Officers/SNCO Poem or story wanted

Badge is being dined out soon to the 'dark side'

Would like to put Story/Poem in menu insert exstolling the virtues of the SNCO and Officer.

I have some good SNCO stuff but if any of you out there have some more please donate it.

Really need some stuff about Officers or the Officers Mess as an institution. Not having much luck in the Officers Mess Forum!!!!!!!!!

Cheers SC


I will try to dig more out but try this out for size:

The officers' mess. Everything revolved around the mess. Mess dinners. Mess social events. Mess bar. It was every regiments' central gathering place for exchanging ideas, jokes, scandals and complaints. There were happy messes, sad messes, stuffy messes and casual messes. But there were no nonalcoholic messes in the Canadian or British armies." - from "The Making of a Warrior", Land Force Staff Course handout.


Advice to the Officers of the British Army
First published in 1782
This extract from a 1946 reprint

" If you belong to a mess, eat with it as seldom as possible, to let folks see you want neither money nor credit. And when you do, in order to show that you are used to good living, find fault with every dish that is set on the table, damn the wine, and throw the plates at the mess-man's head.

If the dinner is not served up immediately on your sitting down, draw circles with your fork on the table; cut the table-cloth; and, if you have pewter plates, spin them on the point of your fork, or do some other mischief, to punish the fellow for making you wait. "

Not really a story or poem as such but something i have used to bulk out menus in the past!


I will keep chucking stuff up here.....hope it all helps!

Good young officers who become good old generals are made by good sergeants, … a combination of ill-founded self-confidence, bluff and outstanding support and guidance from a series of unforgettable sergeants allowed me to create an impression of competence. - Major- General Lewis MacKenzie, Peacekeeper, 1993

Rule Number 1: Know your enemy and avoid him.
The subaltern's natural adversary is, of course, the Adjutant....
Rule Number 2: Know your enemy and supervise his bath.
There are many units that employ a fifth column in the shape of a ‘senior subaltern.' ...
Rule Number 3: Know your enemy and charm her.
The Commanding Officer will be married ...
Rule Number 4: Know your enemies and join them.
Passing reference has been made to the wives' club ... the [successful subaltern] offers his services to the wives' club as its ‘Military Coordinator.' ...
Rule Number 5: Know your enemy and don't be his assistant.
The bane of every young officer's life is the extra-mural jobs that he is given on top of running his platoon or troop. ...
Rule Number 6: Drink water in the Sergeant's Mess. ...

- Sustainer, How to be a Successful Subaltern, British Army Review, Number 60, December 1978


If you need any more then shout!!! I unfortunately have a pretty in depth library of military quotes etc.... Is was a birthday present many years ago!!


War Hero
I can't remember off the top of my head but 'Barrackroom Ballards' by Kipling may include some poems or verses you could use. In the same way he wrote 'Tommy' and others on the squaddie, i imagine he might have done the same for SNCOs and Officers. Try 'Gentleman Ranker' for suitability. Similarly, he wrote a couple of poems about the Artillery and the Engineers so perhaps, if either were the appropriate capbadge, you could use them, or, of not, plagiarise the structure and amend the content accordingly.

Thankyou very much for this there is some top stuff here and I am now spoilt for choice.

I shall of course claim all work for my own when I am soundly port fined by the CO for the nature of some of the menu inclusions!!!!!!!!

Cheers SC
Shooting Chef, how the hell did you get put in a postion in your mess that involved you giving a speech, my god! I take it the whole Regiment are currently on tour and you've picked up the PEC/PMC job?
There obviously scraping the barrel for personalities in your place.
See you at CORPSAAM (Or that silly new name they have)


Book Reviewer

New Posts

Latest Threads