Officer Stories

Discussion in 'Juniors' started by theparamancan, May 28, 2005.

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  1. Ok, lets act like the toms we are and have some officer bitching/incompitancy stories.

    I'll start us off

    2ic, obviously disorinitated, jumps off helicopter, with pistol and compass drawn, shouts "follow me!" and proceeds to run off in wrong direction. Naturally, the men go the other way

    Same man asks a german soldier "sprecken ze deutch?"

    Another officer stands and watches me and another private fill in a two man trench. When I ask for a spade from the other tom he corrects me with "shovel". Oh is it? why don't you come down here instead of watching and we'll go all green jacket on you! C*nt.
  2. I am Pln Sgt when a we get a new Pln Cmdr join us. He wants to meet the boys sort of formally to introduce himself, so I get them all paraded in a lecture theatre.

    New boss starts giving his spiel by Saying "Good morning gentlemen I am pleased to meet.....My Name is Mr D**** - H****, but that is a bit of a mouthfull and you can call me DH.....

    At which point a clearly audible "*********" is heard from the back and entire Pln are fighting back the sniggers.

    How I kept it together myself fukc knows.
  3. How about some silly Tom jokes too ;)
  4. im sure this will sound rly rly stupid, but what's a tom wen its as home?
  5. Sorry - a Tom is a private soldier
  6. And then,

    It was you that told him the spade was a shovel, wasn't it? :wink:
  7. LOL - no no no - I told them it was a "shovel old chap"
  8. A certain Celtic UOTC company had a newly promoted subby. Rumour goes that the CSM (long term regular/ta bloke) took a parade. New subby took afront, since he was 'the senior person in the company', and it was his responsibility to 'inspect the troops'. Wrote a stinking email to the RSM....

    Much hilarity ensued. :)
  9. troopy calls the lads together 4 a chat....."im not happy someone has stolen my helmet out of my office, that means this place was insecure on thursday not happy "
    one of the toms piped up "but u were the only 1 in on thursday sir"
    much sniggering later
    "thats not the point" the red faced rodney says
    so what was the point then? admin case
  10. Real Officers, not pissed up students who have no idea about anything, c0ck!
  11. Actually I like TA officers-I had a relationship with one once although he was shit in bed. Still STABS though…
  12. i was running a range and the CO wanted to shoot. He came striding in to the office and demanded i sign a weapon out of the armoury for him. " Ok sir" I said, to which he replied "Oh, and make sure it's zero'd for me, theres a good chap!"
    What a chopper.
  13. Err, shouldn't he .. well .... um .. know about 'zeroing' ?. How can you be CO of anything if you're that deficient in basics?.
  14. And gay as well presumably?

    Right gents and ladies, what's going on. Over 1,000 views since this thread started on May 28th and barely any funnies - surely the Officer Corps can't be that close to perfection?
  15. Oh God no........Squadron inspection by the OC prior to Hohne ranges, a certain Sqn had recently converted to Scim from Scorp. OC into the immaculate(ish) turret,parks his arrse on gunners seat, "where the feck is the FFP"
    "Err just to the left of your nose Sir "

    My feet never touched.......................... 8O