Oh those sexy park benches!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, Aug 12, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Mind boggling.

    Lost for words.

  2. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I knew I had been doing it wrong. I had been having sex ON a park bench, and not with one. Doh!
  3. in_the_cheapseats

    in_the_cheapseats LE Moderator

    Sad sad fool
  4. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Ok, in the best spirit of this site, come on, post pics of said bench, preferably naked and unpainted.
  5. Doctor, doctor! He's over here...
  6. In days of old when knights were bold
    and ladies weren't invented
    knights drilled holes in telegraph poles
    and had to be contented

    There's probably a dissertation to be had out of placing this incident in a historical context ;)
  7. I can't believe this ... the two timing bitch ... she told me I was the only one :x
  8. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    She looks a bit rough to me. Bit of a chav. Needs a good wash, could do with eating fewer pies too. But let's have a look at her gas and we will save judgement.
  9. best bit

    not enough as the dim cnut is still breathing :twisted:
  10. I suppose that, given the contrast in structure and function between the sexual parts of males and females, men are always going to be more vulnerable to these embarrassing encounters.

    Whatever it might be that a woman yearns to stuff up her chuff, it can usually be achieved fairly discreetly .......

    ......... though I do recall (many moons ago) seeing S*e P***er lying on a kitchen table, as a group of lads tried to shove a Bullworker Chest Expander into her flue.
    (This might sound like assault, but there was, honestly, no evidence that she wasn't enjoying the attention.)
  11. Oh Yes..... noffink like a Park Bench for a bit of 'Hows Yer Father!'. This Geezer should complain to the Park Wardens that the knot holes in the bench are just a bit to small... and rough. So Matey, next time he feels like 'It' bring some sandpaper...you never know when you have to to sand down the little knob!!

    There was a Geezer in the UK who was arrested for havings sex with flag stones on paths...... Maybe should ty 'It' on a motorbike next.... :)

    Attached Files:

  12. I've just been out in the garden and shagged my pond. The greenhouse is getting it later.

    Purely for research purposes you understand. Cough. :oops:
  13. So he kept it up for 4 hours?? Shoulda entered the bloody olympics with that kind of endurance. In any case, they shoulda just whipped it off the sad cnut in the first place and called it a day.
  14. There's that old joke about the chap who sh@gged holes in the side of tree trunks.
    One day his mate saw him and suggested he might prefer to stick his todger in a woman's fanny and directed him to a whore.
    Once she had removed her knickers, the chap grabbed a broom handle and proceeded to poke it around in the woman's fanny.
    When asked what he was doing, he replied I'm checking there's not a wasps nest in it.