'Oh look, human remains! I'll run them over, what fun!'

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mark The Convict, Mar 2, 2011.

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  1. Human remains found strewn across a major motorway north of Sydney had been run over several times by passing motorists, police say.

    The discovery of the body parts was reported to police by one of those motorists, who accidentally ran over a part.

    Police are uncertain whether the incident was suicide or a hit and run and are not ruling out the possibility that the victim died somewhere else.

    Lies! Who amongst us, on seeing human remains strewn invitingly across the highway, hasn't thought;

    'Maybe it's the ex! 5 points if I can wrap the entrails around the drive shaft, 10 points if I can flip a limb into the sunroof, 20 points if I can punt the head into the oncoming traffic.'

    What scary things have you seen on the road, or bizarre things have you run over/into? My only effort was a uni. student. Bastard didn't even go under the wheels. Sorry.

  2. Make your own remains?
  3. I ran over a cat once, the sound was like a load of bamboo canes being twisted and snapped :hmm:
  4. A fat cunt who was texting in the middle of the road, with my motorbike
  5. A huge mutant rabbit cracked by front bumper...and almost a duck...and almost the stoopid woman that used to live at the end of my road. Saw a chicken stuck on a wagon once half dead flapping its one wing. And got called to an RTC where the guy had been hit off his motorbike and crushed under a wagon...nothing to do CPR on.
  6. A cat, which, despite being rotated repeatedly against the bottom of the car after becoming wrapped around the prop shaft, completed it's crossing of the road after ejection. Very noisy.

    A large deer which tried to cross the M6 before I got to it. The wife was more concerned for the welfare of the deer (dead, but I didn't have the heart to tell her) than the state of the front of our car, nor of the consequences of it joining her in the front passenger seat. My second deer-strike, after taking-out a stag on the Sennelager range road with an MK. I loves venison, I does.

    Edited to add a large unidentified bird, at 120 knots, in Lynx. Possibly a gull, judging by the remains smeared across the windscreen.
  7. I win!! I chalked up a cunt in an MG Metro once.

    When they cut him out he resembled a pillowcase half full of sand. Bits of him were flopping about like triffle down guttering.
  8. An acquaintance of mine hit a distressed person one foggy night. The OB reckoned that the mental loon was on all fours in the carriageway when he was hit. My chum drove on convinced he had hit a deer or a large dog...The OB at first tried to stitch him for an array of offences. However after the coroner's inquest, they decided to let him slide...the guy who was killed had been depressed, expressed a suicidal mind set and had taken to walking dark country roads in the wee small hours. Moreover, they couldn't do him for drink driving as he was clean as a whistle due to a gentleman's complaint and antibiotics. Shok him up when he realised that the deer had once been a yooman bean!
  9. A couple of years ago I hit a deer one night, not in Scotland I might add. Made a real messy impact. We got out the car to decide what to do about it as I like venison. But he was a vegetarian so unwilling to help me load it in the boot. It's not unusual where I live as they roam free in a forest near a main highway.

    A friend of mine often hits the rabbits who live on her property and recently winged a partridge with her Land Rover.
  10. A handful of pheasants on my motorbike. Fuck knows how I stayed on.
  11. You delusional fucking beast, you don't have any friends.
  12. Jarrod you really have let your occupation go to your head, perhaps you should check yourself in.
  13. Perhaps you shouldn't be a dirty stalking fibber.
  14. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    I haven't hit anything live. I did see a cat try and walk with one leg after being slammed square in the side by the car ahead of me's left front wheel. It was like some crazy funky dance.
  15. I'd forgotten about this; about 35-odd years ago, I very nearly got a faceful of mortally-injured kangaroo at about 100km/h. We were driving through a cutting out west, the 'roo bolted in front of the car - as they are wont to do, they're not the brightest of beasts - and the driver knew not to swerve (the general rule is that if you can see over it, you don't try to avoid it)

    Luckily, we hit it at the end of a hop, otherwise it would have come straight through the windscreen, with undesirable results for yours truly. They rarely die instantly, and kick frantically in an attempt to escape, shredding whoever happens to be within reach. As it was, its reflexive kick was enough to cave in the passenger door on the way past.