Office Etiquette, should you Fart in a closed office?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by hallveg, Feb 6, 2009.

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  1. I work in a multi-national environment.

    Mostly Italian then American 2 Brits a Spaniard and a Greek bloke.

    Now here is the question,

    Should you leave the office to fart?

    Because today I let fly with a vicious one, it was loud and had a deep base with almost the perfect ending, like a full stop, no follow threw and very little ring sting, I was so proud and spent at least 30 seconds giggling like a child, I mean it very nearly brought a tear to my eye, both threw the smell and because of the re-action of the people I work with. Several actually left the room, claiming they where feeling too sick to stay! The harder ones dogged it out with much complaining. The one lady in the office recons I’m rude and should have left the office??? She says she never farts in public and always goes to the “bathroom” and claims that if anyone is in there already she waits to let go? I’m firmly of the belief of Need to Share and told her its like fertiliser for the soul but to no avail, I’m now being treated like an evil sinner, you would think I had taken a dump on there desks? Odd these foreigners.
  2. yeah..

    the story did make me giggle a bit though. You should now start a series of showing just how rude and trampy the brits can be. When they look at you like you should be ashamed of yourself, just look at them like they are speaking swahili and have an innocent look on your face.
  3. Many congratulations on what clearly sounds like a ripper! Plenty of volume and odour, good stuff. For international relations however, i'd have squeezed it out with the utmost of care, so as not to alert the others in the office. Wait for the effect to take hold and storm out of the office in clear disgust at the filthy Greek. Maybe next time eh?
  4. Damn! A missed opportunity I feel. I've another in the chamber but can't squeeze the little monkey because every time I think about it, I start laughing and it goes back up me ring cannon.
  5. I used to find when I was nursing that the best bet was to go stand beside the bed of the most demented / incontenetnt / unconscious patient, then go "Oh bugger, I've just changed that bed!" and send a student nurse in to investigate it... :twisted:
  6. Let it rip!
  7. I'm massively out numbered me oppo's on leave I'm doing my best to upset everyone and even started the woman are evil debate to the sensitive spams, but to my surprise 3 agreed out of hand and the other is a female so her opinion wont count? As for farting I’m sure the bubble has been letting them out since I got here it the only explanation for the smell, apparently we get frogs later this year! I'm building a little fort as we speak.
  8. OK let' s work through this together.

    Italian - the locals here call them Zabari - frogs. Nuff said, their opinion is of little import.

    The Bubble - don't worry about him. They know nobody gives a feck about their opinion and in any event any country where the bog paper has to go into a waste paper basket as opposed to down the Karzai can't really comment on bodily functions.

    The Brits - should have a sense of humour. Tell them to man up and chin up.

    Septics - depends on where they come. If they are Bible Belt Godbotherers find an appropriate verse in the Bible to justify it. If not tell them it is part of the spread of Demahcracy.

    The woman - WTF - who gave her an opinion? Is she a Septic? Is she attractive? Does she have IBS and produce a flock of sparrows every time she "pumps"?

    The obvious answer to this is a serious rimming of personal coffee/tea cups using your special tool!

    Rule Britannia - God Save the Queen and damn the eyes of Johnny Foreigners :twisted:
  9. Good story and a well dererved reply, however, you did slightly muck up your standard ripper SOP's. Next time just before the vomit enducing gas cloud, walk calmly over to the door, lock it, put a rolled up newsaper at the base and secure all windows. Go back to your chair and sit down with a forward lean, thus parting the ring cannon.

    Look everyone in the eye, paying particular attention to the female and let the old fella sound off like a mature volcano. Once everyone has started gagging, re-establish contact with the female and ask her to follow "that 1" up with a precious front bum whistle note. Job done :roll:
  10. I'm beginning to suspect that you chaps would have done this different and I now wish I'd asked before I delivered but to be fair it was a rather unannounced event caught even me by surprise with its depth of base and quality of its nose. I must admit that when the Spanish fella broke and opened the window I was pleased, but didn't show it, that would have been UN-British!
  11. Pure comedy genius!
  12. Bad drills fella. Everyone knows that on the first rumblings of office flatulence your shirt should be untucked,hand inserted in trousers, fart should then be deposited in your clenched fist and not released until under the nose of the prettiest girl in the office. Go and flagelate yourself for blatantly ignoring SOP's.
  13. But should you go for a loud blood curdling roar of a fart which might not be guarenteed to smell; or should you go for the silent but(t) deadly knowing full well that it will stink????? Pro's and con's for both types!
  14. ahh the goold old dutch hand grenade :twisted:
  15. This was more akin to carpet bombing!

    Seriously I was nearly sick and I did it!

    Smelled like boiled death!