'Oh look, human remains! I'll run them over, what fun!'

  • Thread starter Mark The Convict
  • Start date
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
Bus walt! Hopefully its arse acted as a Venturi, increasing the force with which its guts struck a passing chav in mid-text.
 

girliebiker

Old-Salt
I hit a greyhound shortly after passing my test. A lady opened her door to call the kids in and the dog escaped, I was watching the kids come running from the left and didn't see the dog from the right. The lady was screaming and shouting at me that I'd killed her dog.
The dog in the mean time had taken it's self off to die under a bush.
The lady's husband came home and after talking to me and his kids, he gave his wife a slap and offered to pay for any repairs to my car!

A few years later on my way to work the crossing lady stepped out to stop the traffic. I stopped and heard a thud, a child had run out behind my car thinking that I was going to continue moving and ran smack into the boot. They are not known for their inteligence in these parts!
 
I almost bagged myself a small pakistani child last year, whilst driving back down through one of their special areas two of them decided despite the heavy flow of traffic, and my large silver pickup truck coming towards them that they would just walk across the road anyway. I of course tend to refuse to use my brakes if people put theirselves in positions of stupidity. Upon noticing the fact I was still barrelling towards them without slowing down they sped up ever so slightly and just got out of the way in time, I almost clipped one with my wing mirror but I would have had to swerve slightly to connect.
 

phil37

Old-Salt
Reversed over my neighbours kid last year. He had been hiding behind my car prior to packing the exhaust with twigs. Little sod spent a week in hospital.
 

Mr_Baiter

War Hero
Hit a badger about 8 years ago - completely shagged the bumper and split the radiator. Also hit a deer - I was amazed at the amount of damage a slow speed collision with a deer caused to a Landrover with bullbars. Luckily the stomach and gut didn't split so we had venison for quite a while.

Bloke in the same village died after a deer collision - but I think that was more to do with panicing after the collision and rolling the car.
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
A mate went to some job out west - in the Kimberley, I think - and on arrival, a local told him to get a steel plate welded into the gap in his bullbar. The reason was that a collision with a feral pig would cause its head to snap back, through the gap, and into the radiator. My mate let the job wait a bit too long and he hit a pig, sure enough; wrecked radiator, undriveable car, a long and very expensive tow into town, radiator replacement...and a bullbar mod.
 
I actually didn't run it over, but I was on the bus that did. A pigeon in the middle of town. It sounded like a balloon popping.
When i was a kid i saw a pigeon get run over by a bus not 5 foot away from me, didnt go pop, didnt even go crunch, it was just there one second and the next a red splodge on the road.
 
Perhaps this little publication may be of some use:

Original Roadkill Cookbook



Some kind soul may want to add a human bits section?
 

Krek_Brizzle

War Hero
Minchinhampton Common between Stroud and Cirencester has free-roaming cattle from May to November. Seen a couple of nasty arguments between car and cow up there.
 
I almost bagged myself a small pakistani child last year, whilst driving back down through one of their special areas two of them decided despite the heavy flow of traffic, and my large silver pickup truck coming towards them that they would just walk across the road anyway. I of course tend to refuse to use my brakes if people put theirselves in positions of stupidity. Upon noticing the fact I was still barrelling towards them without slowing down they sped up ever so slightly and just got out of the way in time, I almost clipped one with my wing mirror but I would have had to swerve slightly to connect.
no passenger to open the door and catch the stragglers eh? Never mind, go round again!
 
A number of pheasants not that I aim for them, they just jump in front of me. A couple of deer not Muntjac but a Fallow and a Roe. The Roe was very nice, unfortunately the fallow caused quite a bit of damage and was still kicking it's remaining 3 legs like billy o and not having a suitable despatching implement in the car had to call the boys in blue.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
I once decapitated a rabbit in my old falcon.
Bugs stuck his head up just as I barelled over
the top doing about 110ks. Smeared over the stone guard like warm jam. On a lighter note
I also reversed over a chinese woman in my truck.
 
Never killed something that size. I hit and paralysed a coon once. Stopped and he was writhing around. Had my M1911 on me so I shot him.
I know I shouldn't but.................snigger giggle
 
I once decapitated a rabbit in my old falcon.
Bugs stuck his head up just as I barelled over
the top doing about 110ks. Smeared over the stone guard like warm jam. On a lighter note
I also reversed over a chinese woman in my truck.
Han Solo walt!!
 

Augustus

Old-Salt
I was once checking into a hotel at Lagos airport early in the morning after an overnight flight. Was less that delighted to be allocated a room with a direct view down onto the motorway.

Stepping out the shower I heard a cacophony of car horns - some poor bastard had been run over and was lying motionless in the carriageway, and drivers were struggling to get round the prostrate form in the road. No-one stopped to help, as Lagos rush hour is ungodly at the best of times, but all avoided the body.

Whether or not he was dead was decided by a large truck who continued, foot down, to drive straight over him. From then on no evasive driving was undertaken. I still remember the "whump-whump" sound made as trucks and cars raced over the remains.

I had a morning sleep, and when I opened my curtains mid-afternoon the remains had been reduced to a large dirty stain on the tarmac. Literally ground into a million mushy pieces.

Welcome to Lagos!
 
I was once checking into a hotel at Lagos airport early in the morning after an overnight flight. Was less that delighted to be allocated a room with a direct view down onto the motorway.

Stepping out the shower I heard a cacophony of car horns - some poor bastard had been run over and was lying motionless in the carriageway, and drivers were struggling to get round the prostrate form in the road. No-one stopped to help, as Lagos rush hour is ungodly at the best of times, but all avoided the body.

Whether or not he was dead was decided by a large truck who continued, foot down, to drive straight over him. From then on no evasive driving was undertaken. I still remember the "whump-whump" sound made as trucks and cars raced over the remains.

I had a morning sleep, and when I opened my curtains mid-afternoon the remains had been reduced to a large dirty stain on the tarmac. Literally ground into a million mushy pieces.

Welcome to Lagos!
What a waste of sole a la foot. Reportedly.
 

EightEight

Old-Salt
I bagged a wild boar in Bavaria with a landrover while on exercise in the early 80s. The thing came out of the woods and I swear it attacked us - wrapped the front wing and bumper round the wheel. The only problem was that the landrover had been borrowed from the RAOC stores section and was their pride and joy - they even polished it with kero! Lots of paperwork for that one.


Regards

88
 
I thought all that stopped after the 60's civil rights movement? One lives and learns.
Sorry I was talking about a racoon, not sure if you have them in the UK. Small bearline mammal, about 15-20 pounds.
 
Sorry I was talking about a racoon, not sure if you have them in the UK. Small bearline mammal, about 15-20 pounds.
That's what I thought you were talking about. What a strange response?

Oh wait! I get the mix up now... >;)
 
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