Having to refer the problem to be decided by a soft lowlander (south of Crieff), what's the country coming to?
In days gone past, the problem would have been solved by taking part in a miniature version of the highland games consisiting of 3 rounds
1. The first man to successfully down a bottle of rarest single malt (and by that i mean not to miss a drop, they are scottish after all ), then wedge the giant ceremonial quaich under his foreskin and bang it 3 times on the table.
2.Involves a dash up the nearest mountain (we dont have hills oop north!) carrying a fully grown red deer hind over his shoulders, then mount the hind and whisper in her ear 'I'm horny, from Aberdeen and there are no sheep about'. Winner is the last man on his hind.
3.First man to successfully eat a deep fried Ram's scrotum which he has to 'dook' for in a bucket of flaming blended malts (all it's good for). Extra point may be given to the man with least facial burns.
I was always told that the highlands started at Comrie! Perth was looked upon as a den of southeron bestiality and evilness. Which is probably why my grandfather married "a fair maid of Perth". I hope he wasn't disappointed...