Officers and Sergeant......the Truth

Discussion in 'Seniors' started by charliecharlieone, Jan 13, 2006.

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  1. Sorry if this has been posted before, but it arrived in my inbox and i would like to share it.......made me chuckle and my OC


    Story 1

    Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten Officers and one Sergeant.
    Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.

    They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the Sergeant said he would let go of the rope since Sergeants are used to doing everything for the good of the Service. They forsake their family, don’t claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime without getting anything in return

    When he finished his moving speech all the Officers began to clap…

    Moral:
    Never underestimate the powers of a Sergeant



    Story 2

    A group of Sergeants and a group of Officers take a train to a conference. Each Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of Sergeants has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant Sergeants will finally get what they deserve.

    Suddenly one of the Sergeants calls out: “The conductor is coming!”. At once, all the Sergeants jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the Officers. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: “Ticket, please!” One of the Sergeants slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round.

    For the return trip the Officers decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the Sergeants didn’t buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the Sergeants announces again: “The conductor is coming!” Immediately all the Officers race to a toilet and lock themselves in.

    All the Sergeants leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last Sergeant enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Officers and says: “Ticket, please!”


    And the moral of the story?

    Officers like to use the methods of the Sergeants, but they don’t really understand them.



    Story 3

    Once upon a time three Officers were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first Officer knelt down and prayed to the Lord: “Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river! "

    pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
    The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times.
    BUT: he was successful!

    The second Officer, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!”

    pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
    The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.

    The third Officer who observed all this knelt down and prayed: “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!”

    pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*
    The Lord converted the Officer into a Sergeant. The Sergeant took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.

    :D
     
  2. Officers to Sgts Mess PU.

    Officer and Sergeant end up in the bogs at the same time for a slash.

    Officer finishes and goes and starts washing his hands.

    Sergeant finishes and walks out the door.

    The officer catches up with the Sgt as says "We officers are taught to wash our hands after using the toilet"

    The Sgt replies "We Sgts are taught not to p1ss on our fingers"



    Old joke but still makes me smile :)
     
  3. Cant believe this is bombing out so quick...................nevermind
     
  4. Plane load of sergeants crashes in the Sahara. They set off to make for civilisation but finally one of them calls out "I've got to give up!"

    "No, no mate! You've survived Senior Brecon, stick at it"

    He carries on but once again he stops and says "I've got to give up..."

    "No, no mate! You've passed the long drill course and been selected for WO, don't give up..."

    He carries on but once again he stops and says "I've got to give up..."

    Fed up, his oppos say sod you, please yourself. So drawing himself up to his full height he puts his pace stick under the arm and says "Up two three, down two three..."
     
  5. As true as they come, still on the KT's at Sandhurst apparently:

    “An officer should be comely, sprightly and above all else confident in his own dress and bearing. He should, where possible, eat a small piece of meat each morning with molasses and beans. He should air himself gracefully when under fire and never place himself in a position of difficulty when being shot at. He should eat his meals comfortably and ahead of his soldiers, for it is he whom is more important tactically on the battlefield and therefore he who should be well nourished. His hair should be well groomed and if possible he should adorn a moustache or similar facial adornment. When speaking to his soldiers he should appear unnerved and aloof and give direction without in any way involving himself personally in the execution of arduous or un-officer like duties. He should smoke thin panatellas except when in the company of ladies where he should take only a small gin mixed with lemon tea. He should be an ardent and erudite gentleman and woo the ladies both in the formal environment and in the bedroom where he should excel himself beyond the ordinary soldier with his virulent lovemaking prowess. I say to you these are the qualities of an officer that set him apart from the lay person and the common soldier.”

    Lt Gen Hubert Worthington
    Commander in Chief
    5th Royal Indian Mountain Division
    Bombay
    12th December 1907
     
  6. Dad....yes Son.

    Why weren't you an officer instead of a Sergeant?

    Coz I worked for a living son....
     
  7. Officers are like lighthouses in the desert, incredibly bright but fu8ck all use to anyone!
     
  8. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
     
  9. excuse me, have you had an invite in here?
     
  10. Sirs, ladies, gentlemen please excuse the interruption.
    They were/are used to aid navigation and were built by various armies to help moving bodies of troops around the desert since they often struggled with maps etc. However they have since been superseded by GPS, decent compasses etc so perhaps Officers are an antiquated tool that still have their uses but there's often a better option.
     
  11. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    "Get the Provost Sgt!"
     
  12. Surprised this one didn't make the original list. Probably too close to the bone..........Enjoy

    THE WARRANT OFFICER

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

    The man below says, “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.”

    “You must be a Warrant Officer,” says the balloonist.

    “I am”, replies the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost.”

    The man below says, “You must be an officer.”

    “I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

    “Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before you involved me, but now you believe it is somehow my fault!”
     
  13. ...while I merely get paid for a living...
     
  14. 3 Soldiers are stuck in the desert after there landrover breaks down, They decide to head off in different directions looking for help. Each one takes one item from the Lanny to help in their quest.
    The JNCO takes the washer bottle "When i get thirsty i'll drink the water" He announces.
    The SNCO takes the Wing Mirror "If I see someone/something I can use the suns reflection so they can see me.
    The Officer takes the door "If I get too warm I'll wind down the window!"
    I beleive this happened on Telic 2 or 3.