oh crap

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Jul 28, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I was just reversing my car outside the office when I heard a crack, crack, tinkle, smash, splinter sound. I then checked my left hand wing mirror (which I had failed to do previously) & it turns out I’d just reversed into a shiny new silver Audi. On closer inspection it also appears to be a company car & belongs to one of the directors that I work for… 8O


    What should I do now :?

    -DC
     
  2. Yaaaaaawn...........is it that time already?.
     
  3. How many floors does your corporate headquarters have?

    If you have more than say, 2 floors I would do what the Japs would do and chuck yourself off the roof. See if you can land on a shiny silver Audi.
     
  4. Using a fist full of the shards of broken glass wank yourself silly over the drivers door handle and let him track you down using DNA evidence from your blood/fanny batter combo..
     
  5. Judging by the content of your previous threads, i thought you had crossed the line and had got into scat.
     
  6. seduce a fine filly over the bonnet, tell the tale to us on here then power a small housing estate with the harnessed expended energy from 40000 collective groans
     
  7. Go and tell the director what a stupid cnut he is for parking right where your crap driving skills can hit it. Call him a few other choice names too.
    Then, upon collection of your P45, spend a week unshaven in your jama's knocking back whisky whilst watching daytime TV.
    After that week, open another bottle of whisky, along with several bottles of strong paracetomol, take these with the whisky and then have a nice long sleep. You will soon forget your troubles.
    Hope this helps :D
     
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Die
     
  9. Punctuate your "location" correctly?
     
  10. So how long were you Michael Jackson's lifestyle coach for?
     
  11. Throw yourself in front of the nearest moving vehicle/train.
     
  12. Tell him Chubb made you do it!
     
  13. Thanks old boy, never noticed that... Just had another quick peek, it's not as bad as I thought. Tho I certainly don't recommend such actions, I'm wondering whether I should flee the scene or plead guilty...

    -DC
     
  14. Go and take a load of valium washed down with a litre of vodka. We'll feel much better in the morning.
     
  15. All I can think about is this - If I had just pranged my boss's car, the last thing I'd be doing at that moment in time is posting drivel on ARRSE. You're a liar, you don't even have a job, you probably smell like stale sweat and wee, and I bet your mum's a shit shag too. Go away.