Old Age

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by B_AND_T, Feb 19, 2012.

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Just had my birthday and feeling a tad sorry for myself.

    Woke up this morning with the best stiffy I have had in a long time.

    I looked at him, he looked at me, but for the life of me I could not be bothered to have a wank!

    Is this old age and my life to come (or not after this morning)!
  2. Yes, thank god I'm only 55.

  3. In that case I wont tell you what i am up to or inside of to be more accurate.
  4. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Your sister?
  5. B&T, it's brill being old, you can piss yourself and folk just give knowing little nod, you
    can shout abuse at all and sundry, people just shake their heads and walk away.

    Shoplifting is a particular pleasure, Store Dicks just put it down to 'He's old and should
    be forgiven'.....silly basterds, I've got away with thousands of Pot Noodles...so far.

    You can hang about opposite the School Gates and nobody bats an eyelid.

    You don't pay on Buses......not even Outrage ones.

    You can throw things on the floor when the Home Help arrives and look up her clarts
    when she bends over to pick them up.

    You can drive at 35mph to irritate every other cnut.

    You can get away with loud snoring in Cinemas and on Public Transport.

    But best of all you can get away with calling 'The Hole in the Wall Gang' fcuking Pakis.

    No, Mate, growing old is pretty damn good......Oh, and you get some coin off HM Govt
    and nobody calls you a sponging cnut.
    • Like Like x 7
  6. At least you wake up before your erection...

    You should've rubbed one out. Shame to waste a perfectly good hard on.

    Hope you enjoy your new hobbies of shouting at the telly and pissing/shitting your tweeds, it's ace.
  7. The good old days when it used to stand proudly watching you shave now it justs hangs there watching you polish your shoes.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. I can't even see mine without standing in front of a mirror.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. When I was a young lad I couldn't bend it; I can now. I must be getting stronger with age.
    • Like Like x 4
  10. Aha! You've been told on another thread, that unless there is pictorial proof of your dalliance with a 21 year old, this will in fact remain a mere fantasy.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Its all true. Every word.
  12. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Growing old is brilliant. The respect we elders get from the likes of Porridge_Gun, Fallschirmjaeger, Five Alpha etc is just brilliant!!!! :smooch:
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I'm looking forward to getting one of those little blue cars and being able to park where i like.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I don't think 5A respects anyone!

    Apart from Mohammed who runs the local Offy!
  15. Old age and treachery will always defeat youth and skill. Mind you you need a lot of treachery.