oh crap

#1
I was just reversing my car outside the office when I heard a crack, crack, tinkle, smash, splinter sound. I then checked my left hand wing mirror (which I had failed to do previously) & it turns out I’d just reversed into a shiny new silver Audi. On closer inspection it also appears to be a company car & belongs to one of the directors that I work for… 8O


What should I do now :?

-DC
 
#3
How many floors does your corporate headquarters have?

If you have more than say, 2 floors I would do what the Japs would do and chuck yourself off the roof. See if you can land on a shiny silver Audi.
 
#4
Using a fist full of the shards of broken glass wank yourself silly over the drivers door handle and let him track you down using DNA evidence from your blood/fanny batter combo..
 
#5
Judging by the content of your previous threads, i thought you had crossed the line and had got into scat.
 
#6
seduce a fine filly over the bonnet, tell the tale to us on here then power a small housing estate with the harnessed expended energy from 40000 collective groans
 
#7
Go and tell the director what a stupid cnut he is for parking right where your crap driving skills can hit it. Call him a few other choice names too.
Then, upon collection of your P45, spend a week unshaven in your jama's knocking back whisky whilst watching daytime TV.
After that week, open another bottle of whisky, along with several bottles of strong paracetomol, take these with the whisky and then have a nice long sleep. You will soon forget your troubles.
Hope this helps :D
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
Dashing_Chap said:
I'm as boring, predictable cunt 8O

What should I do now :?

-DC
Die
 
#10
bossyboots said:
Go and tell the director what a stupid cnut he is for parking right where your crap driving skills can hit it. Call him a few other choice names too.
Then, upon collection of your P45, spend a week unshaven in your jama's knocking back whisky whilst watching daytime TV.
After that week, open another bottle of whisky, along with several bottles of strong paracetomol, take these with the whisky and then have a nice long sleep. You will soon forget your troubles.
Hope this helps
:D
So how long were you Michael Jackson's lifestyle coach for?
 
#13
_Artemis_ said:
Punctuate your "location" correctly?
Thanks old boy, never noticed that... Just had another quick peek, it's not as bad as I thought. Tho I certainly don't recommend such actions, I'm wondering whether I should flee the scene or plead guilty...

-DC
 
#14
Go and take a load of valium washed down with a litre of vodka. We'll feel much better in the morning.
 
#15
Dashing_Chap said:
_Artemis_ said:
Punctuate your "location" correctly?
Thanks old boy, never noticed that... Just had another quick peek, it's not as bad as I thought. Tho I certainly don't recommend such actions, I'm wondering whether I should flee the scene or plead guilty...

-DC
All I can think about is this - If I had just pranged my boss's car, the last thing I'd be doing at that moment in time is posting drivel on ARRSE. You're a liar, you don't even have a job, you probably smell like stale sweat and wee, and I bet your mum's a shit shag too. Go away.
 
#17
devexwarrior said:
bossyboots said:
Go and tell the director what a stupid cnut he is for parking right where your crap driving skills can hit it. Call him a few other choice names too.
Then, upon collection of your P45, spend a week unshaven in your jama's knocking back whisky whilst watching daytime TV.
After that week, open another bottle of whisky, along with several bottles of strong paracetomol, take these with the whisky and then have a nice long sleep. You will soon forget your troubles.
Hope this helps
:D
So how long were you Michael Jackson's lifestyle coach for?
About a week :D
 
#18
Put some different number plates on the Audi. The director will think that someone's nicked his car and some chav in a beat-up Audi has parked in his spot. Maybe.
 
S

stabradop

Guest
#19
Dashing_Chap said:
I was just reversing my car outside the office when I heard a crack, crack, tinkle, smash, splinter sound. I then checked my left hand wing mirror (which I had failed to do previously) & it turns out I’d just reversed into a shiny new silver Audi. On closer inspection it also appears to be a company car & belongs to one of the directors that I work for… 8O


What should I do now :?

-DC
Stick a jumbo firework up your arrse and light the blue touchpaper
 
#20
Dashing_Chap said:
I was just reversing my car outside the office when I heard a crack, crack, tinkle, smash, splinter sound. I then checked my left hand wing mirror (which I had failed to do previously) & it turns out I’d just reversed into a shiny new silver Audi. On closer inspection it also appears to be a company car & belongs to one of the directors that I work for… 8O


What should I do now :?

-DC
http://www.dignitas.ch/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=117&Itemid=166
 

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