Oh those sexy park benches!

#2
Mind boggling.

Lost for words.

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#3
I knew I had been doing it wrong. I had been having sex ON a park bench, and not with one. Doh!
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#5
Mr_Deputy said:
I have feelings for a bench in the park where I walk. Sometimes I walk there just to see the bench - who am I kidding I walk there everyday to see it. I've got a sofa at home but I think about this bench all the time.
Ok, in the best spirit of this site, come on, post pics of said bench, preferably naked and unpainted.
 
#6
Doctor, doctor! He's over here...
 
#7
In days of old when knights were bold
and ladies weren't invented
knights drilled holes in telegraph poles
and had to be contented


There's probably a dissertation to be had out of placing this incident in a historical context ;)
 
#8
Mr_Deputy said:
here she is, my lovely lovely one. who couldn't love that. we'd make cute little foot stools together.
I can't believe this ... the two timing bitch ... she told me I was the only one :x
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#9
She looks a bit rough to me. Bit of a chav. Needs a good wash, could do with eating fewer pies too. But let's have a look at her gas and we will save judgement.
 
#11
I suppose that, given the contrast in structure and function between the sexual parts of males and females, men are always going to be more vulnerable to these embarrassing encounters.

Whatever it might be that a woman yearns to stuff up her chuff, it can usually be achieved fairly discreetly .......

......... though I do recall (many moons ago) seeing S*e P***er lying on a kitchen table, as a group of lads tried to shove a Bullworker Chest Expander into her flue.
(This might sound like assault, but there was, honestly, no evidence that she wasn't enjoying the attention.)
 
#12
Oh Yes..... noffink like a Park Bench for a bit of 'Hows Yer Father!'. This Geezer should complain to the Park Wardens that the knot holes in the bench are just a bit to small... and rough. So Matey, next time he feels like 'It' bring some sandpaper...you never know when you have to to sand down the little knob!!

There was a Geezer in the UK who was arrested for havings sex with flag stones on paths...... Maybe should ty 'It' on a motorbike next.... :)
 

Attachments

#13
I've just been out in the garden and shagged my pond. The greenhouse is getting it later.



Purely for research purposes you understand. Cough. :oops:
 
#14
It took doctors four hours to cut him free. They later said that if he had been stuck for just an hour longer they may have been forced to amputate his penis.
So he kept it up for 4 hours?? Shoulda entered the bloody olympics with that kind of endurance. In any case, they shoulda just whipped it off the sad cnut in the first place and called it a day.
 
#15
There's that old joke about the chap who sh@gged holes in the side of tree trunks.
One day his mate saw him and suggested he might prefer to stick his todger in a woman's fanny and directed him to a whore.
Once she had removed her knickers, the chap grabbed a broom handle and proceeded to poke it around in the woman's fanny.
When asked what he was doing, he replied I'm checking there's not a wasps nest in it.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#16
bovvy said:
I suppose that, given the contrast in structure and function between the sexual parts of males and females, men are always going to be more vulnerable to these embarrassing encounters.

Whatever it might be that a woman yearns to stuff up her chuff, it can usually be achieved fairly discreetly .......

......... though I do recall (many moons ago) seeing S*e P***er lying on a kitchen table, as a group of lads tried to shove a Bullworker Chest Expander into her flue.
(This might sound like assault, but there was, honestly, no evidence that she wasn't enjoying the attention.)
Is your friend still around, and receiving visitors?

re the bullworker, I had a nasty moment of thought. I had pictured the old-fashioned chest expander, with all the springs, and was quite worried that she might have caught something in the springs.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
Separately, Scot Robert Stewart was placed on the sex offenders register after being caught having trying to copulate with a bicycle.
WHAT? Since when is it illegal to bang your bike? Wheres the Human Rights tossers when you need them? Frocking Nanny State.
 
#18
TheIronDuke said:
Separately, Scot Robert Stewart was placed on the sex offenders register after being caught having trying to copulate with a bicycle.
WHAT? Since when is it illegal to bang your bike? Wheres the Human Rights tossers when you need them? Frocking Nanny State.
Bins the hoover... :oops:
 
#19
TheIronDuke said:
Separately, Scot Robert Stewart was placed on the sex offenders register after being caught having trying to copulate with a bicycle.
WHAT? Since when is it illegal to bang your bike? Wheres the Human Rights tossers when you need them? Frocking Nanny State.
It's not illegal to have sex with a consenting bicycle. So long as it's in the privacy of one's own shed :wink:
 
#20
old_fat_and_hairy said:
bovvy said:
I suppose that, given the contrast in structure and function between the sexual parts of males and females, men are always going to be more vulnerable to these embarrassing encounters.

Whatever it might be that a woman yearns to stuff up her chuff, it can usually be achieved fairly discreetly .......

......... though I do recall (many moons ago) seeing S*e P***er lying on a kitchen table, as a group of lads tried to shove a Bullworker Chest Expander into her flue.
(This might sound like assault, but there was, honestly, no evidence that she wasn't enjoying the attention.)
Is your friend still around, and receiving visitors?

re the bullworker, I had a nasty moment of thought. I had pictured the old-fashioned chest expander, with all the springs, and was quite worried that she might have caught something in the springs.
She wasn't a friend and I have no idea where she is. We were about 18 years old at the time and just knocked around with the same group of lads.

I wasn't WATCHING! But we needed to walk through the kitchen to reach the sitting room. I did see her after that evening and she appeared to be walking normally.
 

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