that and ride the ripples
I just got to get my gob round her greasy nipples
Flabby arse, sweaty breasts, thirty eight chins
She was a mound of flesh
Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of pies
Sweaty Betty, she's got enormous thighs
Sweaty Betty, have you smelled her breath?
Sweaty Betty, she'd crush a man to death


I knew that she wanted me to shag her
So I stabbed her **** with my mutton dagger
I couldn't believe the size of her bum
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum
I've seen nowt like it since the day I was born
But you know me, I'll shag owt that's warm


Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of chips
Sweaty Betty, she's got massive tits
Sweaty Betty, she's got a huge vagina
Sweaty Betty, you'd fit a bus inside her
She's so obscene, three tons of margarine
She's like a lump of lard
But Sweaty Betty makes my willy hard


The Macc Lads are stll going strong, after re-forming last year. May not get any Radio 1 or MTV, but they still have a fan-base. They are tourin the UK in November, and also a few Punk festivals.

See you in the mosh pit.
 
#31
Have a listen to Lucille Bogan, recording in the 1930s. 'Shave 'em dry' is about a happy go lucky whore. 'Till the cows come home' is equally rude. Some of the old blues songs used double entendes ('If I can't sell it, I'll sit on it' - about a chair). A brit band leader, Harry Roy pushed the limits with 'My Girl's Pussy'. Listen and enjoy.
 
#32
Honky-tonk singer David Allan Coe -released a song called n***er ******. His Wikipedia entry is worth a read.



She said someday I'd understand
What love was all about
She said I could have the kids
She was movin out
Said she'd finally found a man
Who's dick was so much bigger
Then that scumbag motherfucker
Run off with a n***er

And to think I'd ate the pussy
Where that big, black dick had been
And kissed the lips that sucked him off
Time and time again
It's enough to make a man throw up
Sure is hard to figure
How any decent girl could ever ****
A greasy n***er

He treated her just like a queen
She gave him all my money
It looks like the joke's on me
But I don't think it's funny
That pussy ain't worth payin for
As far as I can figure
'Cause there's nothing quite as worthless
As a white girl with a n***er

And to think I'd ate the pussy
Where that big, black dick had been
And kissed the lips that sucked him off
Time and time again
It's enough to make a man throw up
Sure is hard to figure
How any decent girl could ever ****
A God damn n***er
So for all you n***er lovin whores
This song is just for you

 
#35
I've got sixpence

I've got sixpence
Jolly. jolly sixpence
I've got sixpence to last me all my life
I've got tuppence to spend
And tuppence to lend
And tuppence to send home to my wife (**** the wife!)

Chorus:

No cares have I to grieve me
No pretty little girls to deceive me
I'm happy as the day beleive me
As we go rolling, rolling home (blind drunk)
Rolling home (blind drunk)
Rolling home (blind drunk)
By the light of the silvery moo-oo-on
I'm as happy as the day when a soldier gets his pay
As we go rolling, rolling home (blind drunk).

I've got fourpence
Jolly, jolly fourpence
I've got fourpence to last me all my life
I've got tuppence to spend
And tuppence to lend
And ****-all to send home to my wife (**** the wife!)

Chorus:

I've got tuppence
Jolly, jolly tuppence
I've got tuppence to last me all my life
I've got tuppence to spend
And ****-all to lend
And ****-all to send home to my wife-poor wife (**** the wife!)

Chorus:

I've got ****-all
Jolly. jolly ****-all
I've got ****-all to last me all my life
I've got ****-all to spend
And ****-all to lend
And ****-all to send home to my wife (**** the wife!)
 
#36
Don’t hear this verse sung much these days- seemingly for fear of offending the Scots... despite it being written as an earnest hope and prayer that Field Marshall Wade succeed in halting the Scottish invasion of England in 1745 led by the utterly despicable and cowardly Bonny Prince Charlie. Nowadays he’s primarily known for brown-nosing his hopeless French allies (the so-called “auld alliance” which is more accurately described as the “shite alliance”), his idiotic betrayal of the Highland clans at Culloden, and cross-dressing. Although he redeemed himself slightly by gifting us the recipe for Drambuie.

God save the Queen (Verse six).

Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the Queen!
 
#37
Sung to the tune of the Eton boating song:-

Balls Balls and foreskins,
hairy knobs and turds,
jamrags and contraceptives,
and loosely living birds,

And We're all queers together,
Excuse us while we mount the stairs,
and we all push it uphill
that's why we go round in pairs.
 
#39
@SkippedOnce I’m guessing that you’re a thin-skinned lowland twat ;-)
As complaining that a particular example of an old song is ‘old’ in a thread about old songs seems a bit dim.
Fair enough; amended. With your diatribe above, you managed to hit pretty much every stereotypical piece of propaganda, though I'm surprised you missed the opportunity to use 'frisp'.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#40
Two nancy boys climbed on the stage
Before anybody could stop 'em
They handed me up a bouquet
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.
 

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