Oh Bollox - Ive locked myself out!

I had a wonderful day yesterday, I was browsing round the Wharf, drinking coffee in the sun & admiring the irresistible eastern European waitresses. :) I returned home to my pad & threw my possessions on my couch in a rather leisurely manner. Then I rushed out this morning ready to face another day at work, bag, lunch & gym kit in hand etc.

I managed to get halfway down the road before I noticed something wasn’t quite the ticket- Chaps, I’ve locked myself out! :x

I always used to laugh at the idiots who could do such a stupid thing, my neighbour has locked himself out twice since I’ve been living here, now it seems I am to join him in the ranks of foolishness.

I think I left the keys on my settee, I’ll try & ring my landlord to check if he has a spare, but if not I’m certainly in a slight spot of poo! 8O

I live on the 3rd floor, have double glazing, all the windows & naturally the doors are shut. How on earth do I get back in :?

Your rather troubled servant,

you pay an APPALLINGLY expensive locksmith to get you in and change the lock...you luck chap you :D

PS hahahahahahahaha


Book Reviewer
Or find a local Chav and offer him a few bucks - they're experts at this sort of thing.

Make sure you kill him afterwards though, or he'll be back when you're out!
Third floor would indicate a block of flats so.......use your nonce, ring every buzzer till someone lets you in the main door and then call a locksmith for the door to the flat. For god's sake don't call a locksmith for the main door, it's probably a security lock ie a Banham and to get two or 3 keys cut for each flat will cost more than a small fortune. :roll:
Got a paper clip or 2 handy.......?

It works in the movies.....
Ahhh D_C. I take it you have no other half to help you out then.

My boss recently did the same trick. Luckily he had a spare key with a neighbour (me). Unluckily he had left the keys in the door so it didn't work. Locksmith was the answer, unless you have a crap lock, in which case get a locksmith anyway.

Hang on, if you're outside - who posted the above?

Or are you one of those flash tw@ts with a laptop with mobile internet?


Book Reviewer
If all else fails, and money is a bit tight, and you haven't double-locked your door, pop down to the local B&Q, get yourself some wood filler and a bit of varnish (make sure it's the colour, some spare screws, a spare lock . . . oh, and some hinges, and erm, some stout boots.

Hoof the cnut straight out of the lock/frame (whichever gives first), patch it up and bob's your uncle and fanny is Brian on Thursdays.

Cheaper than a locksmith and takes away the taste of 'I'm a bit of a cnut' that's been left in the mouth by your foolishness.

One last thing: mwaha mwahahaha, mwaahahahahahahhha facking hahahahahahah
Of course the landlord has a spare key- no one would own and let a flat out and not keep a spare.
Just phone the old bill (anonomously) tell them there's a dead body in the flat, and hey ho in you go :D

Then sue them for being cnuts and breaking your door :twisted: jobs a good 'un,

Edited to add
actiontoday said:
Of course the landlord has a spare key- no one would own and let a flat out and not keep a spare.
Absolutely. How would you possibly be able to rummage through the single fit female tenant's underwear draw when she is out, without a key?

First principles!
Call Plod or Them and tell them theres a suspected bad man in your abode brandishing a weapon (waiting for incoming).

On reflection though your repair bills might be a tad high but it would give you the opportunity of testing the limits of your insurance policy and you also get your mug in the local rag. Win win situ :D
If you do call a locksmith ask for a quote before agreeing anything so he doesn't try and stitch you up for even more cash than it is worth.
Thought you were supposed to be able to use a credit card, or similar, to get in?

P.S. Hahahahahaha!

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