Oh Shit Wrong House

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Dennis48, Jun 29, 2010.

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  1. When I lived in Colchester I twice tried to get in the same wrong house coming home from the piss. The occupant of said house quite often tried to get into mine in the same circumstances. Fucking town planners!
  2. Polish bloke sounds like quite the philosopher, and akindly soul - at least in the sense that (a) He didn't batter the junkie into ITU, (b) He seems quite forgiving.

    Still, I imagine being 20st and nails gives you a bit of room for philosophising in a number of unlikely circumstances.
  3. You sure he wasn't smashing your missus?? ;)
  4. “He looked at me, said ‘Oh s***’ and pushed me on to the wall so I gave him a kick in the stomach and he slowed down.

    “I know how to wrestle, I like fighting sports, so I got him in a Nelson headlock.

    “He was trying to get up so I had to punch him in the head.

    I like this guy! If we need more immigrants lets have some like him!

    Well done that man.

    :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

  5. "Christie, of Tile Hill, ­Coventry, admitted ­burglary. He was spared a longer ­sentence because he had kept out of trouble for a decade.

    Judge Marten Coates told him: “It’s a good 10 years since you have been in trouble."

    10 years not been caught more like.
  6. BugsyIII

    BugsyIII On ROPs

  7. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    On some God forsaken training area we were in c*ap Nissen huts and the ablutions were far away. Instead of doing the time honoured leak in the miniature sink I did the honourable thing and went off to relieve myself of the Mess's finest ales.

    I came back feckin frozen and climbed into my pit... Neil didn't seem to mind and called me Fiona if I remember. It was not discussed at brekkers.

  8. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    For those of you unfamiliar with the Polish turn of phrase, the lines above loosely translate as: "The prisoner violently attempted to escape my legal arrest and I was unfortunately and against my will compelled to restrain him."
  9. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    Once upon a time a Lr Cdr in a ship at Aden had a grand passion for the somewhat brassy English wife of a Polish Flt Lt living in an MQ in that ghastly hell-hole. One morning all naval officers' leave was stopped to find out which thoroughly stewed NO had entered an RAF OR's MQ, barged into the master bedroom and announced "Out you get you old b'gger, it's my turn now". The large RAF Sgt who rose up out of the bed was unamused. The intruder somehow worked out that his evening wasn't going right and fled. Next day EVERYONE in his ship guessed exactly what had happened but the culprit had no recollection of any of it (I mean he used to get a fair old load on, priming the pump at breakfast time and continuing like so all day and evening; the first time I met him he was counting his feet to see how many there were today and it was only 1300). Eventually two and two made four and the Lt Cdr was invalided home (rather rapidly). The Pole had a 14 y o daughter who was also desired by another much younger NO, but that is another story. Not much to choose from in Aden y'know.
  10. No, that queue went to the front door!
  11. Shame said 20st bloke didn't have a shotgun on him at the time a la Tony Martin...
  12. Doesn't sound like he needed any artificial aids.